Love Vs. Idolatry

Fortunately, it seems that it is only those Christians youngest in faith who make the mistake of looking at the first commandment as something that forbids "only" the literal worship of another God or the second the literal worship of a statue. Most Christians understand that it goes beyond this. It is usually taught in our congregations and understood very early on that idolatry takes a multitude of forms, that anything that takes more of our focus than God in life can become an idol. I do hope that most folks have already realized this and that I have not taught you anything new, here.

It is easy to profess obedience to this -- we monitor our hobbies, our collections, our work and spending habits and soforth to see to it that they are not taking up more than what is right and holy. It does seem that we recognize some of these things more in our thoughts than in our actions, but nevertheless, we know that we must not be too captivated by any worldly thing that it take the place of God in our life.

Yet I am afraid that in our best efforts, we have still erred in one area that I think, is perhaps the easiest in which to become idolatrous: other people. I think it is because there is a rather fine line. We know it is wrong to put so much time into things, but then we consider that we are commanded to "love thy neighbour," and it seems impossible to give too much of ourselves to another person. And, in part, I would agree. Our love must be unconditional. I would go so far as to say that not only ought every person, but the elders of a flock themselves, ought to put their family before the matters of the church. It is safe to say that much of this time ought to be spent in reverence to God, and that isn't to limit out any kind of recreation, but all in all, all of these things are good. It is not even beyond good sense to do so much as to give our life for another. How, then, can we possibly err?

The answer is simple: who are we labouring to glorify and lift up in it all? And forgive the cliche, but, where is our heart in it?

I will approach this from the perspective of relationships because of my experience. I of anyone know how easy it is to go to church, to engage in the worship, to speak for and to profess to live by the name of God, and all along be more concerned about another mere human being who is, at the core, as depraved and sinful and needing of grace as I am. The Apostle Paul spoke a certain, profound truth during the present tribulation of the times when he wrote to the Corinthians:

"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." (1 Corinthians 7:32-34 ESV)

Paul lived in an age thick with persecution evident by his own afflictions. In such an age, it would have been difficult for fathers to be both fathers and missionaries to a world that not only hated Christ and hated Christians, but was hungry to see the death of both. This was piled on their own spiritual battles, when few still had the instruction of the completed cannon of God's word and many false teachers were striving to lead the sheep of God astray.

Perhaps our trials and tribulations pale in comparison to that. Nevertheless, it is true that those who are single have opportunities that those who are married do not. It is all too easy, we see, to be so caught in worldly affairs that we are not given to the affairs to God. And I do not suggest that it is a worldly affair to please one's spouse because again, there is a deep parallel between this and Christ's love for His church which God is showing us! It still remains true that one who is not prepared and discernful can easily be caught up into idolatry even with one whom they dearly love.

"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple. Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple..." (Luke 14:26-27 ESV)

I love this one, because it's been used as ammunition against me more than a few times. Particularily, some vocal Biblical skeptics like to go, "See? Jesus is telling you to hate your family, but elsewhere he says to love your neighbour as yourself! The bible contradicts itself!" ... But that isn't it at all. Take the last verse, which might not seem applicable here, but I want you to see another passage that parallels this. You will find that it shines a lot of light and context as to what Christ is actually saying:

"Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I have not come to bring peace, but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law. And a person’s enemies will be those of his own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me, and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And whoever does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me." (Matthew 10:34-38 ESV)

We are taught to love our neighbour as ourself but to love God with all of our heart, mind, soul and strength. There is a significant difference. Compared to the intensity of our love of God, our love for anyone or anything else, including ourself, ought to seem like utter hatred. I would vouch, even, that unless we truly love God, we cannot know how to truly love anyone else, because God is love, as the scriptures say. There is no true love outside of the love that is in God.

Now remember that I said we do these things so often in our head, but we fail to recognise them in our own actions?

Here is my observation, as I have watched many a Christian couple within churches and all sorts of other settings. They have made that mistake which ought to have been so much easier in Paul's day than it is in ours. Because while we are not dealing with half the tribulation Paul did, we still have those who seem too busy and unable to devote time to both their God and their "betrothed." It is not a difficult observation; for you need only to pay attention to who they write about, speak about, and if you could, think about the most. I do not count myself guiltless in this, but I would suggest that if there is a single spiritual issue which makes it easy to fall into temptation, it is when we begin caring more about a significant other than we so much as think about our own God. And I know this issue can go beyond romantic relationships, too, but I must stick with my example.

