Εκλεκτους.Εις.Σωτηρια

A Most Dire Truth

2009-08-25T17:10:00.001-05:00

Somehow, some men do not so much as flinch with the agnostics and atheists at the concept that we have a most holy God. Nor do they flinch with the Pelagians at the idea that all men are born in sin. You speak to them of things such as the doctrine of election or monergistic regeneration and all of the other things that some mainstream evangelicals would tell us are "too offensive," "wrong" and to just "leave out," and yet many of these folks are not even phased by those "difficult" truths! How often am I told, "don't focus on sin, focus on grace" or "That doctrine's not important, you'll just confuse people" -- yet surprisingly, these things aren't even the problem! ... So that we are clear, for many folks, none of these things are the real issue.

It is, yet, when you proclaim that most poignant gospel truth, that Christ is Lord, that these people are suddenly and remarkably offended! Somehow they can hear and accept many other hard words that the most studied and scholarly Christians debate, but of that most dire thing that men must believe in if they are to be justified before a just and holy, gracious God ... That Christ is God, born in flesh and crucified for the sins of men, taking the cup of wrath he did not deserve so that those who would believe would be seen as righteous in the eyes of God! ... Of that dire truth, they are blind.

Case in point. Here is a conversation I had with a stranger on Windows Live Messenger this past Sunday and Monday afternoon. Pay close attention. I say many things that would offend even many of you, but take note on what I finally say that causes Tony to shut me out.

(2:27 PM) Heather: I'd just like to know how you found me
(2:34 PM) tony: im not sure how
(2:34 PM) tony: im in calgary
(2:34 PM) tony: canada
(2:35 PM) Heather: I've been to Canada before but never Calgary. Unless you were at Southern Alberta Bible camp or have friends in Lethbridge I don't think i know you personally?
(2:37 PM) tony: lethbridge is 2 hours away
(2:38 PM) Heather: yeah, i know
(2:41 PM) Heather: \msn zelda group. deviantart. um..
(2:41 PM) Heather: i live in waukesha, wisconsin. originally from pittsburgh pa. apart from that
(2:41 PM) Heather: i dont know
(3:07 PM) tony: ok
(3:08 PM) tony: well im a sub
(3:08 PM) Heather: tuna or italian?
(3:09 PM) tony: i thought i knew you from collarme.com
(3:09 PM) tony: tuna?
(3:09 PM) tony: what
(3:09 PM) Heather: no, you don't know me from "collarme.com"
(3:09 PM) tony: ok
(3:09 PM) Heather: I thought maybe I knew you from a church.
(3:10 PM) tony: no Ma'am
(3:10 PM) Heather: Well. On that note, I am only a slave of Christ.
(3:11 PM) tony: i think thats the way it suppose to be
(3:11 PM) tony: am i right?
(3:12 PM) Heather: It ought to.
(3:12 PM) Heather: But what ought to be and what is can be different matters.
(3:12 PM) tony: i don't know how i got my self involved i this
(3:12 PM) tony: in*
(3:13 PM) Heather: You mean, a submissive lifestyle seeking a sort of sexual gratification?
(3:13 PM) tony: i just want to be a sub for a Mistresss
(3:13 PM) Heather is now Offline
(3:14 PM) Heather is now Online
(3:14 PM) Heather: Sorry, lost connection.
(3:14 PM) tony: welcome back
(3:14 PM) Heather: Well. I can't say I don't understand. But I can tell you why.
(3:15 PM) tony: ok
(3:15 PM) tony: about what
(3:15 PM) Heather: You say you don't know why you got yourself involved in it.
(3:15 PM) tony: do you know what im talkin about
(3:15 PM) Heather: Of course.
(3:15 PM) tony: ok tell me
(3:16 PM) Heather: Because mankind as a whole is a fallen race.
(3:16 PM) Heather: And believe me, I know. I am a part of it. I am by no means perfect in thought. I know very well what you are talking about, to be honest.
(3:17 PM) tony: i need to know if you actually knows what im talkin about
(3:17 PM) tony: please
(3:17 PM) Heather: Yes, yes I do
(3:18 PM) Heather: Because I used to engage in that kind of lifestyle on the internet. Albeit submissively myself. So even back then, your appeal would not have, well, appealed to me.
(3:18 PM) tony: you used to be a submissive?
(3:18 PM) Heather: Yes.
(3:18 PM) tony: to a master?
(3:19 PM) Heather: No. Just pursued that kind of gratification wherever I could find it. But listen, that isn't the point.
(3:19 PM) tony: ok
(3:19 PM) Heather: It's something that takes place outside of the confines of marriage. That's what makes it wrong
(3:20 PM) tony: how is that
(3:20 PM) Heather: Well, to even think about a woman lustfully is adultery. Likewise, sex outside of marriage is fornication. The same rule applies for even thinking lustfully outside of marriage.
(3:21 PM) Heather: Christ said these things. To participate in roleplay online seeking that kind of gratification, it is against the law of God.
(3:21 PM) Heather: It bears witness to our disobedience of it. Every one of us.
(3:22 PM) Heather: We may think, well, if everyone is doing it then who can blame us?
(3:22 PM) Heather: But the truth is that each and every one of us will be held accountable for what we have done, and who we are at heart. A selfish and God-hating people.
(3:23 PM) Heather: If God is a just judge, He can't simply overlook these things.
(3:23 PM) tony: you make alot of sense
(3:24 PM) Heather: Do you know that if God is a Holy and perfect God, and an infinite God, there is no end to our offense to Him? There can be no end to His judgment upon us. We deserve His wrath, more than that, His eternal wrath. And as much as each and every one of us is born into a world, born God-hating and selfish, prone to satisfy our flesh and give into worldly behaviour and addictions ... How frightening to face the creator of the world, our own creator, and know that we have turned from Him? To pay the price for what we have done?
(3:25 PM) tony: brb
(3:25 PM) tony: please dont leave
(3:25 PM) Heather: Ok.
(3:26 PM) tony is now Offline
(4:41 PM) tony: hi
(4:41 PM) tony: sorry about yesterday
(4:41 PM) tony: i got so busy
(4:41 PM) Heather: that is fine. Do you remember waht i said to you?
(4:42 PM) tony: i do
(4:43 PM) Heather: Tell me what you understand.
(4:43 PM) tony: lets put that on the side for a moment
(4:43 PM) tony: im trying to leave the lifestyle
(4:44 PM) Heather: You want freedom from sin in your life. But I'm telling you that unless you can understand and believe what I have to say, there is no freedom.
(4:44 PM) Heather: Man lives in bondage to this world.
(4:45 PM) tony: sin in my life
(4:45 PM) tony: ?
(4:45 PM) Heather: The lifestyle you want to leave.
(4:45 PM) tony: is it bad
(4:46 PM) Heather: If you are lusting over any person you are not married to, yes it is
(4:46 PM) tony: ?
(4:47 PM) Heather: thinking sensual thoughts for. You asked me if you knew me from a site. You don't. But if you are engaging in a lifestyle involved in things promoted on that website you are living in sin.
(4:48 PM) tony: i understand
(4:49 PM) tony: for example
(4:49 PM) tony: what if im married to you and i want to be your submissive
(4:49 PM) tony: would that be ok?
(4:49 PM) Heather: if you are married to a woman, yes. but i'm not your example.
(4:49 PM) Heather: I'm in a relationship, for starters.
(4:50 PM) Heather: What you do in the bedroom with your wife is your business. Leave out other people (including pornography) leave out animals. And it's your business what you do.
(4:50 PM) tony: i understand
(4:51 PM) tony: your absolutly right
(4:51 PM) Heather: that means to be literally married, though. Not just pretending in a roleplay that you are married
(4:51 PM) tony: Definitly
(4:51 PM) tony: so are you married or just in a relationship
(4:51 PM) Heather: married.
(4:51 PM) tony: Good
(4:52 PM) Heather: oh, no -- i misread your sentence
(4:52 PM) Heather: im in a relationship. Not married yet.
(4:52 PM) Heather: But you dont engage in that until you are married
(4:52 PM) Heather: not just in a relationship
(4:52 PM) tony: so are you virgin?
(4:52 PM) Heather: No. I have a past, but I'm forgiven.
(4:52 PM) tony: you are forgiven but what you did wasn't right
(4:52 PM) tony: am i right?
(4:53 PM) Heather: Yes -- but I havent explained that to you yet
(4:53 PM) Heather: it's dire that I do
(4:53 PM) tony: Ok
(4:54 PM) Heather: Because I rightly deserve the eternal wrath of God for what I've done. Not just for those major sexual sins. Even for the things we think are small. Even for stealing bubble gum as a child, or disobeying my parents. Or thinking hatefully against another person
(4:54 PM) Heather: Listen.
(4:54 PM) Heather: The sin of man is committed by men. Therefore the penalty must be paid by a man. 2000 years ago, God came to earth in the person of Jesus Christ, born as a man but not departing His identity as God.
(4:55 PM) Heather: And you know what they did to him. You know that He spoke truth that people could not handle. You know he was cruficied on a tree, but the greatest pain Christ endured had nothing to do with the nails in his hands or the whip on his back or the crown on his head.
(4:56 PM) Heather: While Christ, the son of God, was on that cross, he endured for three hours the wrath of His father for all would come to believe in Christ, according to God's ordination before the creation of the world.
(4:57 PM) tony: but your not sure if thats true or not
(4:58 PM) Heather: If you believe these things earnestly, and turn from your sin, then the Holy Spirit has regenerated your heart and has done a work in you. If that is so, then Christ has taken your place and God looks at you with the perfection of Christ rather than the abomination of your own sin, and you will by the Holy Spirit's direction be able to turn from your sins.
(4:58 PM) Heather: I am absolutely convinced.
(4:58 PM) Heather: But unless you are born again you can never believe these things
(4:59 PM) tony: I don't believe that jesus was god
(4:59 PM) Heather: It is absolutely urgent that you believe these things and turn from your sins. And if you do so in truth, then you have an advocate, the Holy Spirit, who is with you in all of this.
(4:59 PM) Heather: But Christ Himself proclaimed that He is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one can come to the father except through Him.
(5:00 PM) Heather: There are several times throughout the gospels that He claims to be God. If you will believe in Him for salvation you MUST believe that He is Lord
(5:00 PM) Heather: Otherwise you have denied Him and there is no one who can save you.
(5:00 PM) tony: Jesus was just a prophet sent to the world to show them the right from wrong just like any other prophet
(5:01 PM) Heather: I am telling you, only God can pay the price for your sins. Christ died after being punished for the sins of men, and He rose again. If he did not, then there is no salvation, because man cannot earn it
(5:01 PM) Heather: God is just, and does not pardon men without the price of sin being paid, and the penalty of sin is death according to scripture.
(5:01 PM) tony: I can get out of those sins by doin whats right
(5:02 PM) Heather: Only God can pay that price. Unless God endured His own wrath on that cross, no man can be forgiven. We are as a people damned as a whole.
(5:02 PM) Heather: Scripture says that there is none righteous and that our best deeds are like filthy rags.
(5:02 PM) Heather: The literal meaning is "dirty tampons" -- that is what your best works look like in the eyes of God
(5:02 PM) tony: heather, there is only one god
(5:02 PM) Heather: your righteousness is soiled. If you take a leper and cover him in the finest silk cloths, His wounds will still bleed through. You can do nothing to earn God's forgiveness.
(5:03 PM) Heather: Absolutely. But He exists in three persons.
(5:03 PM) tony: jesus can't be god if he's a human like me and you but he had special power that god gave him
(5:03 PM) Heather: The person of God the father. And God the son, and God the Holy Spirit.
(5:03 PM) Heather: if God is perfect, why can't God be born in the flesh?
(5:03 PM) Heather: It is a miracle. But indeed Christ was God and claimed to be God. Unless you call Christ a liar.
(5:03 PM) tony: heather thats what you wanna believe , you need to read carefully the other holy books to actually decide .
(5:04 PM) Heather: Then not only is Christ not a prophet, but He is absolutely evil.
(5:04 PM) tony: im not calling jesus a lier, but he never claimed that he was god
(5:04 PM) Heather: I am telling you, it was not on my own volition that I believed these things but the Spirit of God that drew me. I would have taken my own life had He not stopped me and regenerated my heart through scripture
(5:04 PM) Heather: Christ absolutely claimed to be God.
(5:05 PM) tony: No heather he can't be god
(5:05 PM) tony: he's just a prophet
(5:07 PM) tony: now your putting your self in sin by saying that , what you saying is against god , and god is above , he's undescribable. but we have to worship him and not through anybody to get close to god, you just worship him directly. God the only one who sent us (the people) all the prophets
(5:07 PM) Heather: I am not saying we worship God through Christ. Christ is God.
(5:08 PM) Heather: Initiated a file transfer
(5:08 PM) tony: Jesus is not god
(5:08 PM) Heather: Read John 5.
(5:08 PM) tony: jesus is a prophet
(5:08 PM) Heather: What is your background? Who told you these things?
(5:08 PM) tony: i know these things
(5:08 PM) tony: i've read them
(5:08 PM) Heather: You know these things and yet you cannot even be freed from the bondage of your sin
(5:08 PM) tony: i have a boy that im reading
(5:08 PM) tony: book*
(5:09 PM) tony: and you should get it and read it
(5:09 PM) Heather: You deny Christ is Lord and yet you continue seeking salvation from your sin -- you can't find it anywhere.
(5:09 PM) Heather: Because you deny the only one who can give you freedom
(5:09 PM) Heather: Scripture was written by the hands of prophets inspired completely by the hands of God. there is no error in it
(5:10 PM) tony: Jesus never gave me freedom or you or anybody , Jesus was sent to the people to show them right from wrong. He's a human being like me and you
(5:10 PM) Heather: If you want freedom from your sin, read the Bible. Start with the book of John. If you continue not to believe that Christ is Lord, then I can tell you nothing but to read it until you believe or die. But this is absolutely dire.
(5:11 PM) tony: let me ask you something
(5:11 PM) Heather: Sure
(5:11 PM) tony: whats the purpose of religion
(5:11 PM) Heather: there is far more to this than religion
(5:12 PM) tony: do you have an answer
(5:12 PM) tony: or not
(5:14 PM) Heather: the purpose of man-made religion is to try to escape the dire matter of sin, to try to better the state of human beings, and in all essense only gives an alternate route to practice human selfishness. It attempts to use means of man to reconcile man with God, but only God can make that kind of reconciliation. Now, true and undefiled religion in the eyes of God is to do good works and flee from sin, but only one who has already been reconciled with God is able to do these things, because he has the Holy Spirit to bear good fruit.
(5:14 PM) tony: you see you still don't know
(5:14 PM) tony: the purpose of religion
(5:15 PM) tony: you know we'd all prefet to go to heaven when we die
(5:15 PM) tony: Right
(5:15 PM) tony: ?
(5:15 PM) Heather: I don't know what you have come up with or have read in supressing the truth. But I know fully why men are religious outside the commands of God
(5:15 PM) Heather: God commands we repent and believe on His gospel.
(5:15 PM) Heather: oh, you think we'd all prefer to go to heaven
(5:15 PM) Heather: but no one wants God to be there when we get there.
(5:15 PM) Heather: Because man is born hating God.
(5:16 PM) tony: No
(5:16 PM) Heather: I am telling you, if men knew what Heaven was, they would rather continue on in rebellion to God
(5:16 PM) Heather: it is not a paradise the way selfish man sees paradise. It is a place of eternal revelation and praising of God.
(5:16 PM) tony: heaven is why most people who believe in god belong to their religions , we all hope to god they'll help us get there
(5:17 PM) tony: Everyone agrees that if heaven exists , its reserved for people who deserve it
(5:17 PM) tony: right?
(5:17 PM) Heather: if unbelieving men understood true heaven and hell, hell would still be a terrifying place and yet men would rather go there.
(5:17 PM) Heather: I am telling you that NO ONE deserves heaven.
(5:17 PM) Heather: That, absent from God Himself -- unless God looks at us and sees His own righteousness, we CANNOT have eternal fellowship with him
(5:18 PM) Heather: that is why the man who died on the cross also had to be God. Or there is no redemption for man.
(5:18 PM) Heather: If he was not a man, there is no redemption for man, because a man had to pay the penalty.
(5:18 PM) Heather: But it was a penalty only God could pay.
(5:18 PM) Heather: Christ was completely man, completely God.
(5:19 PM) tony: God couldn't be a human
(5:19 PM) Heather: He is God
(5:19 PM) Heather: he is omnipotent -- all powerful
(5:20 PM) Heather: God can be, within His own defined limitations, be whatever He desires
(5:20 PM) tony: but jesus is not god
(5:21 PM) Heather: Again, unless you believe that Christ is God, you cannot be reconciled with God.
(5:21 PM) tony: Jesus is a prophet to teach you about god
(5:21 PM) Heather: If Christ is a prophet to teach me about God, then he has accomplished nothing more than tha prophets that came before him. Further, He is a liar and not a prophet of God because according to the testimony of scripture, he claimed to be God.
(5:22 PM) tony: and who was the last prophet do you know?
(5:22 PM) Heather: No testimony outside of the Bible testifies of the true Christ who walked the earth. No book written by man can do that. But scripture, while being penned by the hands of man was inspired by the mind of God, is complete, inerrant and infallible and contains the full message of the gospel oas God would reveal it.
(5:23 PM) Heather: John the Baptist, before Christ. There were also prophesies given through some of Christ's apostles, like John. But never since then.
(5:24 PM) Heather: we no longer need prophets because Christ fulfilled the role of prophet. But He also fulfilled the role of High Priest, making atonement for us (unlike the priests of the Jews who had to continue making sacrifices, Christ made only one, and that was the cross.) Christ is also King. Lord of His people, yes, even God.
(5:24 PM) Heather: Again you tell me you seek freedom from sin
(5:24 PM) Heather: Yet you insist that you are right about what you believe.
(5:24 PM) Heather: If you know the truth, then why hasn't the truth set you free?
(5:24 PM) tony: sorry heather you need to be more convincing about that. i can give you facts that jesus is not good and and there was a last prophet that god sent to the people but your not informative about that.
(5:24 PM) Heather: Unless you believe that Christ is Truth, you cannot be free.
(5:25 PM) Heather: It is not I that will convince you.
(5:25 PM) Heather: Unless you are given a new heart, you cannot believe the things I am telling you or the things scripture has said
(5:25 PM) tony: you haven't gave me a correct answer
(5:25 PM) tony: who was the last prophet?
(5:26 PM) Heather: You do not believe in the answers I have given you, but again, you cannot even find freedom in your own beliefs.
(5:26 PM) Heather: You can continue searching for truth and believing in what you do, but you are still a slave to sin. You have made that clear to me. You have asked me for answers, but when I've given you an answer, you find yourself unable to believe.
(5:27 PM) Heather: You would rather return to your sin as a dog returns to his vomit than hear the truth that I am giving you. You will try to speak and debate theology with me, but you won't even open your eyes to the fact that what you believe has accomplished nothing in your heart and mind. You remain a slave to your own sin.
(5:28 PM) tony is now Offline

Procrastination Journal

2009-07-24T03:30:00.000-05:00

So, not that I have time to be passing -- I supposedly will be leaving in two hours (though I'm beginning to wonder whether that will happen, since my father only got finished playing runescape 3 hours ago and is suddenly complaining that the previously agreed time is "too early.")

