A Most Dire Truth

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Procrastination Journal

So, not that I have time to be passing -- I supposedly will be leaving in two hours (though I'm beginning to wonder whether that will happen, since my father only got finished playing runescape 3 hours ago and is suddenly complaining that the previously agreed time is "too early.")

I am going back to Wisconsin this morning. When I get there greatly depends on when I leave and what happens in between.

I'm going through the normal anxieties. Keep remembering things to pack. Keep wondering what else I'm forgetting. Delayed and unprecidented thoughts of "Oh my goodness, I'm actually leaving home for real-for good-this time" ...

At some point, it hits you. You know? "What on earth am I doing?"

I mean, don't get me wrong. it is clear that there's really nothing left for me here. When I came back here, I felt sick. I didn't want to be here. For the past three months I've been looking forward to this. It's finally here. But as usual, any potential excitement is trumped by the normal chemical confusion.

The last time I rode there by vehicle was "way back" when ~servantofChrist18 and I went to New Tribes Bible Institute. I don't own that car, anymore. I don't go to that school anymore. It's hard to think that it was just last year. I think I was less anxious then because it felt less permanant, I took only what I needed and, face it, I had someone to talk to, to distract me from any potential anxiety. This time, I'm riding out with the source of so much of my anxiety. Heh.

But that aside ... it's this whole moving thing. It almost feels spontanious; I'm doing it because three months ago I saw no other desirable path, and I still see no other desirable path, and so off I go.

It just feels incredibly, strange. Because, so often changes like this in our lives are sudden; things takes unexpected turns and life goes great leaps and all kinds of other things happen that we don't plan, so we barely have the time to let it hit us. We just react accordingly and go with it. You know, like going to High School, or falling in love...

... But when you plan a major life change, it's different. You have some level of control (supposedly,) and so you suddenly become a lot more fearful and anxious that you may do the wrong thing, or have the wrong timing, and ... _{I wonder if this is similar to what men think when faced with the obstacle of "engagement"? lol.}

And no. I'm not afraid that I'm doing the wrong thing. Obedience to God, loving Him and keeping His commandments is how to do the "right thing"; where we go in life or what we do as we are obeying Him is not going to put us "in" or "out" of God's will; His hand is in it from the beginning.

It's all really emotional and irrelevant. But journals are for getting it out, right?

Order of business...
- Get back to Wisconsin (Friday afternoon/evening?)
- Saturday, family staying, show them around, etc.
- Sunday, church (one of the main reasons I am going back!)
- August 1 - move in date. (I'm going to be staying somewhere else in the area until then.)
... And then we'll see. Hopefully I will land a job quickly, something to pay the rent. Figure out the bus system. Get my life back in order. Not neccessarily in that order, but then again, this is me we're talking about ...

And, yeah.

That's enough procrastinating, for now. I still have some scattered items to gather. Like my thoughts and marbles and mind in general... and whatnot.

Heather

a "classic" love story

t's certainly been a crazy couple of weeks. I was a bridesmaid in the wedding of a couple of real good friends of mine, here in Pittsburgh. So, there was some running around to do for gifts, dress fittings, rehearsal, etc.

The wedding is finally over, though, and I have no problem rejoicing over that -- it was a beautiful day, but I am sure that Lindsay and Steve are happy to finally do away with all the stress of wedding planning and just enjoy their honeymoon in Florida! I am further convinced, between the failed wedding that I had "planned" and watching her (successfully but stressfully) plan this one, that I do not want to go through much trouble for a wedding. Maybe some aesthetical planning of how to successfully make a wedding cake out of oreo cakesters, but that's it! *grin*

I really don't want to bore you guys with all of the details of how I put my make up on, rode in a limo, went to a photoshoot at a graveyard, had champagne throughout, and undid what was left of my hairstyle while riding home in a friend's convertible -- though all of that was quite fun. I normally don't get to do those things. There was also the awkwardness of dancing (and being escorted down the aisle) with a man who is not my boyfriend, because of wedding traditions and such. Of all the things I've done, I have never danced with someone in my life. There was also an open bar, but for moderation sake I tried not to make too much use of that. (Even if it would have "eased" the awkwardness of it all!) Also was the very touching moment of watching Lindsay and her father silently embrace shortly before it was time to start. It might have jerked about as many tears as the ceremony itself.

What does excite me is the back story to it all.

Back about a year and a half ago, i started attending a local Bible Study through one of my churches here in Pittsburgh. What grabbed my attention about the study was that it was aimed at going through the Bible from start to finish, something I had always aspired to do because of a certain chronological context it gave. It was headed up by one, "Steve and Puffy" -- two guys I really didn't know well at that time, but really got to as the weeks progressed. At the conclusion of each Tuesday night, we would also visit a third person (one that I never actually got to see at the study, funny enough,) and that was Becky. Though she usually had to work, she always got home and had something cooked up for us to eat as we would visit, play games, watch movies and just chat after the study. This entire event had a habit of going quite late.

One week, still early on in the study, one of the church regulars brought a friend with her: Lindsay. As the weeks progressed, the girl who brought Lindsay was unable to keep coming, but Lindsay decided that she would go even if her friend wasn't there. Finally, we were able to convince Lindsay to hang out with us at Becky's, afterwards. She was hesitant because she hardly knew us, but as it turned out, my stubborn nature proved to have a silver lining, and she came.

It also turned out that Lindsay lived amazingly close to me. As a result, she started to be my ride home. It often happens with those who drive me places, that conversations do not end when the car stops at my house, and she was no exception. I think on more than one occasion, we would engage in long and deep discussions, confessions, and prayer. And then one night, she admitted that she began to like somebody. Soon after, she admitted to who it was.

Months went by and our conversations always came back to this, as they do when something just eats away at your heart. She wasn't sure what to do. Part of her just wanted to get it off her chest and confront Steve about it. But I had experience with this -- I had liked people in the past, and unable to bear "not knowing" I would finally confess to them. Only to be shut down. I told her that in the traditional and biblical sense, it is the man who initiates and the woman who waits. I told her that the best way to know if this was God's will was to wait for him to make the first move. Truly, I had no knowledge or suspision that he liked her; I could only hope for her and wait upon the Lord.

... Yet it drove her crazy because for once in her life, she just wanted to be with someone that she really, actually liked. Further, she was intrigued and delighted by his Godly character and biblical knowledge -- it was what she had been hoping for and dreaming for in a future husband. Still, she let her love be patient, and she waited: something I admired because I had never been able to do it.