Take for example the Song of Solomon. This book serves a couple very intriguing purposes, both in its definition of God's gift of marriage and in a much more spiritual connotation, the deep love between Christ and the church. If you have followed along with some of scripture's greatest parallels, you will find this. The purpose of marriage glorifies God ultimately because it is a reflection of Christ's relationship and utter devotion to His bride, the church. Indeed -- He gave his life for her. She was cut from the world that she might have eternal fellowship with Him. That is the very definition of unconditional love, and it is why I say we can scarcely know how to love without knowing the One who loved us so much.

Considering that, does it not blow your mind to see that all worldly love pales in comparison to the love the Father has for His people? How cheap does every worldly love story become in light of that gracious work He did for us? I am almost suspicious that we would not shed another tear at a romantic film again if we remembered the gospel every time and remembered how much greater love can be!

More profound is this: The love of Christ for His bride was absolutely, completely and utterly undeserved. Nothing sickens me more than to see those mugs that say "#1 Dad!" I fear that such a person to create or to give such a cup has never known the Father in Heaven. Likewise, how often people pawn and say of their friends and their lovers, "you are perfect, you are the best!" I find this not only delusional and absolutely false as we consider the true nature of fallen man, I find it also depraved of the most core essential of true, unconditional love -- it is made on behalf of one who does not meet the conditions! Some have deemed it unfair that scripture should call for people to remain married unless there is infidelity. Our culture has placed such an emphasis today on the personal compatibility, that how dare the Good Book call for anyone who finds themselves "incompatible" to remain together? ... But I would ask you, were we compatible with God, that we now have fellowship with Him as the Bride of Christ?

Absolutely not. That is why Christ had to die, that we might be reconciled with Him and able to know Him! If we truly love one another, however, it will not be because we find one trait or another about a person "pleasing" or "perfect" -- it will come because in the face of imperfection and even outright frusteration, we draw strength from God to love unconditionally as Christ loves the church, and also that wives submit respectfully as the bride to Christ. Note that I am not suggesting we be unequally yoked -- for it is also most essential to a relationship that despite all flaw (which is humanly inevitable,) both have the Spirit of God and exalt Him as they ought.

In all sense, we should speak well, lovingly and respectfully of the people in our life. And yet shame on us to ever seek to glorify anyone or any attribute more than God Himself, in whose glorious face all human attributes turn to dust and all people are as good as used tampons, to put it in the analogy of scripture. If we should ever boast in ourselves or in another, be it not anything more than this -- how glorious that God should save such a wretch and grant that Holy Spirit, so undeserved, unto a life of holiness and sanctification in Christ our Lord!

I could not think of a more beautiful compliment for my brothers and sisters than that.

Just... Be a better you?

Let me start with a point of clarification.

This is a journal, not a pulpit. I am a young woman, not a preacher. These words are my own thoughts, not that esteemed and inspired scripture, though I hope I am at least influenced by that scripture in the things I say. I am fallible and ought always to be tested in light of scripture. Nevertheless, I am not giving a sermon, and some of the things I say, being personal opinion, I do not think would even belong in a sermon (though I'm sure there are such careless sermons.) That said, I write, and continue to write, that I may get my thoughts out for consideration and for edification, both for those who read these things and for myself as well, through the responses to these things. As is often the case, I am speaking to my brothers and sisters in Christ -- fellow Christians -- and in this particular case, it is directed at our own dealings with the body -- other Christians. I do think that some of you will enjoy this journal because it seems to be a far less theological or even controversial issue.

I have been thinking a lot, this morning, about something which has been pushed onto me a lot as I get older -- namely, the concept of self-sufficiency. It seems almost contradictory, because at least in American culture, so many children are spoiled, pampered, given an unrealistic perspective on life through a highly institutionalised system of education, and then, usually between the ages of 18 and 20-something, are thrown into the mass of confusion we call the real world and told to figure things out and fend for themselves. This is handled in a variety of ways, often through a few years of expensive college courses that one later discovers he or she never really wanted in the first place, or through jobs ranging from part to full time, monthly rent bills, and a sea of debt often brought by youthful wrecklessness.

Nevertheless, this is the aspiration we're given. It even becomes a part of that "American dream" -- get a good job, have a perfect family with vehicles and cell phones for everyone and a white picket fence with a dog named Spot. All because, you know, YOU made it. You did it. All your own, earned every penny, worked hard, and...

Gah...

I want to be very careful in what I say here, now. Scripture speaks highly of work ethic and I will not at all downplay the need for people in every situation to pull their weight and contribute as much as they are given. The problem, I think, is that we have replaced the true idea of diligence with something that has been vastly inspired by our mixed up, modern culture. Women are being expected to work jobs that were never meant for women to do. Young people are expected to learn through experience rather than from the experienced. People are encouraged to do things which will give them inevitable debt, that they might hope to find a job to eventually pay it, which in my eyes is no different than gambling. (For who can say for sure what tomorrow will bring?)