I am going back to Wisconsin this morning. When I get there greatly depends on when I leave and what happens in between.

I'm going through the normal anxieties. Keep remembering things to pack. Keep wondering what else I'm forgetting. Delayed and unprecidented thoughts of "Oh my goodness, I'm actually leaving home for real-for good-this time" ...

At some point, it hits you. You know? "What on earth am I doing?"

I mean, don't get me wrong. it is clear that there's really nothing left for me here. When I came back here, I felt sick. I didn't want to be here. For the past three months I've been looking forward to this. It's finally here. But as usual, any potential excitement is trumped by the normal chemical confusion.

The last time I rode there by vehicle was "way back" when ~servantofChrist18 and I went to New Tribes Bible Institute. I don't own that car, anymore. I don't go to that school anymore. It's hard to think that it was just last year. I think I was less anxious then because it felt less permanant, I took only what I needed and, face it, I had someone to talk to, to distract me from any potential anxiety. This time, I'm riding out with the source of so much of my anxiety. Heh.

But that aside ... it's this whole moving thing. It almost feels spontanious; I'm doing it because three months ago I saw no other desirable path, and I still see no other desirable path, and so off I go.

It just feels incredibly, strange. Because, so often changes like this in our lives are sudden; things takes unexpected turns and life goes great leaps and all kinds of other things happen that we don't plan, so we barely have the time to let it hit us. We just react accordingly and go with it. You know, like going to High School, or falling in love...

... But when you plan a major life change, it's different. You have some level of control (supposedly,) and so you suddenly become a lot more fearful and anxious that you may do the wrong thing, or have the wrong timing, and ... _{I wonder if this is similar to what men think when faced with the obstacle of "engagement"? lol.}

And no. I'm not afraid that I'm doing the wrong thing. Obedience to God, loving Him and keeping His commandments is how to do the "right thing"; where we go in life or what we do as we are obeying Him is not going to put us "in" or "out" of God's will; His hand is in it from the beginning.

It's all really emotional and irrelevant. But journals are for getting it out, right?

Order of business...
- Get back to Wisconsin (Friday afternoon/evening?)
- Saturday, family staying, show them around, etc.
- Sunday, church (one of the main reasons I am going back!)
- August 1 - move in date. (I'm going to be staying somewhere else in the area until then.)
... And then we'll see. Hopefully I will land a job quickly, something to pay the rent. Figure out the bus system. Get my life back in order. Not neccessarily in that order, but then again, this is me we're talking about ...

And, yeah.

That's enough procrastinating, for now. I still have some scattered items to gather. Like my thoughts and marbles and mind in general... and whatnot.

Heather

a "classic" love story

2009-07-13T22:50:00.000-05:00

t's certainly been a crazy couple of weeks. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding of a couple of real good friends of mine, here in Pittsburgh. So, there was some running around to do for gifts, dress fittings, rehearsal, etc.

The wedding is finally over, though, and I have no problem rejoicing over that -- it was a beautiful day, but I am sure that Lindsay and Steve are happy to finally do away with all the stress of wedding planning and just enjoy their honeymoon in Florida! I am further convinced, between the failed wedding that I had "planned" and watching her (successfully but stressfully) plan this one, that I do not want to go through much trouble for a wedding. Maybe some aesthetical planning of how to successfully make a wedding cake out of oreo cakesters, but that's it! *grin*

I really don't want to bore you guys with all of the details of how I put my make up on, rode in a limo, went to a photoshoot at a graveyard, had champagne throughout, and undid what was left of my hairstyle while riding home in a friend's convertible -- though all of that was quite fun. I normally don't get to do those things. There was also the awkwardness of dancing (and being escorted down the aisle) with a man who is not my boyfriend, because of wedding traditions and such. Of all the things I've done, I have never danced with someone in my life. There was also an open bar, but for moderation sake I tried not to make too much use of that. (Even if it would have "eased" the awkwardness of it all!) Also was the very touching moment of watching Lindsay and her father silently embrace shortly before it was time to start. It might have jerked about as many tears as the ceremony itself.

What does excite me is the back story to it all.

Back about a year and a half ago, i started attending a local Bible Study through one of my churches here in Pittsburgh. What grabbed my attention about the study was that it was aimed at going through the Bible from start to finish, something I had always aspired to do because of a certain chronological context it gave. It was headed up by one, "Steve and Puffy" -- two guys I really didn't know well at that time, but really got to as the weeks progressed. At the conclusion of each Tuesday night, we would also visit a third person (one that I never actually got to see at the study, funny enough,) and that was Becky. Though she usually had to work, she always got home and had something cooked up for us to eat as we would visit, play games, watch movies and just chat after the study. This entire event had a habit of going quite late.

One week, still early on in the study, one of the church regulars brought a friend with her: Lindsay. As the weeks progressed, the girl who brought Lindsay was unable to keep coming, but Lindsay decided that she would go even if her friend wasn't there. Finally, we were able to convince Lindsay to hang out with us at Becky's, afterwards. She was hesitant because she hardly knew us, but as it turned out, my stubborn nature proved to have a silver lining, and she came.

It also turned out that Lindsay lived amazingly close to me. As a result, she started to be my ride home. It often happens with those who drive me places, that conversations do not end when the car stops at my house, and she was no exception. I think on more than one occasion, we would engage in long and deep discussions, confessions, and prayer. And then one night, she admitted that she began to like somebody. Soon after, she admitted to who it was.

Months went by and our conversations always came back to this, as they do when something just eats away at your heart. She wasn't sure what to do. Part of her just wanted to get it off her chest and confront Steve about it. But I had experience with this -- I had liked people in the past, and unable to bear "not knowing" I would finally confess to them. Only to be shut down. I told her that in the traditional and biblical sense, it is the man who initiates and the woman who waits. I told her that the best way to know if this was God's will was to wait for him to make the first move. Truly, I had no knowledge or suspision that he liked her; I could only hope for her and wait upon the Lord.

... Yet it drove her crazy because for once in her life, she just wanted to be with someone that she really, actually liked. Further, she was intrigued and delighted by his Godly character and biblical knowledge -- it was what she had been hoping for and dreaming for in a future husband. Still, she let her love be patient, and she waited: something I admired because I had never been able to do it.

There was one night in particular that really threw me off. Steve mentioned to me in confidence two young men who happened to like my increasingly close friend -- neither of the names were his. Somehow, I took this not to be a positive signal that he had interest in her. I did not realize that he was, perhaps, feeling around to see (amongst other things) if he stood a chance. I wound up telling Lindsay my (incorrect) observation. While she continued to hold out hope, it somehow had the positive effect of encouraging her just to trust God and seek and be lost in Him, all the more. I can honestly say that I have met few young women with her level of spiritual vigour and biblical hunger. And in the midst of all of her questions and all of our discussions and her admissions to not knowing as much as she thought I knew, I think she wound up encouraging me far more than she could ever know.

But summer grew near, and I would soon be leaving for school. She was incredibly sad about this, but she held out. Before I was going to leave, I had planned on going up to New York City for an inner city missions trip with some others from that church. For the longest time, Lindsay heard talk about it and spoke of how much she wish she could go, but was sure she couldn't. And then, somehow, God opened the door and within a few weeks of the trip, she was able to afford to come with us.

That eventful (and humid!) week came and went, and my own departure time drew near. Just a few days before I was to leave, Lindsay and I decided to go to a local amusement park called Kennywood. To make things better, I spent the night before at her house. For a long time, we just spoke of random things, of the trip, of Christian books and of scripture. I could have never expected what she confided in me then: Steve had asked her out on a date.

It was perfect timing for so many reasons, but with me going off to college several states away, I was so happy just to see that she would have someone else in her life to encourage her. I was also absolutely blown away: as much as I "knew" the right thing for a woman to do was to wait, my own impatience in the past never let me see it actually work. To see that follow through so well in her life gave me a much needed confidence: little did I know that in the months to follow I would meet someone myself and once again require the patience of "not saying anything" but to simply wait upon the man, and on God. It subsequently blossomed into the first relationship I had since I was saved. Perhaps it should not have taken me to see that principle hold true in a my good friend's life before I practiced it myself; nevertheless, I am grateful I did.

It was last Christmas that I came back to Pittsburgh, and that New Years that I was able to learn of Lindsay's engagement. Then I came back again this past summer -- somewhat early because of financial reasons. And as many of you know, that was a hard move to make, but I had no choice. I do know that one of the only but one of the greatest positives of it was just to be able to hang out with her again, and of course to see her be married (and to be amidst her bridesmaids, at that! What an honour.)

So... Goodness. How quickly and how wonderfully these things happen! All my love and prayers to their new union, which is a beautiful thing in the light that a biblical marriage is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the church; this is truly one of my most favourite biblical analogies.

What's left to do?

Well... return to Wisconsin, I suppose. Guys, thank you for your prayers; praise God, because they've been answered graciously. I am set to go back by August 1st at the latest -- earlier if I can find a temporary place to stay before then. (Anyone in the Milwaukee area? ) I've made the deposit on an affordable room in the Waukesha area. It will be an experience actually earning my living for the first time in my life, but it is one much needed. I truly can't wait. Moreover, it will be great to finally be back with my church, and Danny, and all of the rest. So wonderful.

I'm only sad that I *do* have to leave some of the lovely people here in Pittsburgh behind. Nevertheless, my family lives here and so I am sure I will have plenty of opportunities to visit -- and be visited! *wink*

God bless you all!

Heather

1 John 1

2009-07-03T09:50:00.000-05:00

1 John 1:

¹ That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life-- ² the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us-- ³ that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. ⁴ And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.⁶ If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. ⁸ If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

"11 Things Girls Do" & Thoughts

2009-06-17T08:30:00.000-05:00

These random articles pop up on my MSN homepage often enough. For some reason, I felt like journaling my thoughts on this one. It's "11 Things guys don't understand about women." (Source) It's a generally dreadful site with some articles that are better left unread, but I found this one pretty interesting. In any event, it's a break from all of the theology and personal stuff here!

So here are the "things guys don't understand" -- and my attempt to provide a concise explanation. But don't expect too much, because brevity never was my thing. lol. It does seem to be a hobby of mine to analyse things and give answers, though!

1. "Why, oh, why, can’t you create a single, central location for your hair ties and bobby pins?!? And why is there one on the handle of the microwave?"
:: Simple. If our hair is long enough to use hair ties, we almost always have one around our wrist. When we don't want it getting in the way, we tie it back. When we want to impress, we let it down. Any girl who thinks like me... tends not to think. I set things down without a cognitive thought in the world, so I tend to leave a mark everywhere I go. (Good thing I never followed through with early childhood ambitions to work for top secret super-spy government agencies.)

2. "Why are women so afraid of bugs but can regularly pour hot wax on their bodies and rip hair out by its roots?"
:: We can predict what the wax will do. Yes, it hurts, but we see it coming. We have control. We *can't* predict bugs, though, and we don't know where they're going or what they're planning. For the record, if it isn't obvious already, I'm a little less skittish than most girls on this matter. I just don't like house centipedes or stink bugs. ... By the way, is anyone else grossly fascinated by those little hair folicles that are revealed when thick hair is uprooted?

3. "Girls and drama! My God, it’s like an episode of Dawson’s Creek! He said, she said...it goes on and on for years. Do you ever get over an argument?'
:: I really can't relate with this, and I think it's foolish, too. There are probably a multitude of reasons. Foremost, women are more social in general and like to talk. People will talk about whatever they know the most about, and whatever is most interesting to them. If they don't have steady hobbies or interests, then their focus probably turns to the lives of other people. Thus, drama commences. I don't advocate that.

4. 'I am confused enough about why the onslaught of hormones every month, like clockwork, still takes me by surprise (the next day when she gets her period, I’m like, Oh! We got into a fight because she was hormonal!), but why does that fact take her by surprise? Shouldn’t she kind of realize it and be like, ‘Don’t listen to me--I’m hormonal’?"
:: *ahem* Without getting too personal! It's because it does catch us by surprise. I know few people who can predict this with a calendar date, it's not perfect. But any woman unlucky enough to fall to the temptations of PMS isn't in a rational state of mind, anyway. The last thing on our mind is admitting our faults when we're suddenly and inexplicably convinced that you purposely bought us the wrong brand of cheese because you just don't care enough about our relationship.

5. "I don’t get why getting married so soon is so important to most women. Is love not enough?"
:: I'm rather afraid to answer this one, because I'm not even sure. I'm pretty sure the answer varies greatly. A couple thoughts may be that it's because we recognize that we are easily emotional and are afraid of what heartache would do to us -- so we want to solidify a commitment quickly and not risk that. Girls can also easily think, "After all this time does he still not know if I'm write for him?" and run a mile a minute with that thought process. All things aside, I disagree with the wording of the question "is love not enough?" In defense of the male perspective, something like marriage is to be taken seriously and should never be rushed into. But also in defense of the Christian perspective, there is much that is an aspect of romantic love, that is reserved for marriage alone, and those passions must never be awakened before their time. ..But I pulled this from a secular source, so what's to expect?

6. "Why all the shoes? Really, my sister has suitcases full of shoes that I’ve thrown aside more often than she’s even seen them. It boggles the mind!"
:: Gah. I hate shoes. Simple answer -- Guys are almost always casual. If they dress down they have sneakers, if they dress up they have dress shoes. Some have sandals in the summer. All of them are easy to walk in, too. Somehow, it always goes together and no one notices it clashing (unless he wears, say, socks with their sandals. Gahaha...) Girls' wardrobes are more complicated in general, so their shoes not only need to suit the event, but need to match, and because of the existance of high heels, how much we'll be walking is also a factor. (It doesn't help that stores like Payless exist and girls, are inclined toward impulse purchases and vanity.)

7. "I don’t understand their attitudes! Everything is good for, like, the first three months, but after that, it’s a whole different ball game!"
:: That's a two way street. A lot of couples are sickeningly happy for the first few months. It's like anything new. It's awesome, and then you get used to it. And then you get comfortable with it. And when you comfortable enough around other people, you speak your mind more easily. You expect more. I think it's a gift from God that this kind of reality hits -- teaches people what real love is all about!

8. "I don’t get why girls say one thing and mean something different. Like when they say, ‘You can watch the game,’ and then when you do, you get in trouble."
:: Er. That's not nice. Hm. Either such a girl is being purposely bitter and playing games, or she's got an inner struggle going on between trying to be loving and respectful, and of general girlish selfishness, and she doesn't realize her hypocrisy.

9. "What I don’t understand is why girls really, really, really want that nice guy, but once they find one, they can’t date him because now they need a jerk."
:: I can't relate with this, I think it's a secular mentality, and I'm pretty sure this isn't always the case. In general, though, any girl can write a huge list of what she wants in a guy and when she finally gets one, she'll realize all the things she forgot through his flaws, or what she thought she wanted doesn't play out the way she planned. It's easy for anyone to list off all the things they think they're missing out on, but that's covetous. I can't respond to this specifically though. It isn't personality but virtue that makes strong relationships.

10. "Why do girls not like other girls when they first meet them? It’s as if they have to prove themselves to each other before they’ll consider them acceptable to hang out with."
:: This must be another secular occurance. Or maybe I'm not social enough to encounter it. Or maybe we just know how messed up we are and we don't trust anything that is chemically just like us, lol. Maybe we're worried that they'll try to involve us in all that drama that question 3 talked about ...

11. "I don’t understand why women can’t just speak more directly. They always want you to do something, but they don’t put it in words. Instead, they talk around the issue. I wish they were more up front and just said it!"
:: Because it's how our brain works. We think in a "circular" way so we talk in one. We're analytical (can't you tell?) and think that if we can say all the things we think about a subject before we address the point, we'll bring you along in our thought pattern and you'll understand better and agree better than if we just say it. We're afraid that you'll come to some completely bizarre and different understanding if we leave something out. It's most likely why my blogs tend to be so far. And sadly, sometimes people still come to different conclusions, lol.

A few odd things aside, I appreciated this list. It makes me remember that I'm not the only girl in the world and that my quirks aren't unusual, even if they are inconvenient to me and those around me. In the end, we're human and therefore greatly flawed (understatement.) But that doesn't mean that we should just put our hands up and say "I guess that's just how I am" and make it an excuse. Once we recognize our faults, do we continue on doing them, or do we strive to do better?

By Truth Alone

2009-06-02T17:10:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of Sola Scriptura ...

We know, if we have a grasp on basic biblical doctrine, that infallibility is not found through the revelation of men and vicars, not through other books, but that the Bible alone was inspired by the Holy Spirit. We cannot add from this or take from this, we can only seek to study that book reverently, prayerfully and passionately to know the revealed plans and will of our Father in heaven.

It baffles me, then, that many Christians seek an alternative route from the scriptures to persuade their unbelieving loved ones to believe that very truth. Understand that I am not saying it is wrong to define and articulate these things in our own words as we study them -- I would be a hypocrite to suggest as much. Rather by saying this, I am simply articulating Romans 10:17, "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." This is one of many passages which makes it evident that repentance and faith are the fruit of hearing and believing the gospel, a commission given to man, and further that the ability to hear that gospel is granted by the power of Christ -- not the desires and abilities and reasons and rationalities of man.

Yet I have seen people "evangelise" completely apart from the truth of that good news.

So let it be clear:

>> Man will not repent and believe because God "wants a better life for him." (I contend that's not even true the way many prosperity preachers like to say it is. Did Paul have a more comfortable earthly life for Christ's sake?)

>> He will not repent and believe because he feels guilty that some Romans and Jews whipped Christ and nailed him to a cross.

>> He will not repent and believe because you're a nice person and a "good example" and he wants to try this Christianity thing out. (Sorry, Francis of Assisi - words are always neccessary. Faith comes by hearing.)

>> He will not repent and believe because you were able to convince him through long and strenuous debate that his various worldviews and philosophies, whether spiritual or based on beliefs in evolution and the "Big Bang theory" were faulty at best and that Christianity is most logical. (Further reading -- look up Presuppositionalism vs Evidentialism in Christian Apologetics.)