There was one night in particular that really threw me off. Steve mentioned to me in confidence two young men who happened to like my increasingly close friend -- neither of the names were his. Somehow, I took this not to be a positive signal that he had interest in her. I did not realize that he was, perhaps, feeling around to see (amongst other things) if he stood a chance. I wound up telling Lindsay my (incorrect) observation. While she continued to hold out hope, it somehow had the positive effect of encouraging her just to trust God and seek and be lost in Him, all the more. I can honestly say that I have met few young women with her level of spiritual vigour and biblical hunger. And in the midst of all of her questions and all of our discussions and her admissions to not knowing as much as she thought I knew, I think she wound up encouraging me far more than she could ever know.

But summer grew near, and I would soon be leaving for school. She was incredibly sad about this, but she held out. Before I was going to leave, I had planned on going up to New York City for an inner city missions trip with some others from that church. For the longest time, Lindsay heard talk about it and spoke of how much she wish she could go, but was sure she couldn't. And then, somehow, God opened the door and within a few weeks of the trip, she was able to afford to come with us.

That eventful (and humid!) week came and went, and my own departure time drew near. Just a few days before I was to leave, Lindsay and I decided to go to a local amusement park called Kennywood. To make things better, I spent the night before at her house. For a long time, we just spoke of random things, of the trip, of Christian books and of scripture. I could have never expected what she confided in me then: Steve had asked her out on a date.

It was perfect timing for so many reasons, but with me going off to college several states away, I was so happy just to see that she would have someone else in her life to encourage her. I was also absolutely blown away: as much as I "knew" the right thing for a woman to do was to wait, my own impatience in the past never let me see it actually work. To see that follow through so well in her life gave me a much needed confidence: little did I know that in the months to follow I would meet someone myself and once again require the patience of "not saying anything" but to simply wait upon the man, and on God. It subsequently blossomed into the first relationship I had since I was saved. Perhaps it should not have taken me to see that principle hold true in a my good friend's life before I practiced it myself; nevertheless, I am grateful I did.

It was last Christmas that I came back to Pittsburgh, and that New Years that I was able to learn of Lindsay's engagement. Then I came back again this past summer -- somewhat early because of financial reasons. And as many of you know, that was a hard move to make, but I had no choice. I do know that one of the only but one of the greatest positives of it was just to be able to hang out with her again, and of course to see her be married (and to be amidst her bridesmaids, at that! What an honour.)

So... Goodness. How quickly and how wonderfully these things happen! All my love and prayers to their new union, which is a beautiful thing in the light that a biblical marriage is a symbol of the relationship between Christ and the church; this is truly one of my most favourite biblical analogies.

What's left to do?

Well... return to Wisconsin, I suppose. Guys, thank you for your prayers; praise God, because they've been answered graciously. I am set to go back by August 1st at the latest -- earlier if I can find a temporary place to stay before then. (Anyone in the Milwaukee area? ) I've made the deposit on an affordable room in the Waukesha area. It will be an experience actually earning my living for the first time in my life, but it is one much needed. I truly can't wait. Moreover, it will be great to finally be back with my church, and Danny, and all of the rest. So wonderful.

I'm only sad that I *do* have to leave some of the lovely people here in Pittsburgh behind. Nevertheless, my family lives here and so I am sure I will have plenty of opportunities to visit -- and be visited! *wink*

God bless you all!

Heather

1 John 1

1 John 1:

¹ That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands, concerning the word of life-- ² the life was made manifest, and we have seen it, and testify to it and proclaim to you the eternal life, which was with the Father and was made manifest to us-- ³ that which we have seen and heard we proclaim also to you, so that you too may have fellowship with us; and indeed our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son Jesus Christ. ⁴ And we are writing these things so that our joy may be complete.

⁵ This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.⁶ If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth. ⁷ But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin. ⁸ If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. ⁹ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. ¹⁰ If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.

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"11 Things Girls Do" & Thoughts

These random articles pop up on my MSN homepage often enough. For some reason, I felt like journaling my thoughts on this one. It's "11 Things guys don't understand about women." (Source) It's a generally dreadful site with some articles that are better left unread, but I found this one pretty interesting. In any event, it's a break from all of the theology and personal stuff here!

So here are the "things guys don't understand" -- and my attempt to provide a concise explanation. But don't expect too much, because brevity never was my thing. lol. It does seem to be a hobby of mine to analyse things and give answers, though!

1. "Why, oh, why, can’t you create a single, central location for your hair ties and bobby pins?!? And why is there one on the handle of the microwave?"
:: Simple. If our hair is long enough to use hair ties, we almost always have one around our wrist. When we don't want it getting in the way, we tie it back. When we want to impress, we let it down. Any girl who thinks like me... tends not to think. I set things down without a cognitive thought in the world, so I tend to leave a mark everywhere I go. (Good thing I never followed through with early childhood ambitions to work for top secret super-spy government agencies.)

2. "Why are women so afraid of bugs but can regularly pour hot wax on their bodies and rip hair out by its roots?"
:: We can predict what the wax will do. Yes, it hurts, but we see it coming. We have control. We *can't* predict bugs, though, and we don't know where they're going or what they're planning. For the record, if it isn't obvious already, I'm a little less skittish than most girls on this matter. I just don't like house centipedes or stink bugs. ... By the way, is anyone else grossly fascinated by those little hair folicles that are revealed when thick hair is uprooted?

3. "Girls and drama! My God, it’s like an episode of Dawson’s Creek! He said, she said...it goes on and on for years. Do you ever get over an argument?'
:: I really can't relate with this, and I think it's foolish, too. There are probably a multitude of reasons. Foremost, women are more social in general and like to talk. People will talk about whatever they know the most about, and whatever is most interesting to them. If they don't have steady hobbies or interests, then their focus probably turns to the lives of other people. Thus, drama commences. I don't advocate that.

4. 'I am confused enough about why the onslaught of hormones every month, like clockwork, still takes me by surprise (the next day when she gets her period, I’m like, Oh! We got into a fight because she was hormonal!), but why does that fact take her by surprise? Shouldn’t she kind of realize it and be like, ‘Don’t listen to me--I’m hormonal’?"
:: *ahem* Without getting too personal! It's because it does catch us by surprise. I know few people who can predict this with a calendar date, it's not perfect. But any woman unlucky enough to fall to the temptations of PMS isn't in a rational state of mind, anyway. The last thing on our mind is admitting our faults when we're suddenly and inexplicably convinced that you purposely bought us the wrong brand of cheese because you just don't care enough about our relationship.

