25.8.09

A Most Dire Truth

Somehow, some men do not so much as flinch with the agnostics and atheists at the concept that we have a most holy God. Nor do they flinch with the Pelagians at the idea that all men are born in sin. You speak to them of things such as the doctrine of election or monergistic regeneration and all of the other things that some mainstream evangelicals would tell us are "too offensive," "wrong" and to just "leave out," and yet many of these folks are not even phased by those "difficult" truths! How often am I told, "don't focus on sin, focus on grace" or "That doctrine's not important, you'll just confuse people" -- yet surprisingly, these things aren't even the problem! ... So that we are clear, for many folks, none of these things are the real issue.

It is, yet, when you proclaim that most poignant gospel truth, that Christ is Lord, that these people are suddenly and remarkably offended! Somehow they can hear and accept many other hard words that the most studied and scholarly Christians debate, but of that most dire thing that men must believe in if they are to be justified before a just and holy, gracious God ... That Christ is God, born in flesh and crucified for the sins of men, taking the cup of wrath he did not deserve so that those who would believe would be seen as righteous in the eyes of God! ... Of that dire truth, they are blind.

Case in point. Here is a conversation I had with a stranger on Windows Live Messenger this past Sunday and Monday afternoon. Pay close attention. I say many things that would offend even many of you, but take note on what I finally say that causes Tony to shut me out.