>> He will not repent and believe because Christianity is a pretty good, moralistic world view.

>> He will certainly not repent and believe because he just "wants" to be a Christian out of his own desire, or he just is "afraid" of hell and wants to get in the line for heaven, or was by any other means pursuaded by human reasoning that being a Christian is just a safe bet, "just in case."

He will repent and believe because he has heard the Truth, and the Spirit of God has worked through that truth to regenerate him, enabling him to submit to and love the God he once lived in rebellion to and hatred of. The fullness of that truth, the law and gospel, cannot neglect the truth about man and his depravity, the penalty for sin being death and that eternal wrath of God, (this is the law,) nor can it neglect that Christ has taken the place of all who would believe in Him when He endured the wrath of God for Himself on that cross. It must also not neglect that because of this gracious and undeserved act, we are reconciled to God, guided through sanctification by His Spirit, and await total the total glorification and removal from our sinful habits when He returns to judge, and counts us righteous because of His own work. That is the gospel found in scripture.

I say these things for your consideration. I grow weary of Christians who want to evangelize but do so without these vital truths. It does no good to convince a person to take the title of "Christian" -- Christ said that we must be born again. That can only come by the miraculous hand of God as worked through the preaching of His truth, not through human reasoning.

I will also remind you that inasmuch as we must love our enemy, we must be gracious toward the unbelieving. It should not be our desire to "win the argument", or to outdo others by being the loudest to say "you're wrong!" or to find some way of humiliating them. We should be careful that are not winning others with charisma and clever human wording or emotional manipulation, but that we are simply speaking the truth and waiting for the Spirit to do His work. We ought to be careful, also, that we are not bombarding them with intimidating numbers more than we are communicating with them, for too many times have I seen someone desiring one answer get twenty, much thanks to the "graces" of internet communication. Sometimes we must, with humility, step down and allow our other brothers and sisters to convey that gospel, and step in only if they have neglected that essential truth.

In all of this, I hope to persuade you to do nothing more than to simply go back to scripture and rely on that Truth to bring about the conversion of souls. We can reason with ourselves that "No one wants to believe the Bible, you have to explain other things to them," and I would agree -- you are right that no one wants to believe the Bible. But you were not commissioned to debate men, you were commissioned to give them the gospel. You will not change their minds, nor will they, but God will do this miracle.

Love Vs. Idolatry

2009-05-31T23:15:00.000-05:00

Fortunately, it seems that it is only those Christians youngest in faith who make the mistake of looking at the first commandment as something that forbids "only" the literal worship of another God or the second the literal worship of a statue. Most Christians understand that it goes beyond this. It is usually taught in our congregations and understood very early on that idolatry takes a multitude of forms, that anything that takes more of our focus than God in life can become an idol. I do hope that most folks have already realized this and that I have not taught you anything new, here.

It is easy to profess obedience to this -- we monitor our hobbies, our collections, our work and spending habits and soforth to see to it that they are not taking up more than what is right and holy. It does seem that we recognize some of these things more in our thoughts than in our actions, but nevertheless, we know that we must not be too captivated by any worldly thing that it take the place of God in our life.

Yet I am afraid that in our best efforts, we have still erred in one area that I think, is perhaps the easiest in which to become idolatrous: other people. I think it is because there is a rather fine line. We know it is wrong to put so much time into things, but then we consider that we are commanded to "love thy neighbour," and it seems impossible to give too much of ourselves to another person. And, in part, I would agree. Our love must be unconditional. I would go so far as to say that not only ought every person, but the elders of a flock themselves, ought to put their family before the matters of the church. It is safe to say that much of this time ought to be spent in reverence to God, and that isn't to limit out any kind of recreation, but all in all, all of these things are good. It is not even beyond good sense to do so much as to give our life for another. How, then, can we possibly err?

The answer is simple: who are we labouring to glorify and lift up in it all? And forgive the cliche, but, where is our heart in it?

I will approach this from the perspective of relationships because of my experience. I of anyone know how easy it is to go to church, to engage in the worship, to speak for and to profess to live by the name of God, and all along be more concerned about another mere human being who is, at the core, as depraved and sinful and needing of grace as I am. The Apostle Paul spoke a certain, profound truth during the present tribulation of the times when he wrote to the Corinthians:

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV)

Paul lived in an age thick with persecution evident by his own afflictions. In such an age, it would have been difficult for fathers to be both fathers and missionaries to a world that not only hated Christ and hated Christians, but was hungry to see the death of both. This was piled on their own spiritual battles, when few still had the instruction of the completed cannon of God's word and many false teachers were striving to lead the sheep of God astray.

Perhaps our trials and tribulations pale in comparison to that. Nevertheless, it is true that those who are single have opportunities that those who are married do not. It is all too easy, we see, to be so caught in worldly affairs that we are not given to the affairs to God. And I do not suggest that it is a worldly affair to please one's spouse because again, there is a deep parallel between this and Christ's love for His church which God is showing us! It still remains true that one who is not prepared and discernful can easily be caught up into idolatry even with one whom they dearly love.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple..." (Luke 14:26-27 ESV)

I love this one, because it's been used as ammunition against me more than a few times. Particularily, some vocal Biblical skeptics like to go, "See? Jesus is telling you to hate your family, but elsewhere he says to love your neighbour as yourself! The bible contradicts itself!" ... But that isn't it at all. Take the last verse, which might not seem applicable here, but I want you to see another passage that parallels this. You will find that it shines a lot of light and context as to what Christ is actually saying:

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:34-38 ESV)

We are taught to love our neighbour as ourself but to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. There is a significant difference. Compared to the intensity of our love of God, our love for anyone or anything else, including ourself, ought to seem like utter hatred. I would vouch, even, that unless we truly love God, we cannot know how to truly love anyone else, because God is love, as the scriptures say. There is no true love outside of the love that is in God.

Now remember that I said we do these things so often in our head, but we fail to recognise them in our own actions?

Here is my observation, as I have watched many a Christian couple within churches and all sorts of other settings. They have made that mistake which ought to have been so much easier in Paul's day than it is in ours. Because while we are not dealing with half the tribulation Paul did, we still have those who seem too busy and unable to devote time to both their God and their "betrothed." It is not a difficult observation; for you need only to pay attention to who they write about, speak about, and if you could, think about the most. I do not count myself guiltless in this, but I would suggest that if there is a single spiritual issue which makes it easy to fall into temptation, it is when we begin caring more about a significant other than we so much as think about our own God. And I know this issue can go beyond romantic relationships, too, but I must stick with my example.

Take for example the Song of Solomon. This book serves a couple very intriguing purposes, both in its definition of God's gift of marriage and in a much more spiritual connotation, the deep love between Christ and the church. If you have followed along with some of scripture's greatest parallels, you will find this. The purpose of marriage glorifies God ultimately because it is a reflection of Christ's relationship and utter devotion to His bride, the church. Indeed -- He gave his life for her. She was cut from the world that she might have eternal fellowship with Him. That is the very definition of unconditional love, and it is why I say we can scarcely know how to love without knowing the One who loved us so much.

Considering that, does it not blow your mind to see that all worldly love pales in comparison to the love the Father has for His people? How cheap does every worldly love story become in light of that gracious work He did for us? I am almost suspicious that we would not shed another tear at a romantic film again if we remembered the gospel every time and remembered how much greater love can be!

More profound is this: The love of Christ for His bride was absolutely, completely and utterly undeserved. Nothing sickens me more than to see those mugs that say "#1 Dad!" I fear that such a person to create or to give such a cup has never known the Father in Heaven. Likewise, how often people pawn and say of their friends and their lovers, "you are perfect, you are the best!" I find this not only delusional and absolutely false as we consider the true nature of fallen man, I find it also depraved of the most core essential of true, unconditional love -- it is made on behalf of one who does not meet the conditions! Some have deemed it unfair that scripture should call for people to remain married unless there is infidelity. Our culture has placed such an emphasis today on the personal compatibility, that how dare the Good Book call for anyone who finds themselves "incompatible" to remain together? ... But I would ask you, were we compatible with God, that we now have fellowship with Him as the Bride of Christ?

Absolutely not. That is why Christ had to die, that we might be reconciled with Him and able to know Him! If we truly love one another, however, it will not be because we find one trait or another about a person "pleasing" or "perfect" -- it will come because in the face of imperfection and even outright frusteration, we draw strength from God to love unconditionally as Christ loves the church, and also that wives submit respectfully as the bride to Christ. Note that I am not suggesting we be unequally yoked -- for it is also most essential to a relationship that despite all flaw (which is humanly inevitable,) both have the Spirit of God and exalt Him as they ought.

In all sense, we should speak well, lovingly and respectfully of the people in our life. And yet shame on us to ever seek to glorify anyone or any attribute more than God Himself, in whose glorious face all human attributes turn to dust and all people are as good as used tampons, to put it in the analogy of scripture. If we should ever boast in ourselves or in another, be it not anything more than this -- how glorious that God should save such a wretch and grant that Holy Spirit, so undeserved, unto a life of holiness and sanctification in Christ our Lord!

I could not think of a more beautiful compliment for my brothers and sisters than that.

Just... Be a better you?

2009-05-28T08:30:00.001-05:00

Let me start with a point of clarification.

This is a journal, not a pulpit. I am a young woman, not a preacher. These words are my own thoughts, not that esteemed and inspired scripture, though I hope I am at least influenced by that scripture in the things I say. I am fallible and ought always to be tested in light of scripture. Nevertheless, I am not giving a sermon, and some of the things I say, being personal opinion, I do not think would even belong in a sermon (though I'm sure there are such careless sermons.) That said, I write, and continue to write, that I may get my thoughts out for consideration and for edification, both for those who read these things and for myself as well, through the responses to these things. As is often the case, I am speaking to my brothers and sisters in Christ -- fellow Christians -- and in this particular case, it is directed at our own dealings with the body -- other Christians. I do think that some of you will enjoy this journal because it seems to be a far less theological or even controversial issue.

I have been thinking a lot, this morning, about something which has been pushed onto me a lot as I get older -- namely, the concept of self-sufficiency. It seems almost contradictory, because at least in American culture, so many children are spoiled, pampered, given an unrealistic perspective on life through a highly institutionalised system of education, and then, usually between the ages of 18 and 20-something, are thrown into the mass of confusion we call the real world and told to figure things out and fend for themselves. This is handled in a variety of ways, often through a few years of expensive college courses that one later discovers he or she never really wanted in the first place, or through jobs ranging from part to full time, monthly rent bills, and a sea of debt often brought by youthful wrecklessness.

Nevertheless, this is the aspiration we're given. It even becomes a part of that "American dream" -- get a good job, have a perfect family with vehicles and cell phones for everyone and a white picket fence with a dog named Spot. All because, you know, YOU made it. You did it. All your own, earned every penny, worked hard, and...

Gah...

I want to be very careful in what I say here, now. Scripture speaks highly of work ethic and I will not at all downplay the need for people in every situation to pull their weight and contribute as much as they are given. The problem, I think, is that we have replaced the true idea of diligence with something that has been vastly inspired by our mixed up, modern culture. Women are being expected to work jobs that were never meant for women to do. Young people are expected to learn through experience rather than from the experienced. People are encouraged to do things which will give them inevitable debt, that they might hope to find a job to eventually pay it, which in my eyes is no different than gambling. (For who can say for sure what tomorrow will bring?)

All of this is the spawn of the "DIY" society. "Be all you can be," and "you" can make a difference, and honestly, it reeks of humanism because the mentality is absolutely depraved of the doctrine of depravity! How easily we forget that we cannot, and thus we must rely on God and upon our fellow believers, which being a body (Christ's beloved bride) must work together and help one another to accomplish her purpose.

My thoughts --

If glory was in self-sufficiency, we would not have tongues to communicate our needs or our assistance to others.

Nor would have God, seeing that it was not good for man to be alone, created woman as a helpmate -- more likely, we would have all been genderless, and our children the fruit of asexual reproduction.

Nor would God create us so uniquely -- some more capable in some areas than others, that we might in our deficiencies see our reliance on each other, and in our strengths be able to serve one another, and in others' weakness love them with patience that comes from Spirit He has granted to His sheep. (Love is patient, kind ...) None of this would be so, but rather, we would all be born with the same capabilities, the same environment, absolutely parallel everything...

Strangely enough, it is as though some believe this last suggestion were so. Greater and greater is the pressure to be what we are not; suddenly we are expected to be simultaneously mathematical, and artistic, and deductive, and economic ...

Here is a personal example, and somewhat the inspiration behind this journal ::

I will confess a certain frustration. I am artistic, and a quick learner, and incredibly efficient at the things I do learn. I can be kind, persuasive, comforting, and many other things which are handy in social (or customer service) type situations. I think of things that few others would -- the sort of "that's so crazy it just might work!" type of things. Yet for some reason, I am also incredibly chaotic. I'm emotional, I am disorganised, forgetful, I am wordy to the point of driving some people mad. I'm told I don't have all my ducks in a row, and the only thing I can think is that I need to find a farmer's market, buy 10 ducks, shoot them all in the head and line their bodies up.

One example and tendancy of mine is to create a piece of art which is pleasing to the eye -- until that eye falls on the desk area where it was made, upon all the fallen paint and spilled water and scattered brushes. Call it "artistic afterbirth" or call it what you will, when I am painting, I cannot cause myself to be concerned with both the product and the paint. I would like to, but the mental mechanic I need just isn't there. The "ducks aren't in a row." But unless you shoot them all (as is the only thing I can possibly think of, right now,) you just can't line up living ducks. They'll line up behind their mother, and that's the only one who can put her ducks in a row, so to speak. I suspect that likewise, the only one who can line up my own ducks is not myself, but my own Creator and Sustainer ... And just as it is with every insufficiency, be it mental, or physical, or chemical, or whatever it may be, the Lord heals only as He sees fit in His will to heal. And simply put, that isn't always so ...

That's my quip. And while many have suggested that this is a flaw, and that I need to be more self-sufficient and just "do" things without thinking about them (think about that!) -- I cannot help but wonder which thing is truly expected of a human being. Is it really that a person is meant to overcome an inability and accomplish that which he is inept to do? ... Or is it more likely that those around him ought to cast off criticism and social comparisons and take up a heart of servitude, bring that person along, and teach and instruct him with enduring love and patience? I think that if we chose the latter, we would see that those who are seemingly inefficient have much more to offer than we see. Vut we will never come to see their Spiritual fruit while we are still too hard of heart and self-righteous to bear any of our own for them.

Another example ... When I am initially introduced to a new concept, I am usually amidst the last to understand it but amidst the first to master it. High school math -- I would go for days sitting through class too ashamed to raise my hand and say, "... I have had no idea what is going on for the past week." Yet because of persistent teaching, one day by no cause of my own, the concept would just click! And when it clicked, I honestly had it down better than some of the most vocal "teacher's pets." (If my only mind were more consistent, I wouldn't have made many of the small mistakes that led to terrible grades in those classes, anyway.) It seems that no matter what I'm doing, I need to be shown the way for the first few steps, be it over a lack of confidence, or an unfamiliar concept, or whatever -- and then I could teach it back to you like I'd known it my entire life. So it is clear to me through experience that a little bit of patience goes a long way, far longer than if we were to simply turn up our noses at one another.

Not that we must give others a means to free-load, I am not suggesting that at all! Or that we are so "gracious" that we neglect our own needs and life (making ourselves useless!) Simply, we must be balanced in these things and as we are instructed, take care of one another as a body. Nor ought we pamper those outside of the body, since their physical needs are met in vain if their spiritual needs are left alone.

But if any of you find yourselves disagreeing or uncertain with what I am saying, and would prefer to say, "But there are SOME things that all people should just be able..." then I have one more thought to add.

Consider your life. The most crucial points of your existence today can be summed up as this -- God thought to create you, your parents concieved you, your mother gave birth to you. Of these three, did you so much as have a say in any? In His omnipotence, I do not think God put much effort into it. I do not think, unless you are a special case, that any effort took place at your conception that was not rather welcomed, ... And as for your mother, well, that involved a lot of effort -- but that's Eve's curse in effect, not life as it ought to be.

Nevertheless, all of these things that came about naturally for others in the course of your existence somehow did not require, need, nor so much as desire your input. The most crucial points of your life relied fully on the actions of others. They were natural, and in some cases even easy for those involved, yet you were absolutely incapable of carrying it out. And had someone -- unless it were God Himself -- told you "just exist!" I do not think you would have been any more capable to obey.

So if the very fact that you are alive came by the choices and efforts and love of others, what should keep you from doing much smaller things for brothers who are lost and incapable on their own? The things which are easy and natural to you may not be so for another, but that pendulum swings both ways, and you have handicaps of your own. The brain would not perceive sight without the eye, nor the eye conceive what it sees without the brain. That we would appreciate this balance, cast away our pride and self-certainty, and look rather with patience, perseverance, and all of the virtues that comprise of Godly love, for we ourselves are only the product of sheer and utter grace.

A controversial perspective on "kissing"

2009-05-22T15:45:00.000-05:00

Forenote :: This journal is directed at Christians. Non-believers may read if they like and glean wisdom if they find it; I would only suggest that without such a Christian perspective, all I have to say here can only be recieved in vain.

This article showed up in my "updates" feed on Facebook, recently: [link]

I both share many views with Mohler, and I differ with him in a few areas. On this, however, I find him spot-on. I do not know what the rest of you think about intimacy in non-marital relationships, even normal "kissing," but I wanted to share my own thoughts and experience on the matter.

I've been forgiven for much. The last relationship I had before I was saved, (though I was an unconverted "professing Christian" before that,) failed miserably on many fronts, including going *too* far. I did come away not only redeemed by God, and that is most important, but also wiser to many of the subtleties behind lust, both in heart and living flesh. Without any inspiration from any article (though I deeply appreciate Mohler's input, reading it,) I decided for myself never to kiss again until I'm at an altar. Two years later, I am in my first relationship since I've been saved, and I'm following through with that commitment. In both thought and action, it proves to create an amazing boundary that keeps minds more focused on the glory of God and less on physical intimacy.

Here's a thought. By simple observation, I've noticed that a lot of couples who kiss don't just kiss once. They like to bombard each other with kisses. Seems cute, maybe a little annoying to those of us who aren't lace and floral; regardless, it doesn't *seem* at all wrong.

The problem is in the doors that it opens. I recall doing as much in my last relationship. A dozen pecks on the lip can only remain pecks for so long before lips -- and tongues -- draw closer. An intimate kiss like that is as good as foreplay; if you disagree, then admit that it most certainly leads to it. As innocent as kissing seems, it is the marijuana of lust. Everyone claims it's no big deal, but it's led too many people to go that "one step further" -- over and over again.