5. "I don’t get why getting married so soon is so important to most women. Is love not enough?"
:: I'm rather afraid to answer this one, because I'm not even sure. I'm pretty sure the answer varies greatly. A couple thoughts may be that it's because we recognize that we are easily emotional and are afraid of what heartache would do to us -- so we want to solidify a commitment quickly and not risk that. Girls can also easily think, "After all this time does he still not know if I'm write for him?" and run a mile a minute with that thought process. All things aside, I disagree with the wording of the question "is love not enough?" In defense of the male perspective, something like marriage is to be taken seriously and should never be rushed into. But also in defense of the Christian perspective, there is much that is an aspect of romantic love, that is reserved for marriage alone, and those passions must never be awakened before their time. ..But I pulled this from a secular source, so what's to expect?

6. "Why all the shoes? Really, my sister has suitcases full of shoes that I’ve thrown aside more often than she’s even seen them. It boggles the mind!"
:: Gah. I hate shoes. Simple answer -- Guys are almost always casual. If they dress down they have sneakers, if they dress up they have dress shoes. Some have sandals in the summer. All of them are easy to walk in, too. Somehow, it always goes together and no one notices it clashing (unless he wears, say, socks with their sandals. Gahaha...) Girls' wardrobes are more complicated in general, so their shoes not only need to suit the event, but need to match, and because of the existance of high heels, how much we'll be walking is also a factor. (It doesn't help that stores like Payless exist and girls, are inclined toward impulse purchases and vanity.)

7. "I don’t understand their attitudes! Everything is good for, like, the first three months, but after that, it’s a whole different ball game!"
:: That's a two way street. A lot of couples are sickeningly happy for the first few months. It's like anything new. It's awesome, and then you get used to it. And then you get comfortable with it. And when you comfortable enough around other people, you speak your mind more easily. You expect more. I think it's a gift from God that this kind of reality hits -- teaches people what real love is all about!

8. "I don’t get why girls say one thing and mean something different. Like when they say, ‘You can watch the game,’ and then when you do, you get in trouble."
:: Er. That's not nice. Hm. Either such a girl is being purposely bitter and playing games, or she's got an inner struggle going on between trying to be loving and respectful, and of general girlish selfishness, and she doesn't realize her hypocrisy.

9. "What I don’t understand is why girls really, really, really want that nice guy, but once they find one, they can’t date him because now they need a jerk."
:: I can't relate with this, I think it's a secular mentality, and I'm pretty sure this isn't always the case. In general, though, any girl can write a huge list of what she wants in a guy and when she finally gets one, she'll realize all the things she forgot through his flaws, or what she thought she wanted doesn't play out the way she planned. It's easy for anyone to list off all the things they think they're missing out on, but that's covetous. I can't respond to this specifically though. It isn't personality but virtue that makes strong relationships.

10. "Why do girls not like other girls when they first meet them? It’s as if they have to prove themselves to each other before they’ll consider them acceptable to hang out with."
:: This must be another secular occurance. Or maybe I'm not social enough to encounter it. Or maybe we just know how messed up we are and we don't trust anything that is chemically just like us, lol. Maybe we're worried that they'll try to involve us in all that drama that question 3 talked about ...

11. "I don’t understand why women can’t just speak more directly. They always want you to do something, but they don’t put it in words. Instead, they talk around the issue. I wish they were more up front and just said it!"
:: Because it's how our brain works. We think in a "circular" way so we talk in one. We're analytical (can't you tell?) and think that if we can say all the things we think about a subject before we address the point, we'll bring you along in our thought pattern and you'll understand better and agree better than if we just say it. We're afraid that you'll come to some completely bizarre and different understanding if we leave something out. It's most likely why my blogs tend to be so far. And sadly, sometimes people still come to different conclusions, lol.


A few odd things aside, I appreciated this list. It makes me remember that I'm not the only girl in the world and that my quirks aren't unusual, even if they are inconvenient to me and those around me. In the end, we're human and therefore greatly flawed (understatement.) But that doesn't mean that we should just put our hands up and say "I guess that's just how I am" and make it an excuse. Once we recognize our faults, do we continue on doing them, or do we strive to do better?

By Truth Alone

In the spirit of Sola Scriptura ...

We know, if we have a grasp on basic biblical doctrine, that infallibility is not found through the revelation of men and vicars, not through other books, but that the Bible alone was inspired by the Holy Spirit. We cannot add from this or take from this, we can only seek to study that book reverently, prayerfully and passionately to know the revealed plans and will of our Father in heaven.

It baffles me, then, that many Christians seek an alternative route from the scriptures to persuade their unbelieving loved ones to believe that very truth. Understand that I am not saying it is wrong to define and articulate these things in our own words as we study them -- I would be a hypocrite to suggest as much. Rather by saying this, I am simply articulating Romans 10:17, "So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ." This is one of many passages which makes it evident that repentance and faith are the fruit of hearing and believing the gospel, a commission given to man, and further that the ability to hear that gospel is granted by the power of Christ -- not the desires and abilities and reasons and rationalities of man.

Yet I have seen people "evangelise" completely apart from the truth of that good news.

So let it be clear:

>> Man will not repent and believe because God "wants a better life for him." (I contend that's not even true the way many prosperity preachers like to say it is. Did Paul have a more comfortable earthly life for Christ's sake?)

>> He will not repent and believe because he feels guilty that some Romans and Jews whipped Christ and nailed him to a cross.

>> He will not repent and believe because you're a nice person and a "good example" and he wants to try this Christianity thing out. (Sorry, Francis of Assisi - words are always neccessary. Faith comes by hearing.)

>> He will not repent and believe because you were able to convince him through long and strenuous debate that his various worldviews and philosophies, whether spiritual or based on beliefs in evolution and the "Big Bang theory" were faulty at best and that Christianity is most logical. (Further reading -- look up Presuppositionalism vs Evidentialism in Christian Apologetics.)

>> He will not repent and believe because Christianity is a pretty good, moralistic world view.

>> He will certainly not repent and believe because he just "wants" to be a Christian out of his own desire, or he just is "afraid" of hell and wants to get in the line for heaven, or was by any other means pursuaded by human reasoning that being a Christian is just a safe bet, "just in case."

He will repent and believe because he has heard the Truth, and the Spirit of God has worked through that truth to regenerate him, enabling him to submit to and love the God he once lived in rebellion to and hatred of. The fullness of that truth, the law and gospel, cannot neglect the truth about man and his depravity, the penalty for sin being death and that eternal wrath of God, (this is the law,) nor can it neglect that Christ has taken the place of all who would believe in Him when He endured the wrath of God for Himself on that cross. It must also not neglect that because of this gracious and undeserved act, we are reconciled to God, guided through sanctification by His Spirit, and await total the total glorification and removal from our sinful habits when He returns to judge, and counts us righteous because of His own work. That is the gospel found in scripture.