(2:27 PM) Heather: I'd just like to know how you found me
(2:34 PM) tony: im not sure how
(2:34 PM) tony: im in calgary
(2:34 PM) tony: canada
(2:35 PM) Heather: I've been to Canada before but never Calgary. Unless you were at Southern Alberta Bible camp or have friends in Lethbridge I don't think i know you personally?
(2:37 PM) tony: lethbridge is 2 hours away
(2:38 PM) Heather: yeah, i know
(2:41 PM) Heather: \msn zelda group. deviantart. um..
(2:41 PM) Heather: i live in waukesha, wisconsin. originally from pittsburgh pa. apart from that
(2:41 PM) Heather: i dont know
(3:07 PM) tony: ok
(3:08 PM) tony: well im a sub
(3:08 PM) Heather: tuna or italian?
(3:09 PM) tony: i thought i knew you from collarme.com
(3:09 PM) tony: tuna?
(3:09 PM) tony: what
(3:09 PM) Heather: no, you don't know me from "collarme.com"
(3:09 PM) tony: ok
(3:09 PM) Heather: I thought maybe I knew you from a church.
(3:10 PM) tony: no Ma'am
(3:10 PM) Heather: Well. On that note, I am only a slave of Christ.
(3:11 PM) tony: i think thats the way it suppose to be
(3:11 PM) tony: am i right?
(3:12 PM) Heather: It ought to.
(3:12 PM) Heather: But what ought to be and what is can be different matters.
(3:12 PM) tony: i don't know how i got my self involved i this
(3:12 PM) tony: in*
(3:13 PM) Heather: You mean, a submissive lifestyle seeking a sort of sexual gratification?
(3:13 PM) tony: i just want to be a sub for a Mistresss
(3:13 PM) Heather is now Offline
(3:14 PM) Heather is now Online
(3:14 PM) Heather: Sorry, lost connection.
(3:14 PM) tony: welcome back
(3:14 PM) Heather: Well. I can't say I don't understand. But I can tell you why.
(3:15 PM) tony: ok
(3:15 PM) tony: about what
(3:15 PM) Heather: You say you don't know why you got yourself involved in it.
(3:15 PM) tony: do you know what im talkin about
(3:15 PM) Heather: Of course.
(3:15 PM) tony: ok tell me
(3:16 PM) Heather: Because mankind as a whole is a fallen race.
(3:16 PM) Heather: And believe me, I know. I am a part of it. I am by no means perfect in thought. I know very well what you are talking about, to be honest.
(3:17 PM) tony: i need to know if you actually knows what im talkin about
(3:17 PM) tony: please
(3:17 PM) Heather: Yes, yes I do
(3:18 PM) Heather: Because I used to engage in that kind of lifestyle on the internet. Albeit submissively myself. So even back then, your appeal would not have, well, appealed to me.
(3:18 PM) tony: you used to be a submissive?
(3:18 PM) Heather: Yes.
(3:18 PM) tony: to a master?
(3:19 PM) Heather: No. Just pursued that kind of gratification wherever I could find it. But listen, that isn't the point.
(3:19 PM) tony: ok
(3:19 PM) Heather: It's something that takes place outside of the confines of marriage. That's what makes it wrong
(3:20 PM) tony: how is that
(3:20 PM) Heather: Well, to even think about a woman lustfully is adultery. Likewise, sex outside of marriage is fornication. The same rule applies for even thinking lustfully outside of marriage.
(3:21 PM) Heather: Christ said these things. To participate in roleplay online seeking that kind of gratification, it is against the law of God.
(3:21 PM) Heather: It bears witness to our disobedience of it. Every one of us.
(3:22 PM) Heather: We may think, well, if everyone is doing it then who can blame us?
(3:22 PM) Heather: But the truth is that each and every one of us will be held accountable for what we have done, and who we are at heart. A selfish and God-hating people.
(3:23 PM) Heather: If God is a just judge, He can't simply overlook these things.
(3:23 PM) tony: you make alot of sense
(3:24 PM) Heather: Do you know that if God is a Holy and perfect God, and an infinite God, there is no end to our offense to Him? There can be no end to His judgment upon us. We deserve His wrath, more than that, His eternal wrath. And as much as each and every one of us is born into a world, born God-hating and selfish, prone to satisfy our flesh and give into worldly behaviour and addictions ... How frightening to face the creator of the world, our own creator, and know that we have turned from Him? To pay the price for what we have done?
(3:25 PM) tony: brb
(3:25 PM) tony: please dont leave
(3:25 PM) Heather: Ok.
(3:26 PM) tony is now Offline
(4:41 PM) tony: hi
(4:41 PM) tony: sorry about yesterday
(4:41 PM) tony: i got so busy
(4:41 PM) Heather: that is fine. Do you remember waht i said to you?
(4:42 PM) tony: i do
(4:43 PM) Heather: Tell me what you understand.
(4:43 PM) tony: lets put that on the side for a moment
(4:43 PM) tony: im trying to leave the lifestyle
(4:44 PM) Heather: You want freedom from sin in your life. But I'm telling you that unless you can understand and believe what I have to say, there is no freedom.
(4:44 PM) Heather: Man lives in bondage to this world.
(4:45 PM) tony: sin in my life
(4:45 PM) tony: ?
(4:45 PM) Heather: The lifestyle you want to leave.
(4:45 PM) tony: is it bad
(4:46 PM) Heather: If you are lusting over any person you are not married to, yes it is
(4:46 PM) tony: ?
(4:47 PM) Heather: thinking sensual thoughts for. You asked me if you knew me from a site. You don't. But if you are engaging in a lifestyle involved in things promoted on that website you are living in sin.
(4:48 PM) tony: i understand
(4:49 PM) tony: for example
(4:49 PM) tony: what if im married to you and i want to be your submissive
(4:49 PM) tony: would that be ok?
(4:49 PM) Heather: if you are married to a woman, yes. but i'm not your example.
(4:49 PM) Heather: I'm in a relationship, for starters.
(4:50 PM) Heather: What you do in the bedroom with your wife is your business. Leave out other people (including pornography) leave out animals. And it's your business what you do.
(4:50 PM) tony: i understand
(4:51 PM) tony: your absolutly right
(4:51 PM) Heather: that means to be literally married, though. Not just pretending in a roleplay that you are married
(4:51 PM) tony: Definitly
(4:51 PM) tony: so are you married or just in a relationship
(4:51 PM) Heather: married.
(4:51 PM) tony: Good
(4:52 PM) Heather: oh, no -- i misread your sentence
(4:52 PM) Heather: im in a relationship. Not married yet.