And we all tell ourselves we'll "resist that next step" -- but it's not nearly as easy as we think. This isn't a matter I think anyone ought to trust their flesh on, because even if by some miracle we *are* capable of not being tempted, what are the chances that our partner has that same ability?

So it is better not to even take that road unless we know for sure that you will be married someone -- and trust me when I say that you can only know this for sure when you've both said "I do." Just as it grieves a Christian, a part of the Bride of Christ, when he remembers his pre-conversion idolatries and other sins, it grieves the hearts of those in love when they remember what they've shared in past relationships that were never destined to last. Though committed in ignorance and weakness, it nevertheless guilts our mind with a sense of unfaithfulness. Even an "innocent" kiss.

Normally, I have a general rule of thumb about acceptable intimacy and it is this -- if you would cringe to see a man do something with his daughter, don't do it with a person you're not married to. For instance, it would not be off putting, I think, to see a father put his arm around his daughter, or to hug her; this body language communicates a sort of protectiveness which I'm not opposed to at all in non-marital relationships. Obviously, it is not a perfect rule and it fails on this particular matter: I would neither cringe to see a father kiss his daughter on the lips, and yet here I am cautioning unmarried couples not to do it. It is because there is a *difference.* Because whereas some things communicate protectiveness and bonding, no matter the relationship, a kiss communicates something vastly different between happening between family and between a couple (at least in American culture.) Between family, a kiss is sign of deep familial love; between a couple, it is impossible to remove a romantic connotation.

This is never a popular topic, mainly because those who are in relationships already and enjoy kissing have no desire to stop; I always catch fire from these particular folks when I talk about this. Yet I stand where I do. I've got to. In the end -- and we've all heard this before -- I think it comes down to one important thing to remember. It is not and was never about "how close" the Christian couple can get, but how much they can honour God in thought, action and appearance.

A Little Bit of Whine

2009-04-18T05:15:00.000-05:00

Just a quick, personal update.

Oh goodness. I hate to fall back on a cliche, but you know how it's said "You don't know what you've got until it's gone?" There is too much truth in that.

A couple weeks ago, I posted to let you guys know what was going on with me personally, what could be prayed for, and soforth. Basically, I was living in Wisconsin and because I could not find employment (nor had a place to stay or food to eat that I could pay for,) I've had to come back home to my family in Pittsburgh for awhile.

As you might have guessed, the flight was quick and safe. (Though I have some bitter opinions about Philly airport, now.) You know, I never thought I'd say it, but I'm getting tired of flying. I remember the first time I flew, it was fantastic and unforgettable. But now, I've done it so many times ...

On one hand, I left winter and came into spring. Honestly, it was still very cold in Wisconsin, and it's been quite warm here since I've gotten here. (It's only snowed once!) AND ... That's about the extent of the good side of things. Heh.

I don't know. It's just that the minute I got back here, I knew I did not want to be here. From getting into the truck with my father, who was very quick to "lay down the rules" (Specifically that I couldn't complain about his smoking inside, or ask him for help finding a job,) to having lived under such a circumstance for three weeks now ... Honestly, I am not sure what to do. There have been number of trying situations already --

For one thing, there is a potential job at a call center I used to work at, and I need to apply by Wednesday. I see a very good chance of getting the job as it seems to be in cable customer service. I worked for a satellite company in the past and I have over a year's worth of experience in the entertainment/customer service area. I have just the experience they are looking for, in fact.

... But I can't get there. My uncle and a friend both have offered to help me get to the interview, and that is well, but as for actually getting to the job each day? I have no idea whatsoever. I am so afraid of being hired and then not being able to show up for work. But I desparately need this job if I am going to be able to afford at all to return to WI. ...On the upside of things, I may be seeing a break in my tax return. I'm suddenly glad that I paid as much as I did in taxes, last year. But in and of itself, it won't be enough. I do need this work, and would be extremely fortunate to get it in my present circumstance.

There is another rather pressing issue, and it is at the other half of what my father told me. I am going to mention it because I would like some feedback: It is the smoking. I'm having a severe reaction to it, and yet I've already agreed not to say anything. But for the past several days now, I have had a pressing sinus migraine. My ears feel dry, my eyes burn constantly, and I have almost no energy at all. It's slowly driving me bed-ridden and it's putting me on the edge. At times, I feel as though I am going to vomit. I am on the second story of the house and my father is in the basement, but it travels up through the heating ducts or something. I am not sure how, but I do not fail to smell it. Has anybody experienced this, and how did you remedy it? I do not have medical coverage so I can't see a doctor.

Oh! And to make the offenses to my senses worse, those stink-bugs that smell like rotten almonds are back. Ugh. I've taken three of them in my room, already. They... buzz in your ears and stink on your clothing and... blech! I can't take it. I'm about convinced that they're crawling into my head and giving me bizarre nightmares. Like, about giving birth to animals and such...lol. (Don't ask.)

Perhaps the greatest burden is the church one. You see, I haven't actually been to a church since I've been back. I don't know who to go to that I might get to one; nor am I confident in most churches I "could" go to. It's easy to see why this would pull me down. It is true in a sense that I can have my fellowship with God through scripture and prayer on my own, and true in a sense that I still have access to the sermons that are being preached in my church back in Milwaukee, but there is still something missing when I cannot join together with the assembly on the Lord's day. Pray that God will not have me in this painful position for too long, as I know He desires His people to meet together.

In general, I do not hope to stay here any longer than I have to. That being, a wedding which I am in for a friend this summer. (Let me add that this girl and her fiance are two very good friends of mine, and having them here does soften the blow of everything else.) If I went back too early, I'd be making yet another trip here and back, and that's just not realistic for someone who is presently broke.

... On the other hand, I'm not precisely sure where I will go or what I will do to go back to Milwaukee. It has all yet to be made clear. It is as clear that my heart is not here, however. I am badly missing the time I long to spend with my church (who are like family to me,) and my boyfriend, and the friends I left in Milwaukee. But I know that it will allow me to appreciate these things more when I am able to return, God willing. You really never do know what you've got until you've had to leave it behind for a time, do you?

So yeah. That's my "whiney" journal, just to assure you all that I'm still human and have issues of my own. I say most of this simply to vent and also to ask for your prayers and comfort in these things. It is just good to get them out. I am aware that compared to many situations, I am rather blessed to have what I do. But rest assured, I am and will continue to rely on God for all I can, as we all ought to be. Pray that His Spirit endure with me, even as I become frusterated, and that He drive me to strength, and diligence, and wisdom in the choices I make. Without Him, I would be a sinful wretch, but He is faithful to bring about His will in His people for the sake of His glory, and I praise Him for it.

Something worth cheering for?

2009-04-16T05:40:00.000-05:00

Growing up in Pittsburgh, I could seldom remember a Sunday in the winter months where football wasn't on the living room television. The house would be filled with cheers, laughter, and words that I wouldn't properly know the meaning to until I became much older. (You know, like 5.)

Mind you, we're talking Pittsburgh. Every Pittsburgh native knows that it is absolutely essential to one's survival that he be a Steelers' fan here. It does not matter whether you are a football junky or whether you do not even know the first thing about the game. If you valued your image at all, you would be cheering for the Black and Gold when that TV came on. You just wouldn't be caught dead toting any other colour.

Of course, there were certain advantages to actually, you know, knowing something about the game. At 5 and 6 and 7, I really can't say I did. I just cheered when everyone else did.

I suppose the problem came when I got just a little too excited. I'd start cheering or booing at random -- every time something even remotely exciting happened. I'd say inane things. I think I cried the year the Steelers lost to the Cowboys in the superbowl. Because of my ignorance of the game, I could do nothing but be caught up in the emotion of it, and I'm pretty sure that if I knew shame at that age I would have come into a lot of it. Truth be told, I had no idea what I was yelling about at all. I just wanted to "win," whatever that meant.

... It is a sad thing when football culture and the visible church culture begin to find too many things alike. I'm not talking about the fact that both meet together on Sunday. (Though you can probably guess the reason this particular "Steelers' fan" will no longer watch Sunday night football.) Rather, I am referring to this increasing abundance of excitement spawned out of ignorance.

Though I have grown somewhat quiet around deviantART and the rest of the internet these past few months, I've been lurking. I've followed friends and acquaintances and many of the professing Christians I have known, and I have encountered something rather horrific. There is seldom any discernment between truth and trash.

I delight to see that where the gospel is preached, spoken out as it ought to be, there are those who can go and testify and rejoice in the message of of salvation that we have known. Left at that, I would say that these are very keen-minded Christians to delight in the gospel. Yet I then turn around to find things which are bordering blasphemous, and though well meaning as Christian artwork and literature, it is dry of any biblical relevance. (For instance, how many of you knew that Christ died on the cross for hedgehogs? I didn't.) It is bad enough that people ignorantly make such art in the first place, putting aesthetics and personal preference above doctrine and discernment. But what actually shocks me are the ones who praise and support it! They are the many folks who are wise to the gospel, and instead of kindly reproving their brothers, they cheer on blind blasphemy and neglect to see for themselves that God isn't in it!

I am using examples that perhaps some of you can relate with, but this is not the root of the issue. It is that familliar, youth-group "anything goes" mentality that, though I've only been saved for a couple of years, I suspect has been around for several, now.

The problem is this. We have this "Jesus-fish sticker of approval" mentality. Meaning, if something seems to promote Jesus, we dive in head-first to support it. We cast out all discernment for what is scriptural, what is holy ("set apart"), what is TRUTH, and we base our judgment instead on the "emotion" that has gone into the piece. It is as though we were rather following some new-age religion in which "Jesus" is made idol, but WHO He is and what He has done is completely forgotten!

Suddenly, "Jesus bobble-head" becomes a funny novelty. And since "God didn't specifically forbid that in the Bible!" there is "nothing wrong with it."

What draws tears from my eyes is the source of it. It is the teachers. It is those leaders who run the most popular churches, who could with their time be preaching Christ and Him crucified, speaking of the atonement, of the wrath that was satisifed, of we, if we are in Him WILL be sanctified ... (It suddenly occurs to me that a good sermon has a very good chance of rhyming. Hm.) But instead, they focus their time organising sports events and fun-n-games filled youth retreats and all of the unneccessary trash that was never in the Bible in the first place. I mean, just today, a friend of mine told me that as a kid, her sunday school's way of interpretting "our daily bread" in the Lord's Prayer was to glue two bobbly eyes onto a picture of bread. And we find this cute? What wasted opportunity to speak of the need for God's word!

... And I fear that I will have no hair left to pull out if I see one more children's book on "Noah's ark" that completely neglects the whole wrath-of-God part. Some may think I'm being too harsh on the things regarding children, but really just think for a moment here! THIS is what is being taught in so many buildings and amidst so many gatherings which call themselves churches! And unfortunately, though many of you might go to such a church as this, you will pretend I am speaking of some other extreme and your church patriotism will make you blind to the fact that I am talking about you.

And this is why there are those like myself who wander for months and years after we know God, seeking to be fed, starving for God's word, and our hearts are still stunned the first time we hear someone actually preach the gospel from a pulpit. For it is in that moment that those who are fortunate suddenly saw the dryness behind all of those other things which have been given Christian face but were puffed up like leavened bread, with pride and hot air and nothing else. Our eyes were opened to the emptiness to the happy-go-lucky message of Joel Osteen and the prosperity lie of TBN's cast, and the gospel-void 40-day-good-works programs promoted by Warren, because we finally see what the pulpit should have been for. That not just any message which quotes a bit of scripture is truly of God, because even Satan quoted scripture ...

That eyes would be opened! How can a people praise both truth and lie and fail to see the stark contrast between them? Unless it is because we are ignorant, because we have joined the church because it is the "thing to do," and have fallen in love with a culture and an emotion -- wanting simply a team to cheer for, something to be a part of, and we have no problem making Christ no different than a rockstar idol -- instead of the one and true, holy, righteous God. Will we be shown so ignorant and void of truth in the end? That it were never in us in the first place?

... Oh, pray that is not the case.

I would warn every one of you, before you even consider responding to this with every approval and passionate praise -- is it simply because I have posted a "passionate, Christianity-themed message"? ... Or is it because of truth? But I confess that even I have said some foolish things in the past that my bretheren (though I love you dearly) have blindly applauded. It is because there is plenty of Christian "passion" around the web, but hardly enough Biblical truth.

I confess that I cannot open the eyes of the blind and undiscerning, but how I dearly hope that God will.

"If the Lord wills..."

2009-03-25T13:27:00.002-05:00

Last Saturday afternoon, I booked my flight for Pittsburgh.

Ugh. Hardest decision to make! I don't think it's quite settled in, yet. It's like deciding to put to sleep your favourite pet that same day you were just taking it to the vet for a check up. You know you must, you know it will be hard, and yet the shock will hit you the hardest later, and you're not very eagerly awaiting that moment.

I'm flying out very early tomorrow morning. Still have most everything to pack (which isn't a lot.) Won't be able to bring most anything with me, but graciously there are some here who can for a little while store the things that I don't need to bring immediately. As a side-note for anyone flying, most airlines charge for even your first checked luggage, now. It's usually around $15 for a bag under 45 lbs.

The prayer and support of those around me is so appreciated and welcomed. While I do not see myself staying in Pittsburgh any later than say ... mid-July, it is still the most difficult thing to do for multiple reasons. First and foremost, I have mentioned that that my church is my life. When you live in a country which is the proverbial, theological desert -- dry of so much good doctrine -- it seems foolish to walk along anything but the river, because it is your only source of food and water. Yet what can you do when you suddenly come to the edge of a valley too high to climb, and you have to walk around it for awhile not knowing when it will carve into the river again? I can only trust God, Whom I know would have me fed on the preaching of His word.

I admit that it is not the only thing making this hard on me. The others are perhaps a bit too personal to mention, but it is just as difficult to leave behind Milwaukee as it is to enter back into Pittsburgh. In all of it, I know that I must keep my heart focused on God, my fellowship with His people, my mind on the sound doctrine of His word, and my desire with holy living, and I must compromise none of this for my own desires. I must also, according to scripture, be diligent in all that I do. After all, what is a Puritan without that esteemed "Puritan Work Ethic"? Be it not simply a denominational trait, but a biblical one. By God's direction, King Solomon and the apostle Paul alike esteemed us to never become lazy but to work hard for everything which we have. I ought to walk accordingly, then.

Relatively short flight. The entire thing shouldn't take more than four hours, three of them in the air (I get to connect in Philly instead of Atlanta, this time!) I arrive in Pittsburgh in the very early afternoon, which is nice. I suspect I'll be a bit dazed and depressed for awhile, and then I'll get over it and be able to look again to a bright hope of returning here. Consider it an extended vacation, of sorts? One with a full-time job, I hope. And as always, I say all of this God-willingly, for scripture is quite direct: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For(V) you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'" ... In all of it, I am not boasting in arrogance, but hoping with humility. It is for God that I do it all, and so God will do with me as He desires.

Quick Update

2009-03-25T13:27:00.000-05:00

I have a couple things on my mind lately that I am biding my time to put in a journal, but in the meantime just an update on the more personal things. Any prayer would be appreciated.

I've been in Menomonee Falls, WI for a couple of months now. The job search seems to fall flat on its face -- which is my own fault. I don't seem to know what I'm doing without a consistent way of getting around. I have my driver's permit now, but it will be a long time before I am comfortable enough to get my license. Further, I have the same dilemma of needing a car to get a job, and a job to get a car. Living in general is becoming very difficult.

It has been a last resort on my mind for awhile now, but I am beginning to wonder more and more whether I will need to go back to Pittsburgh for a season. Going to school drained my finances and gave me little time for a consistent job. Where I am now gives me time for a consistent job -- but puts me too far away from any jobs.

All in all, God is in control. I only hope for the discernment to know what I ought to do, soon.

Heather

...Examine Yourself?...

2009-03-10T17:20:00.008-05:00

2Co 13:5 Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?--unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

There is a great matter of controversy surrounding this passage, particularily as it pertains to the evidence of salvation in a believer. It is often used in sermons to urge professing Christians to look at their life and see if they fit the biblical description of a Christian. If they do, it is evidence that they are saved; if not, if they "fail to meet the test," it is preached that they may in fact be a false convert. The title given to the teaching that a true Christian must produce a certain fruit as evidence that they are saved, is deemed "Lordship Salvation." I have also found it to be the biblical view.

Contrary to this is a theology is called "Free Grace," a teaching popular amidst classical dispensational theologians such as Charles Ryrie. "All you have to do is believe!" is the battlecry of many of this theological leaning. They argue that there could never be peace in a Christian who is constantly "questioning his salvation" via such self-examination, and that they must be content to recall that time in their life when they believed in Christ.

Pertaining to the admonition in 2 Corinthians 13:5, they will often proceed to point out the context of the passage:

2 Corinthians 13:5 - Paul notes in 13:3 that the Corinthians are seeking proof that Christ speaks through him. In response, he tells them to "examine themselves" for the evidence in this passage. The the evidence that Paul is speaking from Christ is found in the evidence that they are true Christians, since it was Paul who brought them the gospel of Christ. Thus, if Paul is not truly speaking for Christ, then they themselves cannot truly be Christians. (Citation taken from personal commentary.)

It is clear that this particular exegete is correct, and it doesn't take much examination of the passage to see it. But does that invalidate the interpretation made by those preachers who then urge their congregation to examine themselves?

In fact, if these preachers are studied enough and know their commentaries -- John Gill, Matthew Henry or the Geneva commentary, for instance -- they are well aware of this understanding, because all three commentaries mention it. Most remarkably, all three were made from men who would also be classified by a belief in "Lordship Salvation" today, and would agree that it is the responsibility of the believer to examine himself and test himself.

Furthermore, after detailing the very context of the passage as summarised above, Henry even mentions and encourages the application that has come into dispute:

"If therefore they could prove themselves not to be reprobates, not to be rejected of Christ, he trusted they would know that he was not a reprobate (2Co_13:6), not disowned by Christ. What the apostle here says of the duty of the Corinthians to examine themselves, etc., with the particular view already mentioned, is applicable to the great duty of all who call themselves Christians, to examine themselves concerning their spiritual state. We should examine whether we be in the faith, because it is a matter in which we may be easily deceived, and wherein a deceit is highly dangerous: we are therefore concerned to prove our own selves, to put the question to our own souls, whether Christ be in us, or not; and Christ is in us, except we be reprobates: so that either we are true Christians or we are great cheats; and what a reproachful thing is it for a man not to know himself, not to know his own mind!" - Matthew Henry commentary on 2 Corinthians 13:5-6

So then, are preachers wrong to use 2 Corinthians 13:5 to urge professing Christians to test themselves to see whether they are in the faith? Absolutely not! It is clear that Paul could have simply said, "You believed the gospel when you heard it from me, so that is evidence that I am speaking from Christ." Yet he did not; instead, he took an extra step and urged the Corinthians to test themselves. Is there not a principle to be applied from this? Would Paul even ask them to question it if it were not a matter that could be questioned?