I say these things for your consideration. I grow weary of Christians who want to evangelize but do so without these vital truths. It does no good to convince a person to take the title of "Christian" -- Christ said that we must be born again. That can only come by the miraculous hand of God as worked through the preaching of His truth, not through human reasoning.

I will also remind you that inasmuch as we must love our enemy, we must be gracious toward the unbelieving. It should not be our desire to "win the argument", or to outdo others by being the loudest to say "you're wrong!" or to find some way of humiliating them. We should be careful that are not winning others with charisma and clever human wording or emotional manipulation, but that we are simply speaking the truth and waiting for the Spirit to do His work. We ought to be careful, also, that we are not bombarding them with intimidating numbers more than we are communicating with them, for too many times have I seen someone desiring one answer get twenty, much thanks to the "graces" of internet communication. Sometimes we must, with humility, step down and allow our other brothers and sisters to convey that gospel, and step in only if they have neglected that essential truth.

In all of this, I hope to persuade you to do nothing more than to simply go back to scripture and rely on that Truth to bring about the conversion of souls. We can reason with ourselves that "No one wants to believe the Bible, you have to explain other things to them," and I would agree -- you are right that no one wants to believe the Bible. But you were not commissioned to debate men, you were commissioned to give them the gospel. You will not change their minds, nor will they, but God will do this miracle.

Love Vs. Idolatry

Fortunately, it seems that it is only those Christians youngest in faith who make the mistake of looking at the first commandment as something that forbids "only" the literal worship of another God or the second the literal worship of a statue. Most Christians understand that it goes beyond this. It is usually taught in our congregations and understood very early on that idolatry takes a multitude of forms, that anything that takes more of our focus than God in life can become an idol. I do hope that most folks have already realized this and that I have not taught you anything new, here.

It is easy to profess obedience to this -- we monitor our hobbies, our collections, our work and spending habits and soforth to see to it that they are not taking up more than what is right and holy. It does seem that we recognize some of these things more in our thoughts than in our actions, but nevertheless, we know that we must not be too captivated by any worldly thing that it take the place of God in our life.

Yet I am afraid that in our best efforts, we have still erred in one area that I think, is perhaps the easiest in which to become idolatrous: other people. I think it is because there is a rather fine line. We know it is wrong to put so much time into things, but then we consider that we are commanded to "love thy neighbour," and it seems impossible to give too much of ourselves to another person. And, in part, I would agree. Our love must be unconditional. I would go so far as to say that not only ought every person, but the elders of a flock themselves, ought to put their family before the matters of the church. It is safe to say that much of this time ought to be spent in reverence to God, and that isn't to limit out any kind of recreation, but all in all, all of these things are good. It is not even beyond good sense to do so much as to give our life for another. How, then, can we possibly err?

The answer is simple: who are we labouring to glorify and lift up in it all? And forgive the cliche, but, where is our heart in it?

I will approach this from the perspective of relationships because of my experience. I of anyone know how easy it is to go to church, to engage in the worship, to speak for and to profess to live by the name of God, and all along be more concerned about another mere human being who is, at the core, as depraved and sinful and needing of grace as I am. The Apostle Paul spoke a certain, profound truth during the present tribulation of the times when he wrote to the Corinthians:

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV)

Paul lived in an age thick with persecution evident by his own afflictions. In such an age, it would have been difficult for fathers to be both fathers and missionaries to a world that not only hated Christ and hated Christians, but was hungry to see the death of both. This was piled on their own spiritual battles, when few still had the instruction of the completed cannon of God's word and many false teachers were striving to lead the sheep of God astray.

Perhaps our trials and tribulations pale in comparison to that. Nevertheless, it is true that those who are single have opportunities that those who are married do not. It is all too easy, we see, to be so caught in worldly affairs that we are not given to the affairs to God. And I do not suggest that it is a worldly affair to please one's spouse because again, there is a deep parallel between this and Christ's love for His church which God is showing us! It still remains true that one who is not prepared and discernful can easily be caught up into idolatry even with one whom they dearly love.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple..." (Luke 14:26-27 ESV)

I love this one, because it's been used as ammunition against me more than a few times. Particularily, some vocal Biblical skeptics like to go, "See? Jesus is telling you to hate your family, but elsewhere he says to love your neighbour as yourself! The bible contradicts itself!" ... But that isn't it at all. Take the last verse, which might not seem applicable here, but I want you to see another passage that parallels this. You will find that it shines a lot of light and context as to what Christ is actually saying:

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:34-38 ESV)

We are taught to love our neighbour as ourself but to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. There is a significant difference. Compared to the intensity of our love of God, our love for anyone or anything else, including ourself, ought to seem like utter hatred. I would vouch, even, that unless we truly love God, we cannot know how to truly love anyone else, because God is love, as the scriptures say. There is no true love outside of the love that is in God.

Now remember that I said we do these things so often in our head, but we fail to recognise them in our own actions?

Here is my observation, as I have watched many a Christian couple within churches and all sorts of other settings. They have made that mistake which ought to have been so much easier in Paul's day than it is in ours. Because while we are not dealing with half the tribulation Paul did, we still have those who seem too busy and unable to devote time to both their God and their "betrothed." It is not a difficult observation; for you need only to pay attention to who they write about, speak about, and if you could, think about the most. I do not count myself guiltless in this, but I would suggest that if there is a single spiritual issue which makes it easy to fall into temptation, it is when we begin caring more about a significant other than we so much as think about our own God. And I know this issue can go beyond romantic relationships, too, but I must stick with my example.

Take for example the Song of Solomon. This book serves a couple very intriguing purposes, both in its definition of God's gift of marriage and in a much more spiritual connotation, the deep love between Christ and the church. If you have followed along with some of scripture's greatest parallels, you will find this. The purpose of marriage glorifies God ultimately because it is a reflection of Christ's relationship and utter devotion to His bride, the church. Indeed -- He gave his life for her. She was cut from the world that she might have eternal fellowship with Him. That is the very definition of unconditional love, and it is why I say we can scarcely know how to love without knowing the One who loved us so much.

Considering that, does it not blow your mind to see that all worldly love pales in comparison to the love the Father has for His people? How cheap does every worldly love story become in light of that gracious work He did for us? I am almost suspicious that we would not shed another tear at a romantic film again if we remembered the gospel every time and remembered how much greater love can be!