(4:52 PM) Heather: But you dont engage in that until you are married
(4:52 PM) Heather: not just in a relationship
(4:52 PM) tony: so are you virgin?
(4:52 PM) Heather: No. I have a past, but I'm forgiven.
(4:52 PM) tony: you are forgiven but what you did wasn't right
(4:52 PM) tony: am i right?
(4:53 PM) Heather: Yes -- but I havent explained that to you yet
(4:53 PM) Heather: it's dire that I do
(4:53 PM) tony: Ok
(4:54 PM) Heather: Because I rightly deserve the eternal wrath of God for what I've done. Not just for those major sexual sins. Even for the things we think are small. Even for stealing bubble gum as a child, or disobeying my parents. Or thinking hatefully against another person
(4:54 PM) Heather: Listen.
(4:54 PM) Heather: The sin of man is committed by men. Therefore the penalty must be paid by a man. 2000 years ago, God came to earth in the person of Jesus Christ, born as a man but not departing His identity as God.
(4:55 PM) Heather: And you know what they did to him. You know that He spoke truth that people could not handle. You know he was cruficied on a tree, but the greatest pain Christ endured had nothing to do with the nails in his hands or the whip on his back or the crown on his head.
(4:56 PM) Heather: While Christ, the son of God, was on that cross, he endured for three hours the wrath of His father for all would come to believe in Christ, according to God's ordination before the creation of the world.
(4:57 PM) tony: but your not sure if thats true or not
(4:58 PM) Heather: If you believe these things earnestly, and turn from your sin, then the Holy Spirit has regenerated your heart and has done a work in you. If that is so, then Christ has taken your place and God looks at you with the perfection of Christ rather than the abomination of your own sin, and you will by the Holy Spirit's direction be able to turn from your sins.
(4:58 PM) Heather: I am absolutely convinced.
(4:58 PM) Heather: But unless you are born again you can never believe these things
(4:59 PM) tony: I don't believe that jesus was god
(4:59 PM) Heather: It is absolutely urgent that you believe these things and turn from your sins. And if you do so in truth, then you have an advocate, the Holy Spirit, who is with you in all of this.
(4:59 PM) Heather: But Christ Himself proclaimed that He is the way, the truth, and the life, and that no one can come to the father except through Him.
(5:00 PM) Heather: There are several times throughout the gospels that He claims to be God. If you will believe in Him for salvation you MUST believe that He is Lord
(5:00 PM) Heather: Otherwise you have denied Him and there is no one who can save you.
(5:00 PM) tony: Jesus was just a prophet sent to the world to show them the right from wrong just like any other prophet
(5:01 PM) Heather: I am telling you, only God can pay the price for your sins. Christ died after being punished for the sins of men, and He rose again. If he did not, then there is no salvation, because man cannot earn it
(5:01 PM) Heather: God is just, and does not pardon men without the price of sin being paid, and the penalty of sin is death according to scripture.
(5:01 PM) tony: I can get out of those sins by doin whats right
(5:02 PM) Heather: Only God can pay that price. Unless God endured His own wrath on that cross, no man can be forgiven. We are as a people damned as a whole.
(5:02 PM) Heather: Scripture says that there is none righteous and that our best deeds are like filthy rags.
(5:02 PM) Heather: The literal meaning is "dirty tampons" -- that is what your best works look like in the eyes of God
(5:02 PM) tony: heather, there is only one god
(5:02 PM) Heather: your righteousness is soiled. If you take a leper and cover him in the finest silk cloths, His wounds will still bleed through. You can do nothing to earn God's forgiveness.
(5:03 PM) Heather: Absolutely. But He exists in three persons.
(5:03 PM) tony: jesus can't be god if he's a human like me and you but he had special power that god gave him
(5:03 PM) Heather: The person of God the father. And God the son, and God the Holy Spirit.
(5:03 PM) Heather: if God is perfect, why can't God be born in the flesh?
(5:03 PM) Heather: It is a miracle. But indeed Christ was God and claimed to be God. Unless you call Christ a liar.
(5:03 PM) tony: heather thats what you wanna believe , you need to read carefully the other holy books to actually decide .
(5:04 PM) Heather: Then not only is Christ not a prophet, but He is absolutely evil.
(5:04 PM) tony: im not calling jesus a lier, but he never claimed that he was god
(5:04 PM) Heather: I am telling you, it was not on my own volition that I believed these things but the Spirit of God that drew me. I would have taken my own life had He not stopped me and regenerated my heart through scripture
(5:04 PM) Heather: Christ absolutely claimed to be God.
(5:05 PM) tony: No heather he can't be god
(5:05 PM) tony: he's just a prophet
(5:07 PM) tony: now your putting your self in sin by saying that , what you saying is against god , and god is above , he's undescribable. but we have to worship him and not through anybody to get close to god, you just worship him directly. God the only one who sent us (the people) all the prophets
(5:07 PM) Heather: I am not saying we worship God through Christ. Christ is God.
(5:08 PM) Heather: Initiated a file transfer
(5:08 PM) tony: Jesus is not god
(5:08 PM) Heather: Read John 5.
(5:08 PM) tony: jesus is a prophet
(5:08 PM) Heather: What is your background? Who told you these things?
(5:08 PM) tony: i know these things
(5:08 PM) tony: i've read them
(5:08 PM) Heather: You know these things and yet you cannot even be freed from the bondage of your sin
(5:08 PM) tony: i have a boy that im reading
(5:08 PM) tony: book*
(5:09 PM) tony: and you should get it and read it
(5:09 PM) Heather: You deny Christ is Lord and yet you continue seeking salvation from your sin -- you can't find it anywhere.
(5:09 PM) Heather: Because you deny the only one who can give you freedom
(5:09 PM) Heather: Scripture was written by the hands of prophets inspired completely by the hands of God. there is no error in it