Continuing into verses 6 and 7, he goes on to explain that regardless of whether they believe Paul, he hopes that they themselves will be found to have passed the test. How? By doing what is right, and not wrong (verse 7.)

Plainly and simply, the need to examine yourself is not a concept foreign to the rest of scripture, nor is the existence of a people who think themselves saved and are not. We are reminded of the oft-quoted scripture in Matthew 7:20-22, where "on that day, many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord' ... And I will say, depart from me, you workers of iniquity! I never knew you." (This is right after He concludes a parable, "you will know them by their fruits!") We also remember that Peter said "Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities, you will never fall." (2 Peter 1:10) And of false converts, John says this: "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us." (1 John 2:19)

This should settle the issue. Scripture is abundantly clear, especially throughout the gospels and epistles, that there will be a fruit in the believer's life: that as a result of the work of Christ, there will be a changed life, a brokenness over sin and a striving for righteousness. These are the qualities of a blood-bought believer! With confidence, we should take the admonishment in 2 Corinthians 13:5 to apply to us. We know that Paul speaks from God and that his epistles are God's inspired word, so we not have cause to question that. What is left, then, but that we might see whether Christ is truly in us? Let us never cease to test even ourselves. Do we pass the test, doing what is right and hating what is wrong? Or do we prove to have never been made new creations in Christ?

Does Doctrine "Divide"?

2009-03-07T20:44:00.000-06:00

I think well-meaning Christians imply that "we shouldn't overemphasizes doctrine" because "it causes division" and "that's wrong" -- and in the back of their minds they are mistakenly thinking of the following passage:

"I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. For such persons do not serve our Lord Christ, but their own appetites, and by smooth talk and flattery they deceive the hearts of the naive. For your obedience is known to all, so that I rejoice over you, but I want you to be wise as to what is good and innocent as to what is evil. The God of peace will soon crush Satan under your feet. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you." (Romans 16:17-20)

It is not sinful nor divisive to promote good doctrine, else Paul would have been scripture's biggest hypocrite: Romans is just that, a booklet of systematic theology! Read carefully -- "those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught." Paul isn't saying that we should "avoid doctrinal disputes" -- he is saying we should avoid those who dispute good doctrine! Logically, then, should we "not care much about doctrine," or rather, does this mean we should care even more about understanding everything the Bible teaches? In light of Romans 16:17, I would strongly suggest the latter; how can you avoid bad doctrine if you don't know what good doctrine is?

In context, the Romans had already been taught good doctrine -- "how much" wasn't even the issue! Yet in this age, many professing to be Christians care more about "unity" and "not offending" and "not judging" and it is considered being too "legalistic" or "pharisaic" for anyone to suggest that we ought to know -- and promote -- the finer points of scripture. It is now disregarded that despite the fact God Himself found it neccessary to inspire 66 books worth of history, instruction and doctrine, people are saying much of it isn't "important" because it doesn't pertain to salvation. (I would also disagree with that.)

It becomes an incredibly foolish kind of thinking ...

Yes, too much attention to doctrine causes division -- but it is not a "wrong" division. Those who promote bad doctrine also divide, for they confuse and lure true believers away from others for a time. This is why the Romans (and we) are told to avoid them that are "contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught." Consider this: how can truth divide except what is true from what is false? Did Christ Himself not say He came not to bring "peace, but a sword"?

It is my powerful advice to many of you, before you say to any particularily theologically minded person, "that's nice but it's not important" or "it's not worth being divided over" to consider what the Bible has to say about the matter, first.

Historical tidbit: It wasn't actually John Calvin who burned Servetus for denouncing the Trinity, as many like to say ... But I suggest that if he had in fact done so, he wouldn't have been incredibly unjustified ...

I fear we've lowered our standards greatly these days, as to what a "Christian" actually is.

Why I am not "tolerant"

2009-03-02T16:36:00.001-06:00

... Because a low view of sin is the result of a low view of God.

And I am so absolutely tired of the low view of sin that is so prevalent in the modern following that so many people call "Christianity"! Look! The true Christians are far and few between, seldom if at all found amidst most seats in your watered-down mega churches and worship concerts and youth groups and retreats that have been falsely assumed with Christ ....

Know this: I have not once claimed perfection except that which is Christ's. I am saved only by the grace of God. The inclination of my flesh is toward sin, but I have a desire for God to overcome that because the desire is from God and God will finish what He has started.

... But I am so SICK of what we now call "Christianity"! I am so sick of the "Jesus" that "only loves and never judges" and the "Jesus" who wants everyone to be "just the way they are." This is not Christianity -- you have taken Christ's name in vain and attached it to secular humanism!

"But that's your view of Christianity and this is mine; don't judge me." (Or some variant of this is said to me.)

I have watched friends, good friends, people extremely close to me be shown false in their faith. Did they defect -- lose their salvation? Hardly. They never had it. The fruit was rotten from the beginning, and let me tell you why:

Because even though they "knew" the songs, went to church, could talk about the Bible, about youth group, about all of this junk, their heart was never taken by God.

It was never taken because even in those early days, they had sinful sympathies. Excuses.

If I say, "but isn't that a bit low cut on you?" -- Right response? - "You're right," and put a jacket on. And yet I hear ... "If you got it, flaunt it!" Well, such is flaunted more and more, and suddenly it becomes perfectly moral to post nude pictures online. Because after all, "That's how God made us." Should I be surprised when such a person denounces Christ?

When "I don't judge or 'discern' or whatever you call it, against homosexuals" turns into a sort of empathetic view of the sin, into the "Love is love" battle cry, a watered down faith, a "coming out" of the closet as they say, a greater focus than sexuality than God, and finally a denouncing of Christ ...

When a person "oks" passionate kissing in their relationship, and suddenly "it's ok to snuggle," turns to "anything's ok as long as it's not actual sex," and soon they are living together and giving the appearance of evil, and when the truth is out, "we're getting married anyway." (But it never happens, and Christ is denounced.)

These are just a few examples. Truly I have been privy to some things lately which I cannot even write about, because they are too terrible.

Do think it is a mistake? ... Don't you see that these little things, these little scrutinies which folks continue to justify are what cracks them and gives contemporary application of the very verse, "They went out from us, but they were not of us; for if they had been of us, they would have continued with us. But they went out, that it might become plain that they all are not of us." (1 John 2:19 ESV)

I am not a legalist. Drink, but don't get drunk. Play, but don't be given to play. Work, but don't be given to work. Rest, but don't be lazy. Love and do not awaken lust before its time. These things aren't sin, and are good in proper context! But all of this love of darkness, this empathy and defense of sinful lifestyles, this casting off of the gospel for a "seeker sensitive" church, this extremely low view of sin -- when did this become living like Christ?

Do you think that just because Christ did things which contradicted the religious leaders, "all" which seems a contradiction to holiness is Christ-like? If you've percieved that then you have dearly misunderstood the gospels, which are perfectly unified under a solid message if indeed you have the Holy Spirit to discern and study these scriptures well.

Who among you are true to Christ!

Who isn't just in this because it's what you grew up with and are comfortable with? Who isn't in this just because you enjoy the emotional "experience" that some seeker-sensitive megachurch instills sunday morning? ... Who's after more than hanging out with friends in your youth group? More than all of the selfish things that people falsely turn to Christianity for, and are sent away because they were never actually bought by the blood of CHRIST?

Tolerance of what scripture calls sin, has always led to one of two things: absolute repentance or eventual apostasy. Which are you?

I tire so much of seeing those whom I knew and loved as a new convert, one by one be shown false in their belief. How they made excuses and brushed them off years ago and outright spit in the face of Christ today. I hate it!

... And yet I know that as with the days of Elijah, God has kept for himself a people today. Oh, How I pray for you, who are truly His. That you would be encouraged, not to follow in the footsteps of the false converts around you, not to take sin lightly, but to take the scriptures seriously, and to follow the one and only, true and holy God who is King today and forever and ever, Amen.

Who do you blame?

2009-02-20T12:07:00.000-06:00

God ...
Designed man, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
-- Man became proud, and chose to disobey God and rely on his own judgment apart from God ...

So that the earth ...
Which God made that man may enjoy it and praise the creator --
-- Was made by man into an idol, the center of all kinds of carnal desires and false philosophies.

So that sex ...
Which God made to be enjoyed by a man and his wife, and to be fruitful and multiply,
-- Was taken out of context by man for the purpose of all types of immorality -- fornication, homosexuality, pedophilia, bestiality ... Whether the realisation of such things or fantasies thereof.

And so that marriage ...
Which God made as a covenant to reflect the relationship of mankind and God,
-- Was made into a "contract" of the world, to be ignored, trampled upon, and manipulated at man's discretion.

So that animals ...
Which God made to serve man and be ruled and cared for by man ...
-- Were brutalised for the pleasure of some, sodomised by some, and worshipped by some, all against the will of God.

So that art ...
Which reflected the creative nature of man, who was made in the image of a creative God,
-- Became the productive tool behind all kinds of idolatry and lust and expression of a very selfish and deluded humanity. (Just look around. Women are sexualised; men are made into beasts; humankind is demonised. Every pinup, every furry/werecreature, every zombie/vampire/sorcerer -- you name it.)

So that music, likewise ...
Which was a most pleasant way to worship and praise the creator God,
-- Likewise, became an expression of man's sinful depravity, of immoral sex, and drugs, and selfish woe, which he so enjoys.

And so that His own creativity in His creation ...
Which should hint to us the intricate and fascinating and beautiful power of our dear creator, that we might worship Him,
-- Instead gave way to delusions like evolution, freudian psychology, idol worship and false religion.

So that emotions,
Which also reflect the image of God we were made in, Who is, and Who feels, and Who knows,
-- Become man's central system of function, replacing logic, replacing rationality, replacing even righteousness, doing only what "feels" right to his flesh! (Thus the heart became man's greatest deceiver.)

So that love,
Which God designed, gracious and unfailing and willing to do all things for that which is loved unconditionally,
-- Became a word deluded and misused, confused with temporal emotion, and lust, and all things selfish -- contrary to the very definition of love !

So that possessions,
Which are to be enjoyed and acquired righteously, and shared, and acknowledged as temporal,
-- Are rather ignored, abused, coveted, stolen, misused, and wind up consuming the lives of the greedy.

So that parents,
Who raise their children and care for them, whose parenthood reflects our own Father in heaven,
-- Turn around and strike their children in anger; their children spurn and dishonour them in hatred.

So that speech,
Which was made to call on God, to praise Him, to encourage and uplift and love one another,
-- Turned to empty flattery, to lies, manipulation, to curses and spite.

So that food,
Which reflects that as the body is dependent on food and water, so the soul is dependent on God,
-- Man, lacking spiritual fulfillment, fills his belly instead, and culture upon culture is given either to gluttony or to famine.

So that health,
Which was initially never the issue, because man's body was not made to die but to enjoy God forever,
-- Became subject to every illness, disease and cancer, brought on by every kind of immorality and simple carelessness, of the afflicted or of another; reminding man of his futility, his mortality and inevitable death that results from being a man turned away from God...

So that wealth,
Which was never in earthly things but in spiritual, in goodness and charity and compassion, in knowing God,
-- Became a means of greed, but also of the love of ease. So that eventually, man would spend what he did not have, receive what he did not earn, and govern what was never his to govern.

So that the body,
Which was made for every function, designed and God said that it was "good,"
-- Became man's obsession. Men lust; women struggle to be objects of that lust. Spurning work and loving ease and pleasure, he lives to abuse the very vital systems by which breath remains in him, that he only might have a little more time to repent, to believe, to glorify the God who made him --

And so that you,
Seeing all of this, would be remorseful, and know your inability to live in righteousness, would desire God instead of yourself, would give up your life and believe in the only one who can redeem us from ourselves! --
-- Yet you look. You overlook the intended purpose of the world as God designed it, and you instead blame God for the problems that you caused! Or you deny His very existence. In any event, you continue in your ways.

... Oh, but if there were just an ounce of remorse in you, just an inkling of desire for God, wouldn't you turn away from these things and cry out for His mercy, that He might set you apart from this world and make you a light to shine in darkness?

Will you even consider these things?

... Or will your pride get in the way and hate me for the truth I am telling you?

...Tagged?

2009-02-16T17:21:00.000-06:00

I hate doing things like this, so I'm going to try to make it worth it.

_Rules:
_{1. Post these rules.}
_{2. Each tagged person must post 8 things about their self on their journal.}
_{3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.}
_{4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.}
_{5. No tag-backs.}

1.) I did this once before ... over 3 years ago. There were 20 questions instead of 8. And looking back ... there is a staunch difference between who I was and who I am. :: [link] ... A lot has changed.

2.) "Chrishankhah" is the name of a fictional character I once had. Came up with the name when I was about 7 or 8 -- It was a combination of the words for "Christian" and "Ankh" -- "Christian" because she was a "good" vampire, and "ankh" because she was Egyptian and had eternal life. (Ah was just to feminise it.) Wrote about it for years ... Then I got saved. I had to deliberate for a long time before giving it up. It wasn't easy and still isn't, sometimes. But the combination of dark fantasy, demonic things, unbiblical things, convicted me. It bothers me to this day that there are Christians into series like "Twilight" and whatnot, because there's nothing holy about romanticising something demonic like a vampire.

3.) I am a true Christian, a grave sinner who was blood-bought and redeemed -- and given great doctrinal convictions. I am (as the Christian community labels,) "Calvinist," "Lordship," "Baptistic," "Trinitarian," "Regulative (Worship)," "Complementarian," "Covenant." (Note that "legalist" isn't in that list!) Saved for 2 1/2 years. I live my life for God, now. If it is His will, I would like to enter the missionary field. Not to "earn" points with God -- it is simply my conviction and He has made me to desire all things for His glory.

4.) I'm living in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin (about 20 minutes out of Waukesha,) with a couple from my church. I do my best to help -- do whatever I can -- so that I'm not completely "mooching." Nor do I drive or have a job, but am working on both. I was previously going to school here at New Tribes Bible Institute, but distance and some other personal things cut that short. But I am becoming a part of an amazing local church which shares the same doctrinal convictions that I do. I'm not completely sure what God has for me here yet, but I pray His will be done.

5.) I was almost married, once. The wedding was cancelled literally a night before it was to take place. Everything in that relationship, ranging from selfishness to sexual sin broke the relationship -- and also me. This was the thing God used when He saved me. I like to wear my engagement band on the opposite hand as a reminder of a) the fact that I am the bride of Christ, and b) that I must never again be the woman I was (lustful, disrespectful, overly sensitive, etc,) if God so wills that I do marry, one day.

6.) I don't seem to have an ordinary way of thinking. For instance -- I'm told I'm "book-smart," but blonde and braindead when it comes to social street-smarts. ... In general, I pick up on a lot of odd things that most people don't, and yet I miss a lot of obvious things that most people get. (and Sometimes, I just like to pretend to be dumb. ) I'm also intensely overanalytical. Doh.

7.) I still love art. I love photographs for capturing God's beautiful creation. I love artwork because it is an expression of our creativity (which I firmly believe is a reflection of the image of God that we were made in,) I love literature for the amazing truths it can inspire and convey ... And music, food, and soforth. All things in their proper context are beautiful, they are gifts of God. All the more, it is why I become so deeply sick when these things are misused to satisfy human lusts and selfish desires.

8.) ... Oh, yeah. A lot has changed in 3 years -- but a lot hasn't:
- I still have goofy sleeping patterns (but I can control them better,)
- I still hoard (but I hoard less,)
- I'm still easily distracted (but I have a better time controlling it, ... unless you give me coffee!)
- I still love cats (but I don't spaz as badly at people for being mean,)
- light still gives me headaches (but they are less severe,)
- My accent still adapts to its surroundings (and it pretty much has,)
- and I'm still a conservative (but a Christian one, now.)

... I'm going to break the rules and not tag anybody. Instead, anyone who desires to do this, may.

At the Master's Command

2009-02-07T17:11:00.001-06:00

New journal was a long time comin'

I realised that I haven't updated you guys on my own situation since I've been back in Wisconsin (where I did get back safely, indeed!) Arrived the morning of the 10th, got a ride back to Waukesha from a friend and was in church the next morning. The gist of things since then: I returned to New Tribes Bible Institute as an auditor since I am broke, with 2-3 weeks "grace-time" campus to find a place to live. (I say "grace time" lightly because I now owe them $350 for the stay, which I just don't have.)

If you're doing the math, you've probably figured that February 7th is a bit more than 3 weeks beyond January 10th. I've since gotten off campus. I am still presently jobless because it is hard to get around here. The bus system isn't the best since most people drive, and I just don't drive. (Recall that last year, my car was totalled in an accident -- I wasn't in it at the time.)

So I am presently staying about a 20 minutes' drive north, in a place called Menomonee Falls. A young couple from my church named Aaron and Carrie have graciously taken me in until I can get on my feet, which should hopefully be soon. I'm considering, if I can be hirede, a live-in care position in Waukesha where I will take care of the elderly in a small group home. If all goes well, I will be trained and paid to be available to wake up at any time during the night to respond to emergency situations or whatever else may come up. They also have other positions available during the day. There are a few other possible jobs and things, but completely it's up to God to open those doors. I pray that I be used by Him whereever He will have me.

I said I am an "auditor" at New Tribes. The truth is, I have not actually audited classes for over a week now. The last week I was there, I spent much of my time packing and searching. Now I can't even get back there. (Well, I 'could' -- but it would require about a two hour fiasco on the bus every morning.)

I want to speak with caution because I know that a lot of people read this ... But I'm really beginning to question whether New Tribes has any part in my future apart perhaps from some good friends I have there.

I am actually content focusing on my church, CRBC. If I can come to support myself and make a living here, I will be content with that -- and God can take it from there how He will use me and where He will direct me. I am certainly enjoying my current company. Perhaps for the first time since I've been saved, I am finding myself in the consistent fellowship of believers who I match well with on a doctrinal level. (I did not have this so perfectly in Pittsburgh or even at school.) It is a burden lifted, and I find that without stressing so much I can finally rest my soul and focus ultimately on the worship and glory of God. I know that the road will continue to be difficult (as it is for every Christian) but for a pilgrim to finally find the body to which she belongs, it is a time of rejoicing!

Keep me in prayer, as there is still a lot of labouring to be done. I am without car, without job, and the roof over my head has only been graciously lent. It will not be easy, but I know that it is not God's will that I live off others but that I work for what I eat, and so God willing, I will be able to do as much to be a burden to no one, however He should grant the way.