More profound is this: The love of Christ for His bride was absolutely, completely and utterly undeserved. Nothing sickens me more than to see those mugs that say "#1 Dad!" I fear that such a person to create or to give such a cup has never known the Father in Heaven. Likewise, how often people pawn and say of their friends and their lovers, "you are perfect, you are the best!" I find this not only delusional and absolutely false as we consider the true nature of fallen man, I find it also depraved of the most core essential of true, unconditional love -- it is made on behalf of one who does not meet the conditions! Some have deemed it unfair that scripture should call for people to remain married unless there is infidelity. Our culture has placed such an emphasis today on the personal compatibility, that how dare the Good Book call for anyone who finds themselves "incompatible" to remain together? ... But I would ask you, were we compatible with God, that we now have fellowship with Him as the Bride of Christ?

Absolutely not. That is why Christ had to die, that we might be reconciled with Him and able to know Him! If we truly love one another, however, it will not be because we find one trait or another about a person "pleasing" or "perfect" -- it will come because in the face of imperfection and even outright frusteration, we draw strength from God to love unconditionally as Christ loves the church, and also that wives submit respectfully as the bride to Christ. Note that I am not suggesting we be unequally yoked -- for it is also most essential to a relationship that despite all flaw (which is humanly inevitable,) both have the Spirit of God and exalt Him as they ought.

In all sense, we should speak well, lovingly and respectfully of the people in our life. And yet shame on us to ever seek to glorify anyone or any attribute more than God Himself, in whose glorious face all human attributes turn to dust and all people are as good as used tampons, to put it in the analogy of scripture. If we should ever boast in ourselves or in another, be it not anything more than this -- how glorious that God should save such a wretch and grant that Holy Spirit, so undeserved, unto a life of holiness and sanctification in Christ our Lord!

I could not think of a more beautiful compliment for my brothers and sisters than that.

Just... Be a better you?

Let me start with a point of clarification.

This is a journal, not a pulpit. I am a young woman, not a preacher. These words are my own thoughts, not that esteemed and inspired scripture, though I hope I am at least influenced by that scripture in the things I say. I am fallible and ought always to be tested in light of scripture. Nevertheless, I am not giving a sermon, and some of the things I say, being personal opinion, I do not think would even belong in a sermon (though I'm sure there are such careless sermons.) That said, I write, and continue to write, that I may get my thoughts out for consideration and for edification, both for those who read these things and for myself as well, through the responses to these things. As is often the case, I am speaking to my brothers and sisters in Christ -- fellow Christians -- and in this particular case, it is directed at our own dealings with the body -- other Christians. I do think that some of you will enjoy this journal because it seems to be a far less theological or even controversial issue.

I have been thinking a lot, this morning, about something which has been pushed onto me a lot as I get older -- namely, the concept of self-sufficiency. It seems almost contradictory, because at least in American culture, so many children are spoiled, pampered, given an unrealistic perspective on life through a highly institutionalised system of education, and then, usually between the ages of 18 and 20-something, are thrown into the mass of confusion we call the real world and told to figure things out and fend for themselves. This is handled in a variety of ways, often through a few years of expensive college courses that one later discovers he or she never really wanted in the first place, or through jobs ranging from part to full time, monthly rent bills, and a sea of debt often brought by youthful wrecklessness.

Nevertheless, this is the aspiration we're given. It even becomes a part of that "American dream" -- get a good job, have a perfect family with vehicles and cell phones for everyone and a white picket fence with a dog named Spot. All because, you know, YOU made it. You did it. All your own, earned every penny, worked hard, and...

Gah...

I want to be very careful in what I say here, now. Scripture speaks highly of work ethic and I will not at all downplay the need for people in every situation to pull their weight and contribute as much as they are given. The problem, I think, is that we have replaced the true idea of diligence with something that has been vastly inspired by our mixed up, modern culture. Women are being expected to work jobs that were never meant for women to do. Young people are expected to learn through experience rather than from the experienced. People are encouraged to do things which will give them inevitable debt, that they might hope to find a job to eventually pay it, which in my eyes is no different than gambling. (For who can say for sure what tomorrow will bring?)

All of this is the spawn of the "DIY" society. "Be all you can be," and "you" can make a difference, and honestly, it reeks of humanism because the mentality is absolutely depraved of the doctrine of depravity! How easily we forget that we cannot, and thus we must rely on God and upon our fellow believers, which being a body (Christ's beloved bride) must work together and help one another to accomplish her purpose.

My thoughts --

If glory was in self-sufficiency, we would not have tongues to communicate our needs or our assistance to others.

Nor would have God, seeing that it was not good for man to be alone, created woman as a helpmate -- more likely, we would have all been genderless, and our children the fruit of asexual reproduction.

Nor would God create us so uniquely -- some more capable in some areas than others, that we might in our deficiencies see our reliance on each other, and in our strengths be able to serve one another, and in others' weakness love them with patience that comes from Spirit He has granted to His sheep. (Love is patient, kind ...) None of this would be so, but rather, we would all be born with the same capabilities, the same environment, absolutely parallel everything...

Strangely enough, it is as though some believe this last suggestion were so. Greater and greater is the pressure to be what we are not; suddenly we are expected to be simultaneously mathematical, and artistic, and deductive, and economic ...

Here is a personal example, and somewhat the inspiration behind this journal ::

I will confess a certain frustration. I am artistic, and a quick learner, and incredibly efficient at the things I do learn. I can be kind, persuasive, comforting, and many other things which are handy in social (or customer service) type situations. I think of things that few others would -- the sort of "that's so crazy it just might work!" type of things. Yet for some reason, I am also incredibly chaotic. I'm emotional, I am disorganised, forgetful, I am wordy to the point of driving some people mad. I'm told I don't have all my ducks in a row, and the only thing I can think is that I need to find a farmer's market, buy 10 ducks, shoot them all in the head and line their bodies up.

One example and tendancy of mine is to create a piece of art which is pleasing to the eye -- until that eye falls on the desk area where it was made, upon all the fallen paint and spilled water and scattered brushes. Call it "artistic afterbirth" or call it what you will, when I am painting, I cannot cause myself to be concerned with both the product and the paint. I would like to, but the mental mechanic I need just isn't there. The "ducks aren't in a row." But unless you shoot them all (as is the only thing I can possibly think of, right now,) you just can't line up living ducks. They'll line up behind their mother, and that's the only one who can put her ducks in a row, so to speak. I suspect that likewise, the only one who can line up my own ducks is not myself, but my own Creator and Sustainer ... And just as it is with every insufficiency, be it mental, or physical, or chemical, or whatever it may be, the Lord heals only as He sees fit in His will to heal. And simply put, that isn't always so ...