(5:10 PM) tony: Jesus never gave me freedom or you or anybody , Jesus was sent to the people to show them right from wrong. He's a human being like me and you
(5:10 PM) Heather: If you want freedom from your sin, read the Bible. Start with the book of John. If you continue not to believe that Christ is Lord, then I can tell you nothing but to read it until you believe or die. But this is absolutely dire.
(5:11 PM) tony: let me ask you something
(5:11 PM) Heather: Sure
(5:11 PM) tony: whats the purpose of religion
(5:11 PM) Heather: there is far more to this than religion
(5:12 PM) tony: do you have an answer
(5:12 PM) tony: or not
(5:14 PM) Heather: the purpose of man-made religion is to try to escape the dire matter of sin, to try to better the state of human beings, and in all essense only gives an alternate route to practice human selfishness. It attempts to use means of man to reconcile man with God, but only God can make that kind of reconciliation. Now, true and undefiled religion in the eyes of God is to do good works and flee from sin, but only one who has already been reconciled with God is able to do these things, because he has the Holy Spirit to bear good fruit.
(5:14 PM) tony: you see you still don't know
(5:14 PM) tony: the purpose of religion
(5:15 PM) tony: you know we'd all prefet to go to heaven when we die
(5:15 PM) tony: Right
(5:15 PM) tony: ?
(5:15 PM) Heather: I don't know what you have come up with or have read in supressing the truth. But I know fully why men are religious outside the commands of God
(5:15 PM) Heather: God commands we repent and believe on His gospel.
(5:15 PM) Heather: oh, you think we'd all prefer to go to heaven
(5:15 PM) Heather: but no one wants God to be there when we get there.
(5:15 PM) Heather: Because man is born hating God.
(5:16 PM) tony: No
(5:16 PM) Heather: I am telling you, if men knew what Heaven was, they would rather continue on in rebellion to God
(5:16 PM) Heather: it is not a paradise the way selfish man sees paradise. It is a place of eternal revelation and praising of God.
(5:16 PM) tony: heaven is why most people who believe in god belong to their religions , we all hope to god they'll help us get there
(5:17 PM) tony: Everyone agrees that if heaven exists , its reserved for people who deserve it
(5:17 PM) tony: right?
(5:17 PM) Heather: if unbelieving men understood true heaven and hell, hell would still be a terrifying place and yet men would rather go there.
(5:17 PM) Heather: I am telling you that NO ONE deserves heaven.
(5:17 PM) Heather: That, absent from God Himself -- unless God looks at us and sees His own righteousness, we CANNOT have eternal fellowship with him
(5:18 PM) Heather: that is why the man who died on the cross also had to be God. Or there is no redemption for man.
(5:18 PM) Heather: If he was not a man, there is no redemption for man, because a man had to pay the penalty.
(5:18 PM) Heather: But it was a penalty only God could pay.
(5:18 PM) Heather: Christ was completely man, completely God.
(5:19 PM) tony: God couldn't be a human
(5:19 PM) Heather: He is God
(5:19 PM) Heather: he is omnipotent -- all powerful
(5:20 PM) Heather: God can be, within His own defined limitations, be whatever He desires
(5:20 PM) tony: but jesus is not god
(5:21 PM) Heather: Again, unless you believe that Christ is God, you cannot be reconciled with God.
(5:21 PM) tony: Jesus is a prophet to teach you about god
(5:21 PM) Heather: If Christ is a prophet to teach me about God, then he has accomplished nothing more than tha prophets that came before him. Further, He is a liar and not a prophet of God because according to the testimony of scripture, he claimed to be God.
(5:22 PM) tony: and who was the last prophet do you know?
(5:22 PM) Heather: No testimony outside of the Bible testifies of the true Christ who walked the earth. No book written by man can do that. But scripture, while being penned by the hands of man was inspired by the mind of God, is complete, inerrant and infallible and contains the full message of the gospel oas God would reveal it.
(5:23 PM) Heather: John the Baptist, before Christ. There were also prophesies given through some of Christ's apostles, like John. But never since then.
(5:24 PM) Heather: we no longer need prophets because Christ fulfilled the role of prophet. But He also fulfilled the role of High Priest, making atonement for us (unlike the priests of the Jews who had to continue making sacrifices, Christ made only one, and that was the cross.) Christ is also King. Lord of His people, yes, even God.
(5:24 PM) Heather: Again you tell me you seek freedom from sin
(5:24 PM) Heather: Yet you insist that you are right about what you believe.
(5:24 PM) Heather: If you know the truth, then why hasn't the truth set you free?
(5:24 PM) tony: sorry heather you need to be more convincing about that. i can give you facts that jesus is not good and and there was a last prophet that god sent to the people but your not informative about that.
(5:24 PM) Heather: Unless you believe that Christ is Truth, you cannot be free.
(5:25 PM) Heather: It is not I that will convince you.
(5:25 PM) Heather: Unless you are given a new heart, you cannot believe the things I am telling you or the things scripture has said
(5:25 PM) tony: you haven't gave me a correct answer
(5:25 PM) tony: who was the last prophet?
(5:26 PM) Heather: You do not believe in the answers I have given you, but again, you cannot even find freedom in your own beliefs.
(5:26 PM) Heather: You can continue searching for truth and believing in what you do, but you are still a slave to sin. You have made that clear to me. You have asked me for answers, but when I've given you an answer, you find yourself unable to believe.
(5:27 PM) Heather: You would rather return to your sin as a dog returns to his vomit than hear the truth that I am giving you. You will try to speak and debate theology with me, but you won't even open your eyes to the fact that what you believe has accomplished nothing in your heart and mind. You remain a slave to your own sin.
(5:28 PM) tony is now Offline