They have a dog here, a dobermann named Rocky. I'm not used to living with dogs, but Rocky is a sweetheart. It's funny, you know? When I let him out, I have to make sure his paws are clean before he comes back in. The first time I attempted this, it was so hard because he just wanted to go his own place, do his own thing. Then Carrie told me that all I need to do is tell him "On the mat!" and "sit!" ... He is so perfectly trained to respond to command.

I am reminded of the Father. Indeed, my Master is of far greater authority over me, than I over any dog. And the day is coming when He will speak and all of creation will fall to its knees! What it is to serve a Master like that ... It repents me to be anything but a faithful, obedient servant to Him!

Pray for me, that I may respond like Rocky to his own masters -- that when God speaks His command, I will be quick and glad to follow through.

In Spirit & Truth

2009-01-17T15:00:00.000-06:00

We know that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We know that our heavenly existence will be one of eternal worship and revelation about our Father in Heaven, and in this our purpose is fulfilled.

The issue doesn't seem to be whether we should worship our God in heaven, but how. I've been studying into this matter lately, and I want to lay out a few points for consideration. On one side, we have what seem to be the staunch formalists, with hymnals and organs and all of the things the present world deems "boring." On the other, we have those desiring a more liberated worship, where you find your overheads and worship bands and whatnot. To the person who gives it little though, there seems no issue. "People should worship how they want," is the general sentiment. "As long as it doesn't go against God, anything's fine. You need to be pouring out your heart to God." The idea here is that we should come to the altar in a way that connects us emotionally with God. We have imagined that this fulfills His glory and Our enjoyment.

It is that very heart in this issue that has become a concern to me, however. Because in scripture, Old Testament and New, God never was worshiped so that man's earthly enjoyment could be fulfilled. Not to say that we shouldn't enjoy worship, but it seems lately that the focus of our worship has come less away from God's glory and more upon how much we enjoy what we're doing. In "With Reverence and Awe," authors D.G. Hart and John R. Muether make this point: Because we think we are more sincere when we are spontaneous and liberated from restraint, we are tempted to conclude that informal, casual worship frees the emotions and that formality or restraint represses our emotions. Somehow we can't enjoy God if we can't offer up all of our emotions, including our desire to be casual. The problem with this thinking arises when we consider how easily our feelings can fool us. We can all too easily fake sincerity and zeal. What is more, we are fallen and do not always feel the proper emotions. So by themselves, emotions serve as no standard."

I have to agree with this point. Remember that I said, our focus has become our earthly enjoyment? When we say that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, I do not think it will be because heaven will include airy, lulling chords and hazy, dimmed lights or a pumped up atmosphere where we will jump and clap our hands forever -- if my saying this offends some of you, forgive me. I only ask you to hear my point here. Our eternal enjoyment of God will have nothing to do with a "style" of worship. I think our eternal enjoyment of God will have much more to do with His divine attributes -- His holiness, His righteousness, His love, His abounding mercy and grace. This seems most in line with scripture to me, which boasts so frequently in these things! Compared to these traits, it seems unfortunate to me that we have made the pendulum of what defines worship swing not on the attributes of God, but on the fleshly appeal of the service. We've somehow gotten to thinking that worship is how much we enjoy the worship, and that this in turn glorifies God, rather than considering that perhaps worship is about the divine attributes of God which do glorify Him, and that our response -- our fulfillment of the worship -- is to enjoy these things.

Again, and more simply, think about everything the Bible says about this temporal world and the desires of the flesh. "Everything is lawful, but not everything is expedient." Likewise, it is not wrong to enjoy things in this world, do not think I am saying that. It is not wrong to enjoy your spouse, your home, your pets, your foods. It is not wrong to even enjoy a bit of entertainment. What is wrong is to esteem these things above the things of God. Knowing that the things of the flesh were never the focus of our heavenly existence, why do we think that what immediately appeals to our flesh must be the best we can offer to God? If this were true, then worship could also be taking a second honeymoon, Christian fellowship could also be playing football with church buddies, and preaching could also be telling a joke about what happened at work the other day. If we've somehow come to the thinking that our worship of God is no different than our every day life, then we have every excuse to look no differently than the world. Worship was never about appealing to the desires of this world. We can enjoy the things that God has given us and He receives glory in this, but worship in scripture was always something peculiar and set apart from all worldly activities.

When your focus is on how pumped up you could get or how the chords and atmosphere could make you emotional and tearful, it is easy to think you have repented and committed our life to God. Yet the very same mechanisms hype us up and make us cry in a movie. How do we really know whether we have truly brought our heart before God or whether we've just fed and manipulated by an emotional experience? How do we know that those things we felt and thought during the service will last and make a difference in our life? ... What about those who are coming to Christ for the first time, when they respond to an altar call? How do they know that they've truly repented and believed on Christ -- or whether they were just so emotionally susceptible that anything felt right to them in that moment?

Why then for the hymnals and the organs and whatnot? Are we intentionally trying to make it "boring" so that we might legalistically impose against these "fleshly" things?

Heavens no! In fact, I would submit to you that if you could come to church with your mind on the right things, these things would not be boring to you even despite the simplistic form of worship. It's one thing to be tearful because a song hit the right chords; it's another to be tearful because you've truly realized the meaning of "It was my sin that held him there, until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished!" Our reasoning is that we simply do not want to distract or detract from these foundational truths. We minimalise the music so that the words can be emphasised. We minimise the volume of the accompaniment so that the focus can be on the congregation singing together. We keep the words in a book so that they can be read and considered and dwelt upon at the pace of the reader, not the pace of the song. We don't have a problem making these compromises because the focus was never on the entertainment and emotional satisfaction of the people but on the worship of God and the enjoyment of His attributes. When you come to church with your mind on the right things -- the simple truths of God -- there is much more assurance that your convictions and your commitments will be true. I fully believe that the truth of the scriptures has a life-changing potency, because it is the inspired and holy word of God.

Think on this: the intense emotional atmosphere that some churches provide, they are certainly not there all of the time. When you are serving the homeless on a cold night, it will not be there. When you are amidst a tribal people for years and years, you will neither find it there. And you will not find it when you have gone to be with the Father in heaven!

But on those nights, and in those years and well into eternity, even, you will still have His eternal attributes. You will have His glory and omnipotence and immutability and grace and righteousness and holiness and love. You will have His forgiveness. It is not simply for "doctrine" that we emphasise these things -- they are what the Christian life is about: not our earthly enjoyment but on these heavenly things. And if you truly grasp these things -- even a taste of them -- there is nothing more you could possibly want! Having these things, what can be compared? Having the grace of God, what more could you want in a song? Having His holiness, what could you possibly add?

Truly we say that He is sufficient. We do not need to make our worship of Him overelabourate. Let the truths of His divine love reign over the music. Let the atmosphere be one brought not by technical advances but spiritual ones, made because of what the Spirit has communicated in the reading of His word. Let our earthly desires succumb to the will of our Father in Heaven, who calls for a worship made in spirit and in truth. Amen?

A Dilemma in God's Hands

2009-01-05T07:45:00.000-06:00

I haven't updated many of you on my predicament lately, and I thought I should.

Many of you know that this past summer, my friend Rachel and I left for Waukesha, Wisconsin to start school at New Tribes Bible Institute. While there, I had a variety of classes, services, and ministries with New Tribes, and I also found a pleasant church, both traditional and reformed. It quickly welcomed me, and there I found so much wonderful Christian fellowship and edifying preaching to really raise my standards of what I hope for in a church. Simply, it was fantastic.

I made some financial sacrifices before and while at school and I hoped that they would pay off. In fact, I thought they would; when my car was wrecked, Rae's insurance company was supposed to make restitution. But, apparently, they were able to find a loophole in the contract and needless to say, they won't be paying anything on the car. Thus, I am broke.

Though it makes little difference at this point, I also do not have the option of living in the dorms this semester. So short of a few grace days upon returning, I must somehow find a place to live and to work, as well as figure out the public transportation system. I don't think I even have enough to get me started in this.

I have a returning flight to Waukesha in less than a week's time. I plan to take it, not because I "believe" for certain that God will provide -- I know that all things are subject to His will -- but because, at the very least, I need to go and get my stuff from the dorm.

If I have to return to Pittsburgh, it's not that tragic. Just difficult. There is a church here that I can go to. It is not nominally "Reformed Baptist" but a calvinistic Southern Baptist church (in Pennsylvania; go figure!) The soteriology is the same, the preaching mechanism is similar, and the people there are kind and welcoming. There is the matter of its eschatology seems mildly divided between dispensationalism and covenant, and the worship is mostly regulated in content but made contemporary in style. Nothing that distorts my overall positive impression of the church. It still isn't the same one I came to adore back at school.

I'm finding it difficult, here. I left behind a lot here in Pittsburgh when I left. I thought I would come back and pick up where I left off, but nothing's ever how you imagine it, yeah? I used to seldom miss a week of bible study at First Evangelical Free, or night of fellowship at South Hills Assembly's young adults service. I did neither of these the past three weeks I've been here! Part of what discouraged me was the proverbial "two birds in the bush" dilemma; both gatherings are now at the same time on the same night. To top that, the Southern Baptist church I mentioned above has a bible study on that night. Trying to figure out between the three has left me choosing nothing at all. Needless to say, things aren't the same.

There is a respect in which things are the same, and I wish they weren't. Being back at home brings back so many habits of the flesh. Around girls I barely know, I can hold my tongue when I feel frusterated. Around my family, not so much. This is the tip of a very deep, dark iceberg.

There is a sense, though I love my friends here, though there are aspects to Pittsburgh which I do sometimes miss, that I still rather live under a bridge in Waukesha than sleep one more night in my bed here. Comically, the thing that holds me back is that I know people would not allow it but would rather insist I return "home" and get a job. Which I may have to do.

God will see His Will through, this much I know. It's my part in all of this that I am fuzzy on. Surely I know I must obey Him in all circumstances. It can be the hardest thing to seek to genuinely serve God in an area and to yet have Him possibly close that door. Harder still to try and make new plans which involve incredibly large decisions when your heart was never ready to do as much. For once in my life, though, I am tired of moving around. I actually want to be settled! But not here... It is my heart in the matter that requires so much prayer.

I cannot help but hold out still a little hope, that there will be some way for me to continue on in Waukesha this year, both in the church and in the school there.

The drama isn't worth it!

2009-01-04T04:31:00.001-06:00

The human condition is really getting me distraught, lately.

We base our assessments of something on a very limited knowledge, think little, judge quickly. Jump to defend; quick to offend. Fight bitterly. Make rash statements. Build assumption upon assumption. Think little before we speak. We don't consider. We don't chew on things. We don't even guess whether there might be another side. We speak as though we speak privately (forgetting that one day all things come to light.)

Gossip ceaselessly. Hunting for faults. Speak with the intention of provoking. Never stopping to consider that we might be hurting someone.

Looking to poke fun. Assuming we know one's character at a glance. Not actually bothering to know for sure ... Listening to others instead of finding out.

Listen: I'm not of the "don't judge me!" crowd -- the one that resorts to a poorly quoted scripture to excuse any and every sin. I'll discern more boldly than many, and I'm often hated for it. But there is a context for our judgments, and that -- that we not be hypocrites ... "Remove the log from your own eye FIRST," say the scriptures, before you judge a speck in your brother's.

How quickly we resort to ad hominems! "You're a religious biggot / deceitful wolf / stupid girl -- your arguments don't count!" If there is a spine to a statement it's a weak one; often there have no defense at all. Just self-righteous know-better pride. Speaking out of ignorance; upholding it with arrogance.

Craving drama. Craving something to feel important / be pitied / be exalted ....

STOP.

Just think. Really think. Really think before you speak so critically!

Consider this //
-Is it true?
-(Do you have a basis for that?)
-Does it need to be heard?
-Will it encourage another?
-... But are you also guilty?
-Are you willing to be proved wrong?
-Does it glorify God?

The heart is deceitful above all things -- who can know it!

"And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse people who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. My brothers, these things ought not to be so. Does a spring pour forth from the same opening both fresh and salt water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, bear olives, or a grapevine produce figs? Neither can a salt pond yield fresh water." (James 3:6-12)

Oh, brothers ... take care, take so much care of what you say. Wars have been started over less.

The Truly Miraculous Thing...

2008-12-24T14:17:00.003-06:00

Those of you who know me well enough know my Christmas sentiment: honestly, if i had it my way, we'd have done away with the Christmas trees and the shopping sprees long ago.

I'm not even saying, "look at the real meaning of the holiday" as though it's about giving and loving and quality family time. If I had my way, we wouldn't be restricting these things to a single holiday. (It's like Valentine's Day -- why do you need to wait until February 14th to do something nice for your sweetheart?)

I'm not even pointing to the fact that it's "Jesus' birthday"! ... Because chances are, it's not. If we're completely honest about it, the pagans celebrated that day before we ever did -- in much the same way. Look at Yule, and Saturnalia (when the ancient romans worshipped Saturn) and their New Year, and you will find the origin of the great majority of our "Christian celebrations."

And I'm not saying all of this because of any denomination I'm a part of. Many Calvinists, in fact, celebrate Christmas with all of the customs of the rest of the world. (I would possibly say that our Puritan ancestors knew better, but anyway...)

Yet that's not the reason I'm writing. My preference would not even be to discuss Christmas, because it will be another dead-end discussion in which some of you disagree and percieve me as "too legalistic" and found your arguments on an ad hominem.

The redeeming quality is this: there are preachers out there, who, rather than preaching on the normal Christmas fluff, namely, "give generously!" and "donate to charity" and "hey, by the way, the tithing plate is coming around..." (And not to suggest there is something wrong with giving, but is "being nice" really the focus of the Christmas life?)

It is this. That, regardless of when it happened, there is something amazing about the birth of Christ. We are not focusing on "how cute and innocent" He was. And though it was important that He was born of a Virgin, as this fulfilled prophesy, even this is not the focus.

The miracle is this: That without unbecoming God, God became man.

You see, God is a perfect God. He is holy (set-apart and unlike anything else) just (His choices are absolutely fair) righteous (He sets the standard for what is good) .. These aspects were not taken from Christ. Indeed, Christ is GOD!

Yet mankind does not even hold a candle to this. Since the days of Adam and Eve, we have been fallen into a world set for destruction. We have been born with a nature that hates God and is always self-seeking. Because of our offense toward God, it is the penalty that every man pay what is owed. Because God is fair, he does not simply overlook these things; they must be punished. Thus, His wrath is owed to us, and because we are too sinful and far from perfect, we cannot ever satisfy that wrath. Therefore it is eternal: this is the lake of fire of prophesy. In laymen's terms, hell.

This is the price on man's head. It is owed by man, and yet no man is perfect that he can pay it.

And THAT is the remarkable thing!! Jesus Christ became man without unbecoming God. As a man, he was able be subject to the penalty; as God he was able to fully pay it. Being holy, and just, and righteous, he owed nothing Himself; therefore, the penalty was paid on behalf of a separate people. Those people were His, whom the Father gave Him, and they believed and continue to believe in Christ their redeemer, who was sufficient, being fully man and fully God, to take on Himself the wrath owed to man.

Do we mind these things when we look at a nativity? Does it even come to mind? Or have we reduced ourselves (like that God-forsaken movie, what was it... Talladega Nights) like to think of Him as "baby Jesus" in the manger and nothing more?

We think we lost our focus on Christmas when it became a bit too commercial. Friends, we don't even know the half of it. We lost of focus long before that. EVERYTHING -- from the conception of Christ right up to the resurrection, and all of the prophesy that came before it and all of the harvest that came after -- is so foundationally rooted in the gospel. It is a far more beautiful thing than any house ornament or carol or charity you can give to. The snow itself cannot compare to the righteousness of Christ ... the very same righteousness that is imparted to us when we believe on Him and are justified by His grace.

You really thought a holiday could do this kind of amazing Truth justice? There are not enough days in a year for a gracious, beautiful Truth as this.

His Will Be Done.

2008-12-14T22:56:00.000-06:00

I sat down on the couch of my empty dorm room with my devotional, a collection of short writings by Spurgeon. Yet I could not focus. As I looked around my dorm room, at the clean floor, the fresh smell, the piles of packed bags and scattered things about the desks, I was reminded of the beginning of the semester, back in August, when things were still new. As with then, there was no anticipation of assignments now. No longer commanded by a schedule, a list of things "to do," I could relax. It has been a somewhat chaotic semester; I am still trying to sort it all out in my mind.

There is a sense that this should not be new. I have had full time jobs where my life was consumed for at least a third of the day. Yet when I went home, I went home. That was it. That was my time. It was my time to talk to friends, to go places, to hang out, to read, to write, to do as I wished.

Yet it is not so here. For classes give homework, and dorms give distraction, and it is an environment both educational and social, all tossed into a mixing pot of Christians from all kinds of circumstances. It is a bubble in one sense, an other-worldly cultural experience in another. And generally, I came into this wanting it. I came knowing it would be hard, but I came desiring a new experience. I desired discipline. I desired to grow and learn. And to some extent, these things have happened, and to some extent, I have caved in at times, and I have not approached everything with the patience and the love that I should have. It may have something to do with the fact that I prayed for humility at the beginning of the semester?

God-willing, I will be back in Waukesha next year; I will be back at NTBI, if He is willing. But I will not be living at the school. After several meetings with the deans, this decision has seemed best. I will be able to learn to live on my own, and hold a job, and it may potentially lower some costs.

Yet it seems to be, above nothing else, an answer to prayer. For long, I have not known whether to continue at NTBI; regardless, I have also come to a church that I love and would like to call my own. If for nothing else than for my church, I want to live in Waukesha. After meeting with my pastor at the beginning of the year, I realized that scripturally-speaking, the local church should be a believer's priority: over job, over hobbies, over everything apart from perhaps one's own family and personal relationship with God (for these are most important.) It does, hoewver, include my education: the church takes precedent over school, since it is a duty of the church to instruct in the word of God. Therefore, if I cannot return to NTBI as a paying student, then perhaps I will come to audit classes. If I cannot do that, then perhaps I am finished after all with this school. God will determine all. My first priority remains, to simply find a place to live in the town so that I can continue fellowship with my church. I am confident that if I put my effort to this task, God will place me where He wants me and provide what is sufficient.

For the time being ... I think it will be strange to go back home -- it always is. I seem to be forming a habit of not staying in one place for long, or in one circumstance, so going back to a familiar one is, in itself a foreign experience.

The flight leaves tomorrow afternoon. I'll be in Pennsylvania for about a month. God willing.

Shall see how it goes, yes?