That's my quip. And while many have suggested that this is a flaw, and that I need to be more self-sufficient and just "do" things without thinking about them (think about that!) -- I cannot help but wonder which thing is truly expected of a human being. Is it really that a person is meant to overcome an inability and accomplish that which he is inept to do? ... Or is it more likely that those around him ought to cast off criticism and social comparisons and take up a heart of servitude, bring that person along, and teach and instruct him with enduring love and patience? I think that if we chose the latter, we would see that those who are seemingly inefficient have much more to offer than we see. Vut we will never come to see their Spiritual fruit while we are still too hard of heart and self-righteous to bear any of our own for them.

Another example ... When I am initially introduced to a new concept, I am usually amidst the last to understand it but amidst the first to master it. High school math -- I would go for days sitting through class too ashamed to raise my hand and say, "... I have had no idea what is going on for the past week." Yet because of persistent teaching, one day by no cause of my own, the concept would just click! And when it clicked, I honestly had it down better than some of the most vocal "teacher's pets." (If my only mind were more consistent, I wouldn't have made many of the small mistakes that led to terrible grades in those classes, anyway.) It seems that no matter what I'm doing, I need to be shown the way for the first few steps, be it over a lack of confidence, or an unfamiliar concept, or whatever -- and then I could teach it back to you like I'd known it my entire life. So it is clear to me through experience that a little bit of patience goes a long way, far longer than if we were to simply turn up our noses at one another.

Not that we must give others a means to free-load, I am not suggesting that at all! Or that we are so "gracious" that we neglect our own needs and life (making ourselves useless!) Simply, we must be balanced in these things and as we are instructed, take care of one another as a body. Nor ought we pamper those outside of the body, since their physical needs are met in vain if their spiritual needs are left alone.

But if any of you find yourselves disagreeing or uncertain with what I am saying, and would prefer to say, "But there are SOME things that all people should just be able..." then I have one more thought to add.

Consider your life. The most crucial points of your existence today can be summed up as this -- God thought to create you, your parents concieved you, your mother gave birth to you. Of these three, did you so much as have a say in any? In His omnipotence, I do not think God put much effort into it. I do not think, unless you are a special case, that any effort took place at your conception that was not rather welcomed, ... And as for your mother, well, that involved a lot of effort -- but that's Eve's curse in effect, not life as it ought to be.

Nevertheless, all of these things that came about naturally for others in the course of your existence somehow did not require, need, nor so much as desire your input. The most crucial points of your life relied fully on the actions of others. They were natural, and in some cases even easy for those involved, yet you were absolutely incapable of carrying it out. And had someone -- unless it were God Himself -- told you "just exist!" I do not think you would have been any more capable to obey.

So if the very fact that you are alive came by the choices and efforts and love of others, what should keep you from doing much smaller things for brothers who are lost and incapable on their own? The things which are easy and natural to you may not be so for another, but that pendulum swings both ways, and you have handicaps of your own. The brain would not perceive sight without the eye, nor the eye conceive what it sees without the brain. That we would appreciate this balance, cast away our pride and self-certainty, and look rather with patience, perseverance, and all of the virtues that comprise of Godly love, for we ourselves are only the product of sheer and utter grace.

A controversial perspective on "kissing"

Forenote :: This journal is directed at Christians. Non-believers may read if they like and glean wisdom if they find it; I would only suggest that without such a Christian perspective, all I have to say here can only be recieved in vain.

This article showed up in my "updates" feed on Facebook, recently: [link]

I both share many views with Mohler, and I differ with him in a few areas. On this, however, I find him spot-on. I do not know what the rest of you think about intimacy in non-marital relationships, even normal "kissing," but I wanted to share my own thoughts and experience on the matter.

I've been forgiven for much. The last relationship I had before I was saved, (though I was an unconverted "professing Christian" before that,) failed miserably on many fronts, including going *too* far. I did come away not only redeemed by God, and that is most important, but also wiser to many of the subtleties behind lust, both in heart and living flesh. Without any inspiration from any article (though I deeply appreciate Mohler's input, reading it,) I decided for myself never to kiss again until I'm at an altar. Two years later, I am in my first relationship since I've been saved, and I'm following through with that commitment. In both thought and action, it proves to create an amazing boundary that keeps minds more focused on the glory of God and less on physical intimacy.

Here's a thought. By simple observation, I've noticed that a lot of couples who kiss don't just kiss once. They like to bombard each other with kisses. Seems cute, maybe a little annoying to those of us who aren't lace and floral; regardless, it doesn't *seem* at all wrong.

The problem is in the doors that it opens. I recall doing as much in my last relationship. A dozen pecks on the lip can only remain pecks for so long before lips -- and tongues -- draw closer. An intimate kiss like that is as good as foreplay; if you disagree, then admit that it most certainly leads to it. As innocent as kissing seems, it is the marijuana of lust. Everyone claims it's no big deal, but it's led too many people to go that "one step further" -- over and over again.

And we all tell ourselves we'll "resist that next step" -- but it's not nearly as easy as we think. This isn't a matter I think anyone ought to trust their flesh on, because even if by some miracle we *are* capable of not being tempted, what are the chances that our partner has that same ability?

So it is better not to even take that road unless we know for sure that you will be married someone -- and trust me when I say that you can only know this for sure when you've both said "I do." Just as it grieves a Christian, a part of the Bride of Christ, when he remembers his pre-conversion idolatries and other sins, it grieves the hearts of those in love when they remember what they've shared in past relationships that were never destined to last. Though committed in ignorance and weakness, it nevertheless guilts our mind with a sense of unfaithfulness. Even an "innocent" kiss.

Normally, I have a general rule of thumb about acceptable intimacy and it is this -- if you would cringe to see a man do something with his daughter, don't do it with a person you're not married to. For instance, it would not be off putting, I think, to see a father put his arm around his daughter, or to hug her; this body language communicates a sort of protectiveness which I'm not opposed to at all in non-marital relationships. Obviously, it is not a perfect rule and it fails on this particular matter: I would neither cringe to see a father kiss his daughter on the lips, and yet here I am cautioning unmarried couples not to do it. It is because there is a *difference.* Because whereas some things communicate protectiveness and bonding, no matter the relationship, a kiss communicates something vastly different between happening between family and between a couple (at least in American culture.) Between family, a kiss is sign of deep familial love; between a couple, it is impossible to remove a romantic connotation.

This is never a popular topic, mainly because those who are in relationships already and enjoy kissing have no desire to stop; I always catch fire from these particular folks when I talk about this. Yet I stand where I do. I've got to. In the end -- and we've all heard this before -- I think it comes down to one important thing to remember. It is not and was never about "how close" the Christian couple can get, but how much they can honour God in thought, action and appearance.