24.7.09

Procrastination Journal

So, not that I have time to be passing -- I supposedly will be leaving in two hours (though I'm beginning to wonder whether that will happen, since my father only got finished playing runescape 3 hours ago and is suddenly complaining that the previously agreed time is "too early.")

I am going back to Wisconsin this morning. When I get there greatly depends on when I leave and what happens in between.

I'm going through the normal anxieties. Keep remembering things to pack. Keep wondering what else I'm forgetting. Delayed and unprecidented thoughts of "Oh my goodness, I'm actually leaving home for real-for good-this time" ...

At some point, it hits you. You know? "What on earth am I doing?"

I mean, don't get me wrong. it is clear that there's really nothing left for me here. When I came back here, I felt sick. I didn't want to be here. For the past three months I've been looking forward to this. It's finally here. But as usual, any potential excitement is trumped by the normal chemical confusion.

The last time I rode there by vehicle was "way back" when ~servantofChrist18 and I went to New Tribes Bible Institute. I don't own that car, anymore. I don't go to that school anymore. It's hard to think that it was just last year. I think I was less anxious then because it felt less permanant, I took only what I needed and, face it, I had someone to talk to, to distract me from any potential anxiety. This time, I'm riding out with the source of so much of my anxiety. Heh.

But that aside ... it's this whole moving thing. It almost feels spontanious; I'm doing it because three months ago I saw no other desirable path, and I still see no other desirable path, and so off I go.

It just feels incredibly, strange. Because, so often changes like this in our lives are sudden; things takes unexpected turns and life goes great leaps and all kinds of other things happen that we don't plan, so we barely have the time to let it hit us. We just react accordingly and go with it. You know, like going to High School, or falling in love...

... But when you plan a major life change, it's different. You have some level of control (supposedly,) and so you suddenly become a lot more fearful and anxious that you may do the wrong thing, or have the wrong timing, and ... I wonder if this is similar to what men think when faced with the obstacle of "engagement"? lol.

And no. I'm not afraid that I'm doing the wrong thing. Obedience to God, loving Him and keeping His commandments is how to do the "right thing"; where we go in life or what we do as we are obeying Him is not going to put us "in" or "out" of God's will; His hand is in it from the beginning.

It's all really emotional and irrelevant. But journals are for getting it out, right? :)

Order of business...
- Get back to Wisconsin (Friday afternoon/evening?)
- Saturday, family staying, show them around, etc.
- Sunday, church (one of the main reasons I am going back!)
- August 1 - move in date. (I'm going to be staying somewhere else in the area until then.)
... And then we'll see. Hopefully I will land a job quickly, something to pay the rent. Figure out the bus system. Get my life back in order. Not neccessarily in that order, but then again, this is me we're talking about ...

And, yeah.

That's enough procrastinating, for now. I still have some scattered items to gather. Like my thoughts and marbles and mind in general... and whatnot. ;)

Heather