Isn't the Cross sufficient?

2008-11-28T20:39:00.002-06:00

You know ... I keep coming across stories of youth suicide ...

It's really getting to me. Some of these folk, you might expect it from. Their lives are full immorality and all kinds of junk that are sure to be the downfall of a man. But others, are professing Christians. That shouldn't be happening.

For instance, I recently read of a lad who committed suicide after being exposed to some atheistic propoganda, which some claim apparently hurt his faith enough to cause him to take his life. For sake of his integrity I do not want to link to the article.

Yet I researched the lad's name online, and though I found him to have a lot of political discernment, with concern on the standard Christian issues -- marriage, abortion and the like -- a truly intelligent young man -- I found his approach, largely appealing to the intelligence, and lacking in appeal to all things spiritual. As though he believed in God because he could prove God, and when someone with more years under his belt came along and outwitted him to disprove God, his foundation for faith crumbled.

This is why I must take such a careful approach to how apologetics are used. For to found a faith entirely on evidence is to be carnal, and to found it purely on presupposal is potential fantasy (you can presuppose anything!) Yet the stuff of true faith is, beyond both of these, supernatural. I cannot tell you completely what causes me to believe. It is not because I ignorantly choose to nor because I have been convinced by my eyes. I truly believe that my belief is a work of God.

I looked at this lad's life through tidbits he left in his wake (online,) and he spoke of heartache and drunkenness and though I am in no position to question his salvation, I certainly think that it wasn't any loss of faith alone that contributed to his eventual downfall. I know firsthand how emotions can play on one's desire to live. Heartache doesn't contribute to one's desire to live, and alcohol doesn't help either. Now, I think people make mistakes. I even believe it is possible for one of God's elect to be so overwhelmed that he might make a poor decision in a moment and take his life. Again, I do not claim to know who is saved. I can only look at the fruit.

I wonder -- If the assurance of salvation is in the fruit of the Holy Spirit, to be barren of that fruit, and uncertain of salvation, would no doubt also hurt ones assurance that there is a God. After all, one of the greatest evidences of Christianity is in changed lives; (I am speaking of the true church.) But to suggest that such a loss of faith is the result of a loss of external, scientific evidence is unfortunate. Because, again, in a debate a person needs not to suggest more truth -- only be a more influencial speaker. For instance, I heard it recently mused, "how can so many intelligent people follow Obama?" ... And for that reason. He is an influencial speaker. Hitler was an influencial speaker. He was not correct.

Yet Paul says this:
"For Christ did not send me to baptize but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." - 1 Cor. 1:17

The gospel defends itself. The message of the cross in itself is mighty to save. How convincingly must we have it presented? Is there preached any other thing to draw men than Christ on the cross alone?

Friends, how can we have a Christianity if we are concerned about all of the aspects of Christianity -- all of the studies, the philosophies, the theologies, the apologetics, the political issues, if our own eyes and hearts are centered anything other than the cross itself? The wrath of God was poured out on Christ instead of us, on our behalf, that every person who believes might have fellowship with God eternally! This is the message that saves. Have we lost our focus?

There is nothing more humbling, and yet encouraging, to make us want to submit to God and yet live on for Him, than to remember His work. No political science or worldly relationship or other thing can take the place of the power of the cross. If we find ourselves unsatisfied with life, as though God has not "done enough" or as though the world is somehow too overwhelming with all of its temptations and earthly wisdom and its sin, can it be because our eyes are not upon that cross? Are we not a vapour, and yet God saw us important enough to sustain us? Then what fear in this world can we have!

My heart breaks for the discouraged, for those who somehow see it fit to end their lives, because it is as though we are still seeking the things of the world to give us satisfaction, (if not in our flesh, then in our minds and in our hearts) Yet with all of these things have we been commanded to love God!

We have parts of the body for the reason. We have those to run our discernment ministries and those to give us our defenses and those to guide us in political matters. We have the eyes and the hands and the lips and all of this works together. Yet what are any of these, if they are not guided by the head that is Christ, focused foremost on Him and His work, that there may be something to unite us?

I believe that there is something great happening. I know that God is calling many young men and women back to the truth. I say this not as a general statement but as something possibly unprecidented. And I wonder what God is preparing us for, and I wonder what great opposition we will face?

Were we ever called to lower our defense? Ought we not be prepared in all things and at all times? Not focusing on our worldly drama and our own shortcomings and doubts ... Is the cross not sufficient?

The other side of the Commandments ...

2008-11-26T17:28:00.003-06:00

I had been contemplating something, a thought I found worthy of noting and sharing. It has a great deal to do with the concept that we ought not put a stumbling block before our brother, or encourage sin, but rather that we should encourage righteousness.

The classic example in scripture, posed in Romans 14, is the manner of Christian liberty. The example given deals a lot with meat sacrificed to idols. While this did not convict some Christians, it certainly convicted others. One man's liberty was another's sin. It caused the Gentile who was so used to doing this to worship his former god, to consider that perhaps he was still worshipping his former god. Thus he was guilty in his heart of breaking the first commandment because his unconvicted brothers in Christ preferred their liberty over his conviction.

Primarily, however, I think this issue addresses the commandments that pertain to other men. God does not encourage us to sin; yet how capable we are of encouraging others to sin! The commandments which pertain to men, being summarised as "love your neighbour as yourself," I think, are the ones Christ cited in Matthew 19:18-19. (There is an interesting reason he cited the ones he did, but I won't enter that tangent.)

What about "honour thy mother and father"? Perhaps we do this; we do well. Yet do we encourage our brothers to do the same? Moreover, what about those of you who are a mother or father. Do you, (while obeying God,) make yourself? Scripture admonishes the father not to provoke his children to anger. So on one side, the child must honour his parents, but I think it is also fair to say that the parents must raise and treat their children in a way that makes them honourable, with both love and dicipline, being honest and not deceptive, being rational and not emotionally driven.

Another example, (and I am speaking to my female friends primarily here.) It is commanded of us not to commit adultery, and Christ said that for one to so much as look at a woman with lust is adultery. It is easy for us to say, (and call it liberty,) "I will dress how I want. Men need to protect their eyes."

Oh, but God forbid any of us say that! For inasmuch as a man ought not look at a woman with lust, a woman should not make herself appealing this way. Why tempt your brother in Christ? Or don't you know that flashing cleavage and showing too much leg or midriff is all it takes to make a man's mind into a battlefield? Well, now you know and are without excuse.

If hatred is as bad as murder, do not provoke your brother to hate you! If it is a sin to covet, then do not build up yourself in a way that makes you enviable! And if is sin to steal, do not give your brothers in Christ reason to steal. Christ Himself says that we ought not refuse those who beg to take or ask to borrow. It is sin to speak a blessing on a person who is in need, yet not supply that need if it is within our means. It is not an excuse not to "feel" like doing something. How often I have seen people refuse to do small favours with no good reason.

It is a sin to bear false witness -- to lie. I think some people do this without even thinking, because it is a compulsive habit to them, and that is incredibly unfortunate. Yet there is another side to this, because again, a lie can be provoked. If you ask a loaded question, will a person not be tempted to lie? This also has application to gossip. Do you listen openly when a brother speaks out against another? You do not know if he speaks the truth; ask for evidence before you open your ears to juicy gossip and cause your brother (and yourself) to stumble.

These commandments are summarised as such: love your neighbour as yourself.

Do you make yourself lovable, though? Do you accept love from others? Do you accept gifts when offered? Do you speak to your brother and fellowship and tell them how you are doing?

Or do you draw back, presume that life is one-sided, and think that you can somehow love another without giving them an opportunity to love you back?

Despise none, but do not be dispicable either. Steal nothing, but neither be stingy. Do not lust, but neither be an object of lust. Love, but do not refuse love, either. Do not sin, but do not cause your brother to stumble, either -- for such would not be loving your brother, and in doing so, you have also sinned.

I understand that in some things, we can only do so much, and in others, we have reasons for holding back. We cannot be accountable for every single thing. Yet far too often, I think, we do not make ourselves lovable simply because we are too proud. And I do not think there has been a greater downfall of man than that.

Will you refuse...?

2008-11-21T20:51:00.001-06:00

How often we read scripture and sit through a sermon, listening, thinking, "So-and-so really needs to hear this!" ... So focused on the wrongs we percieve in our brothers, we keep the words from penetrating Our own hearts, thereby refusing the council of God ...

But how can you ever council and love your brother who is at fault, if you cannot first walk with God and obey Him in these very same things?

I am speaking to myself here, (how terrible I am with this!) But I make my convictions known, hoping that you may also benefit.

... Consider another thing. When you admonish and council. Council and rebuke are good things, done for the right reason! But where is your heart? Are you arguing just to win? To profess a higher doctrine and show off wisdom and discernment? To impress?

... Or to proclaim the word of God with love and compassion, that hearts may be restored to Him?

Examine your heart!

I am also guilty of this.

I can't speak from personal experience on what exactly was the problem with the pharisees. Scripture makes it clear that there were probably a few things. But clear, above all else, was their sin in pride. They felt they upheld their law so well that they held themselves next to anyone else they could.

Pharisees picked up stones against sinners because their hearts were wicked and they were blinded.

Christ protected them from the wolves, then admonished them to go and sin no more.

How often I live out my walk for the external! I challenge the sin that can be seen yet ignore the unseen. I see to it that people will look and SEE the Christian, but how little they know of what goes on in my mind. And this is the very problem, the very essense of a cultural Christianity, where we walk so that our light is in the light but are darkness is in the darkness. Christ is light and there is no darkness in Him, says the apostle John. We cannot say we are without sin, but nor can we claim that the Truth is in us if we continue on in darkness, hatefully and unrepentantly.

Yet scripture promises that one day all things that happen in the dark will come to the light. Do you believe this?

Will we allow the Word of God to penetrate our hearts, or will we continue to focus on the external, the seen, and refuse the light that challenges our own darkness?

Undone.

2008-11-17T11:25:00.000-06:00

I've got a lot of fear in my heart.

...Because I am not sure I have approached God the way I ought to have. His Spirit is in me -- I believe this firmly. Yet what have I done?

Cultural Christianity has had a grip on me, and I am still struggling to flee. I cannot struggle fast enough. Maybe that seems irrational to some of you, but I am truly coming undone, because I know that I have not used my Lord's name as I should have. I have not reverenced Christ as I should have.

Is His name really a thing for passing? Is it really a matter to joke about?

I have used "worship time" and my head was often everywhere but God. I was so distracted and captivated by my environment and how much "fun" I could have ... where was the actual worship part? So I flee from all "worship" that causes this. in me.

I have written quotes that I have supposed to be of God -- "prophecy" if you will -- even in this journal in the past. What if I have been wrong, however, and have approached this boldly, and this was not Him or of Him? I have done great injustice if so ... Either way, I have been too quick with my assumptions.

For instance: I have reflected on something I jotted in an old notebook, where I supposed that He was telling me that "Walking in the Light" meant to rejoice and be happy, to love with a joyful heart, to serve willingly, that all of this was the "fullness of His Spirit."

What is that ??

Isn't scripture clear that to walk in the light is to know the truth, to obey, and to be humble regardless of circumstance? Does not true joy and servitude and love flow out from these things, and ultimately from Him?

Maybe He does, in some sense, influence us. Maybe He "speaks" by reminding us of scripture. Perhaps His Spirit encourages our thinking. But can we claim a quote, verbatim? I fear that I may have overstepped my boundaries in presuming upon something that I really know little of.

I've been so irreverent!

... I am afraid to correct. I am afraid for my own reputation rather than for holiness.

I have made Him into artwork, as though He could be "made," as though this were a holy thing to do. I have reduced Him to an image.

How pride has blinded me. How many, worldly things have blinded me ...

How I've neglected to study His word properly. How I have sought to replace that with theory and emotion and celebration and idealisms, how I have been so overzealous (and now I understand how this is possible,) because I practiced such zeal without a proper understanding of His written will.

I am a Christian. I was so before. His Spirit has been with me for a little over two years. Yet I can scarcely keep up! I have ignorantly bought into so many misunderstandings. I have cursed Christian commercialism yet I have taken part. I have admonished others to take care how they use His name and make claims in His name, and yet I do the same. I have done so much in the name of teaching and preaching (is it even my place?) but my own practice falls miles short.

I am made to see that I am dust, helpless in my flesh were it not for His Spirit. I warn every true Christian who seeks after God, this: He will humble you. He will open your eyes. He will mess up everything you thought about the world and about yourself. He will break you. I do not say this on my own. It is very clear, if you pay attention to anything in your Bible. And I am experiencing it, now.

You will think you have it right, and He will show you just how far you are ... I will tell you plainly that knowing God's way is not an easy path. But it is the only true one.

... Oh, but praise Him for His grace and mercy! ... Who could encounter Him and still live to know Him were it not for that? Praise Him that His plan is perfect, because we are the furthest thing from perfection and would be so far away were it not for Him.

Soli Deo Gloria.

Putting the Pieces Together

2008-11-08T19:28:00.002-06:00

There's something both frightening and refreshing about the way God works.

He takes control of a life. He puts you in places you'd never expect to be, with people you'd never fathom meeting, for reasons you cannot even begin to try to understand. It is frightening in the sense that you never really come to a complete understanding of what is going on or where you really stand, yet refreshing when you look and accept that God is still in control.

I cannot even begin to approach all of the things the Lord is doing. In the best analogy I can think, it is like a jigsaw puzzle without a reference picture. You start with a bunch of scattered and seemingly unharmonious pieces. You see, a jigsaw is not painted as it is pieced together; rather, the picture that was painted long ago and is simply slowly revealed to the person who has received it. We piece this together and sometimes mistake some pieces for going other places. We suspect some pieces of being missing because others keep getting in the way. Yet there is a crescendo, a finale, a final result that is most beautiful when seen in full, and we see that no piece was missing, or extra, or ever mistaken. God designed us in full from the very beginning, yet He chooses that we might see His design progressively, that He might grow us in faith and be glorified to the greatest extent.

That is where I am. I've got this puzzle (quite literally, my life,) and I hold the pieces, and God guides my hand according to His purpose. Pieces that I never thought were part of the big picture indeed are. Pieces I never thought would link are linked, and worlds meet. And some which I have thought to be linked in one place, they wind up in another. Some were for an entirely different purpose than I had ever fathomed. Sometimes I have started with the most unconventional, unlikely piece and more has built on it than I could ever see. I know the picture is coming together. I cannot yet claim the epiphany of knowing what it may altogether be, but there is that strange and sweet understanding that all of it is indeed here to fit together.

From the beginning. The churches in Pittsburgh. The jobs I had there. The friends and fellowship. The ministry work. The theological discernment and growth. Move forward - School at New Tribes Bible institute. The church in Waukesha. The folk I've met here. Move forward -- ???. I don't know. I still don't know! ... And yet I'm not worried, anymore. I don't feel the need to know, anymore. The progressive revelation God has given me is enough. Seeing His faithfulness, His response to prayer, a growing understanding of who He is ...

Fleshed out, this experience is filled with great providence, revelation, miracle, divine appointment ... (my vocabulary is sounding somewhat charismatic here, hah!) For instance, who knew that a girl whom I had casually crossed on deviantART, found on MySpace, and struck conversation with through MSN one day would come to be my roommate here at NTBI? I have had several tiny, insignificant inclinations and actions like this that have blossomed into the most tremendous changes.

None of this is of anything I've done. I am not painting this picture; God already has.

"Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know His voice
Who ruled them while He dwelt below."
- Katharina A. von Schlegel, "Be Still, My Soul"

Despite Obama ... Be Encouraged

2008-11-05T17:13:00.004-06:00

I'm sure everyone has read and written quite enough about the political situation. Most of you know that I am a Christian. I didn't really like either candidate . Maybe I would have supposed McCain to be the lesser of two evils, though anyone I would have thought decent enough didn't stand a chance.

I didn't vote. Not because I didn't want to; I thought I had an absentee ballot, but I found out a day before the elections that it was only an application for an absentee ballot. I would have stood in line on election day to register, but I got intensely sick around Monday evening. Characterised by the usual, difficulty breathing, muscle aches, dry throat, runny nose. I wouldn't have wanted to wait two or three hours for registration like that. So the circumstances were against me. And really, I still hadn't decided whether to go with the "lesser of two evils" principle or to vote my conscience. Now it doesn't matter. Anyway ...

What I do want to throw out there, right now, are a couple of reminders for my fellow believers. Many of you, some who are dear to me, have become greatly discouraged by Obama's win. I agree that it is discouraging. I'm not going to engage in any political debates, but morally speaking, Obama is really not who I would have wanted, either. However, what is done is done, and God is sovereign, and before we ever even cast our ballots, God knew that this would come about, and He allowed it to be! And if I may dare tiptoe through the TULIP with you for a moment, I also remind you that despite whatever "change" will come about because of who America elects, it is those whom God elects that know true change. There is no presidential leader that can come into this nation and add, remove, change or reform anything that will solve the problem of humanity. To think as much would be humanistic at the very least. If you do not know God, then even national crisis is a moot point next to your own depravity. Only the Holy Spirit can bring about the sanctifying change we truly need.

That said, every true believer needs to remember this: God is seated on the throne. The deal is as good as finished; one day Christ will return for His church! Our citizenship is not of this world but of His Kingdom. All of this may sound rather cliche to anyone who's been a Christian long enough, but actually dwell on it! What can man, (even a president) really do to you? Does he have dominion over your soul or anyone's? Do not fear our leadership; fear God, and pray for our leadership.

Yes, I said pray.

"First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way." - 1 Tim 2:1-2

Paul wrote this to Timothy when Nero was in power. Nero! If Paul, by inspiration of the Holy Spirit, could say as much for Nero (who did great things against the Christians,) then we can certainly say as much for any leader of this country.

Be careful how much time you spend complaining. If you choose to discuss politics with others, do not be foolish in your discussion, reverting to insults and blind speculations, but educate yourselves on what you discuss and be respectful. Most importantly, do not allow all of it to cause you to lose sight of God and His sovereignty. Do not cease to praise Him. Do not stop bringing your desires before Him! Don't allow your skepticism to cause you to forget that He is in control.

And pray for our brothers and sisters in Christ, that they may remember to do the same.

So, yes. Barack Obama may promise "Hope" and "Change" ... Let him. Our King gave us this long ago.

Love you guys. Be wise.

Depicting Christ?

2008-11-02T20:33:00.001-06:00

All personal issues aside ... heh.

I'm learning things for the first time, some new things, some things to simply a greater extent, that I don't even know I can write them all. I might offend some of you. (... But wait! No one reads this. Haha.)