A Little Bit of Whine

Just a quick, personal update.

Oh goodness. I hate to fall back on a cliche, but you know how it's said "You don't know what you've got until it's gone?" There is too much truth in that.

A couple weeks ago, I posted to let you guys know what was going on with me personally, what could be prayed for, and soforth. Basically, I was living in Wisconsin and because I could not find employment (nor had a place to stay or food to eat that I could pay for,) I've had to come back home to my family in Pittsburgh for awhile.

As you might have guessed, the flight was quick and safe. (Though I have some bitter opinions about Philly airport, now.) You know, I never thought I'd say it, but I'm getting tired of flying. I remember the first time I flew, it was fantastic and unforgettable. But now, I've done it so many times ...

On one hand, I left winter and came into spring. Honestly, it was still very cold in Wisconsin, and it's been quite warm here since I've gotten here. (It's only snowed once!) AND ... That's about the extent of the good side of things. Heh.

I don't know. It's just that the minute I got back here, I knew I did not want to be here. From getting into the truck with my father, who was very quick to "lay down the rules" (Specifically that I couldn't complain about his smoking inside, or ask him for help finding a job,) to having lived under such a circumstance for three weeks now ... Honestly, I am not sure what to do. There have been number of trying situations already --

For one thing, there is a potential job at a call center I used to work at, and I need to apply by Wednesday. I see a very good chance of getting the job as it seems to be in cable customer service. I worked for a satellite company in the past and I have over a year's worth of experience in the entertainment/customer service area. I have just the experience they are looking for, in fact.

... But I can't get there. My uncle and a friend both have offered to help me get to the interview, and that is well, but as for actually getting to the job each day? I have no idea whatsoever. I am so afraid of being hired and then not being able to show up for work. But I desparately need this job if I am going to be able to afford at all to return to WI. ...On the upside of things, I may be seeing a break in my tax return. I'm suddenly glad that I paid as much as I did in taxes, last year. But in and of itself, it won't be enough. I do need this work, and would be extremely fortunate to get it in my present circumstance.

There is another rather pressing issue, and it is at the other half of what my father told me. I am going to mention it because I would like some feedback: It is the smoking. I'm having a severe reaction to it, and yet I've already agreed not to say anything. But for the past several days now, I have had a pressing sinus migraine. My ears feel dry, my eyes burn constantly, and I have almost no energy at all. It's slowly driving me bed-ridden and it's putting me on the edge. At times, I feel as though I am going to vomit. I am on the second story of the house and my father is in the basement, but it travels up through the heating ducts or something. I am not sure how, but I do not fail to smell it. Has anybody experienced this, and how did you remedy it? I do not have medical coverage so I can't see a doctor.

Oh! And to make the offenses to my senses worse, those stink-bugs that smell like rotten almonds are back. Ugh. I've taken three of them in my room, already. They... buzz in your ears and stink on your clothing and... blech! I can't take it. I'm about convinced that they're crawling into my head and giving me bizarre nightmares. Like, about giving birth to animals and such...lol. (Don't ask.)

Perhaps the greatest burden is the church one. You see, I haven't actually been to a church since I've been back. I don't know who to go to that I might get to one; nor am I confident in most churches I "could" go to. It's easy to see why this would pull me down. It is true in a sense that I can have my fellowship with God through scripture and prayer on my own, and true in a sense that I still have access to the sermons that are being preached in my church back in Milwaukee, but there is still something missing when I cannot join together with the assembly on the Lord's day. Pray that God will not have me in this painful position for too long, as I know He desires His people to meet together.

In general, I do not hope to stay here any longer than I have to. That being, a wedding which I am in for a friend this summer. (Let me add that this girl and her fiance are two very good friends of mine, and having them here does soften the blow of everything else.) If I went back too early, I'd be making yet another trip here and back, and that's just not realistic for someone who is presently broke.

... On the other hand, I'm not precisely sure where I will go or what I will do to go back to Milwaukee. It has all yet to be made clear. It is as clear that my heart is not here, however. I am badly missing the time I long to spend with my church (who are like family to me,) and my boyfriend, and the friends I left in Milwaukee. But I know that it will allow me to appreciate these things more when I am able to return, God willing. You really never do know what you've got until you've had to leave it behind for a time, do you?

So yeah. That's my "whiney" journal, just to assure you all that I'm still human and have issues of my own. I say most of this simply to vent and also to ask for your prayers and comfort in these things. It is just good to get them out. I am aware that compared to many situations, I am rather blessed to have what I do. But rest assured, I am and will continue to rely on God for all I can, as we all ought to be. Pray that His Spirit endure with me, even as I become frusterated, and that He drive me to strength, and diligence, and wisdom in the choices I make. Without Him, I would be a sinful wretch, but He is faithful to bring about His will in His people for the sake of His glory, and I praise Him for it.

Something worth cheering for?

Growing up in Pittsburgh, I could seldom remember a Sunday in the winter months where football wasn't on the living room television. The house would be filled with cheers, laughter, and words that I wouldn't properly know the meaning to until I became much older. (You know, like 5.)

Mind you, we're talking Pittsburgh. Every Pittsburgh native knows that it is absolutely essential to one's survival that he be a Steelers' fan here. It does not matter whether you are a football junky or whether you do not even know the first thing about the game. If you valued your image at all, you would be cheering for the Black and Gold when that TV came on. You just wouldn't be caught dead toting any other colour.

Of course, there were certain advantages to actually, you know, knowing something about the game. At 5 and 6 and 7, I really can't say I did. I just cheered when everyone else did.

I suppose the problem came when I got just a little too excited. I'd start cheering or booing at random -- every time something even remotely exciting happened. I'd say inane things. I think I cried the year the Steelers lost to the Cowboys in the superbowl. Because of my ignorance of the game, I could do nothing but be caught up in the emotion of it, and I'm pretty sure that if I knew shame at that age I would have come into a lot of it. Truth be told, I had no idea what I was yelling about at all. I just wanted to "win," whatever that meant.

... It is a sad thing when football culture and the visible church culture begin to find too many things alike. I'm not talking about the fact that both meet together on Sunday. (Though you can probably guess the reason this particular "Steelers' fan" will no longer watch Sunday night football.) Rather, I am referring to this increasing abundance of excitement spawned out of ignorance.

Though I have grown somewhat quiet around deviantART and the rest of the internet these past few months, I've been lurking. I've followed friends and acquaintances and many of the professing Christians I have known, and I have encountered something rather horrific. There is seldom any discernment between truth and trash.

I delight to see that where the gospel is preached, spoken out as it ought to be, there are those who can go and testify and rejoice in the message of of salvation that we have known. Left at that, I would say that these are very keen-minded Christians to delight in the gospel. Yet I then turn around to find things which are bordering blasphemous, and though well meaning as Christian artwork and literature, it is dry of any biblical relevance. (For instance, how many of you knew that Christ died on the cross for hedgehogs? I didn't.) It is bad enough that people ignorantly make such art in the first place, putting aesthetics and personal preference above doctrine and discernment. But what actually shocks me are the ones who praise and support it! They are the many folks who are wise to the gospel, and instead of kindly reproving their brothers, they cheer on blind blasphemy and neglect to see for themselves that God isn't in it!

I am using examples that perhaps some of you can relate with, but this is not the root of the issue. It is that familliar, youth-group "anything goes" mentality that, though I've only been saved for a couple of years, I suspect has been around for several, now.

The problem is this. We have this "Jesus-fish sticker of approval" mentality. Meaning, if something seems to promote Jesus, we dive in head-first to support it. We cast out all discernment for what is scriptural, what is holy ("set apart"), what is TRUTH, and we base our judgment instead on the "emotion" that has gone into the piece. It is as though we were rather following some new-age religion in which "Jesus" is made idol, but WHO He is and what He has done is completely forgotten!

Suddenly, "Jesus bobble-head" becomes a funny novelty. And since "God didn't specifically forbid that in the Bible!" there is "nothing wrong with it."

What draws tears from my eyes is the source of it. It is the teachers. It is those leaders who run the most popular churches, who could with their time be preaching Christ and Him crucified, speaking of the atonement, of the wrath that was satisifed, of we, if we are in Him WILL be sanctified ... (It suddenly occurs to me that a good sermon has a very good chance of rhyming. Hm.) But instead, they focus their time organising sports events and fun-n-games filled youth retreats and all of the unneccessary trash that was never in the Bible in the first place. I mean, just today, a friend of mine told me that as a kid, her sunday school's way of interpretting "our daily bread" in the Lord's Prayer was to glue two bobbly eyes onto a picture of bread. And we find this cute? What wasted opportunity to speak of the need for God's word!

... And I fear that I will have no hair left to pull out if I see one more children's book on "Noah's ark" that completely neglects the whole wrath-of-God part. Some may think I'm being too harsh on the things regarding children, but really just think for a moment here! THIS is what is being taught in so many buildings and amidst so many gatherings which call themselves churches! And unfortunately, though many of you might go to such a church as this, you will pretend I am speaking of some other extreme and your church patriotism will make you blind to the fact that I am talking about you.

And this is why there are those like myself who wander for months and years after we know God, seeking to be fed, starving for God's word, and our hearts are still stunned the first time we hear someone actually preach the gospel from a pulpit. For it is in that moment that those who are fortunate suddenly saw the dryness behind all of those other things which have been given Christian face but were puffed up like leavened bread, with pride and hot air and nothing else. Our eyes were opened to the emptiness to the happy-go-lucky message of Joel Osteen and the prosperity lie of TBN's cast, and the gospel-void 40-day-good-works programs promoted by Warren, because we finally see what the pulpit should have been for. That not just any message which quotes a bit of scripture is truly of God, because even Satan quoted scripture ...

That eyes would be opened! How can a people praise both truth and lie and fail to see the stark contrast between them? Unless it is because we are ignorant, because we have joined the church because it is the "thing to do," and have fallen in love with a culture and an emotion -- wanting simply a team to cheer for, something to be a part of, and we have no problem making Christ no different than a rockstar idol -- instead of the one and true, holy, righteous God. Will we be shown so ignorant and void of truth in the end? That it were never in us in the first place?

... Oh, pray that is not the case.

I would warn every one of you, before you even consider responding to this with every approval and passionate praise -- is it simply because I have posted a "passionate, Christianity-themed message"? ... Or is it because of truth? But I confess that even I have said some foolish things in the past that my bretheren (though I love you dearly) have blindly applauded. It is because there is plenty of Christian "passion" around the web, but hardly enough Biblical truth.

I confess that I cannot open the eyes of the blind and undiscerning, but how I dearly hope that God will.

"If the Lord wills..."

Last Saturday afternoon, I booked my flight for Pittsburgh.

Ugh. Hardest decision to make! I don't think it's quite settled in, yet. It's like deciding to put to sleep your favourite pet that same day you were just taking it to the vet for a check up. You know you must, you know it will be hard, and yet the shock will hit you the hardest later, and you're not very eagerly awaiting that moment.

I'm flying out very early tomorrow morning. Still have most everything to pack (which isn't a lot.) Won't be able to bring most anything with me, but graciously there are some here who can for a little while store the things that I don't need to bring immediately. As a side-note for anyone flying, most airlines charge for even your first checked luggage, now. It's usually around $15 for a bag under 45 lbs.

The prayer and support of those around me is so appreciated and welcomed. While I do not see myself staying in Pittsburgh any later than say ... mid-July, it is still the most difficult thing to do for multiple reasons. First and foremost, I have mentioned that that my church is my life. When you live in a country which is the proverbial, theological desert -- dry of so much good doctrine -- it seems foolish to walk along anything but the river, because it is your only source of food and water. Yet what can you do when you suddenly come to the edge of a valley too high to climb, and you have to walk around it for awhile not knowing when it will carve into the river again? I can only trust God, Whom I know would have me fed on the preaching of His word.

I admit that it is not the only thing making this hard on me. The others are perhaps a bit too personal to mention, but it is just as difficult to leave behind Milwaukee as it is to enter back into Pittsburgh. In all of it, I know that I must keep my heart focused on God, my fellowship with His people, my mind on the sound doctrine of His word, and my desire with holy living, and I must compromise none of this for my own desires. I must also, according to scripture, be diligent in all that I do. After all, what is a Puritan without that esteemed "Puritan Work Ethic"? Be it not simply a denominational trait, but a biblical one. By God's direction, King Solomon and the apostle Paul alike esteemed us to never become lazy but to work hard for everything which we have. I ought to walk accordingly, then.

Relatively short flight. The entire thing shouldn't take more than four hours, three of them in the air (I get to connect in Philly instead of Atlanta, this time!) I arrive in Pittsburgh in the very early afternoon, which is nice. I suspect I'll be a bit dazed and depressed for awhile, and then I'll get over it and be able to look again to a bright hope of returning here. Consider it an extended vacation, of sorts? One with a full-time job, I hope. And as always, I say all of this God-willingly, for scripture is quite direct: "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For(V) you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.'" ... In all of it, I am not boasting in arrogance, but hoping with humility. It is for God that I do it all, and so God will do with me as He desires.