Something specifically that I wish I could publish on my deviantART site is a conviction that will make me sound either Amish or Puritan to some of you. But it is the issue of depicting Christ. In few words, I am convicted and repenting of this. I shouldn't have been doing it!

Why? It is simple. Christ is God, and God is spirit. It is true that Christ came in flesh, but did even one of us physically witness that? If not, by whose illustration can we say we have seen Him face to face? Not by the Bible, certainly; not by the Spirit (unless we are Paul.)

Look at the Ten Commandments. The second commandment (it's been trunciated into the first if you are Catholic,) speaks all about this:

"Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments." - Exodus 20:4-6

I do not believe this commandment (as the Amish may imply) is saying that we cannot make artwork of God's creation. I do not think that children were stoned if they drew a picture of their pet lamb. Don't misunderstand me. It is clear that the context is referring to the golden idols that many had.

Traditionally, we think, "well yeah. They made statues and called them gods. That's absurd!"

That's true, to an extent. But look at the history, for a moment:
- Who was this speaking to? The Israelites.
- What were the Israelites doing? Leaving Egypt.

... So let me shine a little light on something about Egypt. Before I knew Christ, I was quite captivated in Egyptian mythology. It's not hard to tell. I knew a lot about the deities. At my lowest, I prayed to one of them a few times. I did not think that my statue of Bastet was literally Bastet. I understood it to be a representation of someone that (I had hoped) may actually exist.

The Egyptians actually believed Bastet to be a real, living being in the flesh. They believed this to some level about most of their deities. They depicted her because they thought she could be depicted.

... But let me ask. Can God, who is spirit, who cannot be contained because his existence is infinite in both time and space, be depicted? We can't wrap our minds around that; how can we wrap our pencils around it? I speak the same for every story and allegory that attempts to depict more than an aspect of God. Can God be guessed as a thing of literature might? Can we presume to know what God would say or do in a fictional circumstance? If you can assume God into fiction, I question the depth of your real relationship with Him ... Because lately, I tremble when I compare the God I know to the God I once tried to insert in my fictional works.

Again, folk will say, "but Christ DID come in the flesh! Why can't we draw Christ then?"

My conviction stands firm. I wasn't there. You weren't there. No one here is that old. I absolutely believe that Christ walked on earth in the flesh; I do not presume to know what He looked like, however, and because He is my Lord, I do not think it is my place to presume upon a thing. There is no crime in depicting flesh, but when that flesh is God incarnate, the Lord who was crushed to redeem me, are my hands truly worthy of that? I think a few children's books illustrations can be spared for the sake of not treading on something that may not be my place. The bottom line is that if we truly believe that Christ is God, then why depict Him when God has commanded we should make no such idols -- (being images that represent a deity.)

If nothing else, consider this. Many people have the inclination to want to revere an image and base their idea of God on that image. (Look at how they do!) It's really not worth that stumbling block. There are better ways to honour Christ than drawing Him. Especially those who make light of their images of Him.

Now, to those of you who disagree -- and of you there may be many -- I know I will probably hear your thoughts on this.

But my real concern is this. For those of you who share my convictions ...

Why did you say nothing to me when you saw me doing this?

Divided

2008-10-28T00:06:00.006-05:00

Suddenly, I'm once again suffering that all too common division between head and heart.

As it might be gathered from the last several posts, my heart is no longer in this school, because I've learned that a decent, local church body can do what any parachurch organisation can, possibly better. So my heart is set on being involved in the church, instead. Yet my head contends that I've put money into this school, and spiritually speaking, I've committed to stay for as long as God provides. To top that off, this school is my Waukesha residence. So, if I am finding that I like Waukesha (and I do,) this is the only way I can be here.

I wish I could write it all down and balance it out, but that is difficult. I don't agree with everyone at this school, and I have found a great level of unpeace with some students. On the other hand, there are still folk who encourage me despite disagreement, and who are respectful, and I can honestly say that the instructors love God. Despite the division over things like the doctrines of grace and the lordship of the believer, (both large issues for me,) I can still respect them. The homework load is also getting to me, not because it is too much but because I have handled it unwisely, and my tendancy, when something becomes a burden, is to begin to neglect it completely.

It doesn't help that about a dozen more things have entered my life, unforeseen, that are slowly releasing me from the bubble of NTBI that I was tightly bound in a few months ago. The irony is that this is, by all means, an answer to prayer -- to find the encouragement, and the fellowship, and the wisdom, and the accountability, and the active church that I wasn't getting within the school. (A lot, but not all of this blessing, is coming through the church. Some of it is also coming through books, friends, online ministries, and soforth.) Yet altogether, the more I leave the confines of the bubble, the more I am struggling to keep up with the obligatory things while I am inside. I am, in fact, failing to keep up. I am not beyond grace, but I am certainly at a point where I might quickly fall beyond my own ability to keep up with things. Except by the continued grace of God, I cannot balance it all.

I do not think there is a clear-cut answer to my mess, except to pray and persevere. I have (half) joked that the temptation is to crawl in a hole with my Bible and maybe Spurgeon or Edwards and just read. You see, part of the problem of going to a Bible college is that you study what they would have you study. For example, they would have me study dispensationalism next semester; if I want the balanced perspective that I want to learn this with, I will have to equally walk myself through a book on covenant theology. Not only is that a large reading load, it is a great burden. Most folk don't struggle here because they are fully submitted to believing everything that is put before them. I am not. Being presented with one passionate perspective, and presenting myself with the other, is certain to be stressful. (This is why I joke that I wish I could do my studying in a hole.)

It is hard wanting to read one bible book, but being assigned to another. Hard to read one (non-bible) book, but be assigned to another (three or four.) Hard wanting to write one thing, but being assigned a paper instead. Hard to do one thing with your time, but being scheduled for something else instead. Hard wanting to give your service one place, but being obligated to another instead.

God put me here, though. God knows the balance. In the end, it's really about what God wants for me, and not what I want for myself -- isn't it? It is neither my intention to forsake NTBI nor the opportunities God is putting me in. I am not, by nature, a busybody, so even the prospect of all of this is foreign to me. Don't ask me what God is preparing me for, but pray simply that He continue to conform my heart to His and make His immediate way known to me, that I might not bear so much distress, much longer.

... But if even that is His will? God's will be done.

Heather.

PS: October 31st is Reformation Day. Take that, Halloween! ;)

Playing in the Wrong Key

2008-10-21T01:08:00.002-05:00

A little while ago, I sat down at a piano and attempted to read some music. Now, mind you, I know little to nothing about playing a piano. I can learn some things by ear, but even most of that is unharmonised pecking. Regardless, I know that the very bottom space of the staff is "F."

I attempted to key out a hymn. Some of the notes sounded fine, but then I hit a note that was incredibly discordant. It just didn't seem to fit with the rest of the music! The Hymnal couldn't have been bad. I knew the melody; yet something wasn't right. I tried a few more notes. They seemed right. ... And then I ran into a whole slew that were just ... off. I could not understand how I could be so sure of the notes I was hitting, and yet getting it so wrong.

Frusterated, I gave up.

Later on, I saw my friend Lily and asked her to play the hymn for me. She played, and it sounded fine. So, I asked her to play it again, and I watched more carefully. She played again: just fine. I eventually realised that she was hitting different notes completely.

Then I showed her what I was doing, and she saw my error right away. See, I had been making a false presumption from the very beginning, and it was throwing my entire key off. Because of past experience, I had assumed that the piano started with a "C" note, and so I was counting up from there thinking that after exactly 7 keys above it was another "C." The problem, then?

The piano started with "A." I wasn't simply hitting the wrong notes; I was reading the entire score wrong.

... I have the right sheet of music in front of me, and the right instrument, but I've been reading it wrong. Tonight, I was able to sit down with the pastor of the church I have been visiting for the past month, just to speak about these things -- particularily certain anxieties and differences that I have come into while in Waukesha. And through our discussion, I came to realise something with better clarity than I could ever quite recognise before.

I have gone to churches and never being too sure of certain doctrinal issues (until about the past year,) I have never truly been committed to one place. It was always my concern that membership were a mechanism for numbers and so I felt no need to commit. I saw church as a meeting place for fellowship, worship, and edification, but as such, I didn't see any need to commit to any particular one. It was just a "part" of the Christian experience. So, this entire time, I have been attempting to go at the Christian life in a solo manner, expecting to feed a little from this church here and that organisation there, this believer here and that book there. Now there is nothing wrong with gleaming experience and insight from other parts of the body, but to never have any true grounding ... can a tree with roots stretched so far be well nourished for long?

The trouble obviously follows because I am studying at a school that is, essentially, part of a parachurch missions organisation that I do not even expect to be working through. I have attempted to go about my walk in light of a certain intended "destination" [missions,] and as a result, I have been working toward every "in between" that I thought to be a neccessary predecessor of missions work. My focus for going to a Bible college, for instance, was to learn about the missions field and about scripture, since, at the time, I felt I really needed to learn these things; ironically, I had already, by simply being a disciple of Christ, learned a fair amount about scripture before even coming here. I had underestimated the power of the church and ultimately of God through His Church.

Because, the truth? A good, local church body can do all of these things. She can disciple, build, comfort, rebuke, equipt and send. Not to shift the blame, but what is it about this American culture that has given me the impression, for the past two years, that I could not simply come to God's through the discipleship of a local body? Why have I felt the need to map out my own plan? If God would have me to be a missionary, then can He not move even His smallest church to build me to become one?

To be quite honest, the entire prospect makes me nervous. It has been in the back of my mind for months -- in fact, I almost believe I "knew" it before I left Pittsburgh -- that I would need a true home church, a solid ground, so to speak, in which I ought to be immersed. But recognising this now, and the urgency of it, I am beginning to wonder what to do? At least for the immediate future, I will remain in Waukesha for as long as the Lord provides. However, I also know that this might not be for too long. For all I know, I may not so much as be able to return after December. If I cannot remain here, then what? Do I go back to Pittsburgh to live indefinitely until the Lord moves me? Go elsewhere, entirely? (I have entertained the thought of joining the church that hosts HeartCry, because it is so in line with my percieved calling and conviction.) ... Can I be sure that wherever I go will be sure enough place to begin to grow with a local body, there?

I express these questions as an insight to my human mind and not as an actual, trivial matter. Because the truth is, God is omniscient and in control of all things. This is the very way that faith plays out.

So I emphasise again: It isn't a mistake that I am where I am, this moment. God knew this, too. I do not take back the notion that God directed me to NTBI, at least for this semester -- but I am quickly seeing that God's mind in purpose this was far from where mine was. I came here thinking that this was the major catalyst to my calling. Yet I am seeing that I am still a much younger Christian than I realised.

All of this time, I have been seeking to follow God on some sort of solo-mission, step by step, instead of allowing the His church to truly adopt me and take me in and be the waters that carry me. I was attempting to play a C score in A. The tiny build-up of discordant annoyances have hinted to me that there was something of a larger matter out of whack. (In fact, a friend suggested this outright a few weeks ago and I did not want to listen.) But you can't correct the smaller issues until you correct the main issue, you know?

Thus, I will remain at this school for as long as God provides, but I am prepared to shift my focus. Since school is a time-consuming ordeal, I do not expect a shift of focus to be easy. Yet I find it biblical and I find it important, if I am going to go at this properly. I expect to learn a lot at this school, and truth be told, I love a lot of aspects to this school, including all of the instructors that I have. But it is a burden lifted to know that this is not quite my preparation, but that there is something different yet awaiting me.

Keep me in prayer. I have so much to learn.

Mixing Comfort and Discourse

2008-10-19T21:54:00.005-05:00

I am finding quickly that I am on a proverbial rollercoaster.

I simply cannot write everything that I would like to, because people may actually read this, heh. It is not to say that these are things that shouldn't be thought or spoken; rather, they are things that should largely remain between God and myself alone, at least until He should grant me the wisdom to handle them or deal with them in a right way. Of what I do write, I hope that I regret saying nothing.

... Call it harmony. But there is a strange balance between discourse and comfort in my life. I am finding a lot of struggles in places I never thought find it, and I have found rest in places I did not expect that I would find, at all.

To an extent, some of it feels like a repeat of High School, (though a lot of that may be my own fault.) Some of it is disappointment, brought about by standards that were set too high. Some of it is true, spiritual exhaustion. There were folk in Pittsburgh who constantly pursued opportunities to serve God and disciple and witness and grow in holiness, and I loved it, and fed on it, and eventually took it for granted. It consumed my lifestyle, in a very good way.

... But there are days here, when classes end, and many rush off to fulfill nothing but the desire to be entertained. Seldom since I have been here have I sat with folk who have spoken enthusiastically of what God has done in their lives, who have sought to sit and pray with authenticity, who have desired to serve Him beyond the obligation of their classes and campus requirements. And I am disheartened.

There is also a fear, possibly one that I shouldn't have, of the passionate opposition of certain others. There is a problem of differing on opinion with many, particularily on whether a believer will certainly produce fruit. I believe that at some point, every true believer will show some sign of God's work and that it will progressively show throughout his life. But some have found this view judgemental in their eyes, and rash, because it might call someone to question their salvation if they are living a life that pursues and loves sin. (I am not sure, in that situation, that questioning such a thing as salvation would be a terribly bad idea.)

... But I digress.

All of this makes me appreciate, that much more, the small body of believers that the Lord has brought me to by His divine providence. I see them one day out of seven, (and only a fraction of that day,) but it has become a true sabbath for my spirit, I think. And knowing of God's sovereignty is a great and dire reassurance. For I know that before I encounter anything that has grieved me, God knewabout it. I know that He may even use me to deal with it if He finds it fit to; He may not. Either way, He already has a plan.

On that note ... I don't know what God does have for me. I truly do not. I at least strongly suspect that He has called me as a tribal missionary, but God has the divine right to my calling -- not me. This is one of those times when I've just got to keep on obeying Him in every circumstance and rely on Him despite my lack of sight, trusting that He will get me to His intended destination. I won't lie -- it is hard not knowing where you will be in a few months' time, or whether you will be able to continue to know the folk that you love, or whether you might be taken from them and placed in a different place altogether. It is (I'm speaking of my emotions) hard not knowing this.

But I didn't enter into this ignorant of the fact that this may, could, would happen. In a human way, it is very frightening. Yet somehow, the Christian perspective makes all of these anxieties seem very insignificant.

I do wonder, though, whether I am making the mistake of subconciously hoping for a light at the end of the tunnel on this side of the eternity? If this world is akin to a dark box, then it may be that there will be many more tiny holes poked for breathing, and they will shed some light, but the true flood of Truth and Light will not come until Christ Himself returns.

Not to say that there won't be highs with the lows. I did say that this was a proverbial rollercoaster. But I wonder at the future things. Things I just, can't, possibly know at this point.

Never matter. God knows. After all, He is my author, is He not? :)

Please keep me in your prayers. That in all things, God might be glorified, that I might have the pleasure of being a part of those things, that through whatever circumstance I am in, I can continue -- if even rarely -- to have the true growth and fellowship with the body of Christ that is so satisfying to Him and His beloved. I would take even the crumbs of the bread of life before any grand feast this world has to offer, but God is full of grace and does not starve His children.

The God Who Preserves

2008-10-11T20:54:00.000-05:00

When my friend Rachel and I left Pittsburgh for New Tribes Bible Institute in Waukesha, Wisconsin, my friends had literally written their love all over the mangy car. Things like "We will miss you" and "Honk if you love us" remained for weeks on the windows and everything else. Not long after into our arrival, the ritual spread to other New Tribers' cars, and our own car gained the phrase, "I AM WASHINGTONIAN!" on the back passenger window. (This was a reference to Rachel's home state.)

Classes were going well for us, and between Evangelism, and Hermeneutics, and all of the various biblical history courses, we'd gained so much knowledge and wisdom. Unfortunately, one of our other roommates, Shelby, had some complications and had to leave us early. So, Shelby spent the past week packing up and saying her goodbyes. Friday night came, and I lent her my car so that two of my roommates could escort her home weekend. This included my friend Rachel, and also a girl named Rebecca. I was asleep when they left.

I woke up on the couch in the study room early the next morning, with a beautiful, deep red sunrise blaring in my eyes. But as I stumbled across the room and read a message on my cellphone, a certain news came to me that I wasn't expecting. I read it and had to read it again, for my heart had nearly jumped and I wanted to make sure that I was understanding it correctly.

It wasn't long before I realised that Rebecca, who should have been at Shelby's, was asleep in the bedroom. Not sure whether I should wake her, I covered her morning kitchen work as I had promised. When I came back to the room later that morning, she met me at the door. There was a moment of silence; I looked at her. There was a deep bruise across her neck, hair that was slightly singed, and a red mark across her nose. It was evident that something had happened.

"I got the text ... Are you ok?" I asked her.

She nodded. And in the conversation that followed, she gradually cleared up some of the confusion that had been clouding my mind that morning. So, to the best of my understanding, this is a summary of what she told me:

The three of them had thought about going to a football game, but they decided against it. They were heading home around 10 PM, with Rebecca driving (Rachel was too tired,) Shelby in the passenger seat with her iPod, and Rachel in the back. The back window was rolled down partially, and since gas prices have been rather impressive, lately, they had just filled the tank.

About ... Thirty minutes into the ride, give or take, they were approaching a rural intersection at about 50-55 MPH. Also approaching that intersection -- from a different road -- was a Semi.

Rebecca pressed on the breaks, but they failed. Before the airbags could even be deployed, the engine had burst into flames. The impact into the side of the Semi was head-on. The entire front end was crushed and incinerated within moments. Anyone who would have seen the wreck would have been certain that it was fatal.

But God ... Is a Mighty God. He is merciful. Who can slip through His fingers before their time? To whom has He given a purpose that He has not given also a life long enough to fulfill it? Though it should not have been possible that any survived the wreck, all three escaped in time.

By the grace of God, the windshield did not shatter (though it was broken in by the fire department.) By the grace of God, the door that often stuck did not remain stuck, (for Shelby had to kick it, and it was not uncommon for that door to have problems.) By the grace of God, seatbelts that were not on 15 minutes before were remembered just in time. By the grace of God, they all made it out with their lives.

It is a characteristic of the Lord to take dire circumstances and cause unbelievable results. You will find this theme repeated again and again in scripture. All things work together for His glory. Do you not realise this?

... As I mentioned, the back window had been rolled down -- just partially. Rachel had proudly once wrote, "I AM WASHINGTONIAN!" ...

But, as visible in the shots of the aftermath, it reads but one thing:

"I AM."

New Blog Site

2008-10-11T20:15:00.001-05:00

I have, and hope to mantain, my blogs on MySpace and DeviantART.

... Unfortunately, both of those sites are blocked from school. So, in the meantime, I have relocated here. Hopefully I will continue to hear from my folk. :)

Heather