All of this is the spawn of the "DIY" society. "Be all you can be," and "you" can make a difference, and honestly, it reeks of humanism because the mentality is absolutely depraved of the doctrine of depravity! How easily we forget that we cannot, and thus we must rely on God and upon our fellow believers, which being a body (Christ's beloved bride) must work together and help one another to accomplish her purpose.

My thoughts --

If glory was in self-sufficiency, we would not have tongues to communicate our needs or our assistance to others.

Nor would have God, seeing that it was not good for man to be alone, created woman as a helpmate -- more likely, we would have all been genderless, and our children the fruit of asexual reproduction.

Nor would God create us so uniquely -- some more capable in some areas than others, that we might in our deficiencies see our reliance on each other, and in our strengths be able to serve one another, and in others' weakness love them with patience that comes from Spirit He has granted to His sheep. (Love is patient, kind ...) None of this would be so, but rather, we would all be born with the same capabilities, the same environment, absolutely parallel everything...

Strangely enough, it is as though some believe this last suggestion were so. Greater and greater is the pressure to be what we are not; suddenly we are expected to be simultaneously mathematical, and artistic, and deductive, and economic ...

Here is a personal example, and somewhat the inspiration behind this journal ::

I will confess a certain frustration. I am artistic, and a quick learner, and incredibly efficient at the things I do learn. I can be kind, persuasive, comforting, and many other things which are handy in social (or customer service) type situations. I think of things that few others would -- the sort of "that's so crazy it just might work!" type of things. Yet for some reason, I am also incredibly chaotic. I'm emotional, I am disorganised, forgetful, I am wordy to the point of driving some people mad. I'm told I don't have all my ducks in a row, and the only thing I can think is that I need to find a farmer's market, buy 10 ducks, shoot them all in the head and line their bodies up.

One example and tendancy of mine is to create a piece of art which is pleasing to the eye -- until that eye falls on the desk area where it was made, upon all the fallen paint and spilled water and scattered brushes. Call it "artistic afterbirth" or call it what you will, when I am painting, I cannot cause myself to be concerned with both the product and the paint. I would like to, but the mental mechanic I need just isn't there. The "ducks aren't in a row." But unless you shoot them all (as is the only thing I can possibly think of, right now,) you just can't line up living ducks. They'll line up behind their mother, and that's the only one who can put her ducks in a row, so to speak. I suspect that likewise, the only one who can line up my own ducks is not myself, but my own Creator and Sustainer ... And just as it is with every insufficiency, be it mental, or physical, or chemical, or whatever it may be, the Lord heals only as He sees fit in His will to heal. And simply put, that isn't always so ...

That's my quip. And while many have suggested that this is a flaw, and that I need to be more self-sufficient and just "do" things without thinking about them (think about that!) -- I cannot help but wonder which thing is truly expected of a human being. Is it really that a person is meant to overcome an inability and accomplish that which he is inept to do? ... Or is it more likely that those around him ought to cast off criticism and social comparisons and take up a heart of servitude, bring that person along, and teach and instruct him with enduring love and patience? I think that if we chose the latter, we would see that those who are seemingly inefficient have much more to offer than we see. Vut we will never come to see their Spiritual fruit while we are still too hard of heart and self-righteous to bear any of our own for them.

Another example ... When I am initially introduced to a new concept, I am usually amidst the last to understand it but amidst the first to master it. High school math -- I would go for days sitting through class too ashamed to raise my hand and say, "... I have had no idea what is going on for the past week." Yet because of persistent teaching, one day by no cause of my own, the concept would just click! And when it clicked, I honestly had it down better than some of the most vocal "teacher's pets." (If my only mind were more consistent, I wouldn't have made many of the small mistakes that led to terrible grades in those classes, anyway.) It seems that no matter what I'm doing, I need to be shown the way for the first few steps, be it over a lack of confidence, or an unfamiliar concept, or whatever -- and then I could teach it back to you like I'd known it my entire life. So it is clear to me through experience that a little bit of patience goes a long way, far longer than if we were to simply turn up our noses at one another.

Not that we must give others a means to free-load, I am not suggesting that at all! Or that we are so "gracious" that we neglect our own needs and life (making ourselves useless!) Simply, we must be balanced in these things and as we are instructed, take care of one another as a body. Nor ought we pamper those outside of the body, since their physical needs are met in vain if their spiritual needs are left alone.

But if any of you find yourselves disagreeing or uncertain with what I am saying, and would prefer to say, "But there are SOME things that all people should just be able..." then I have one more thought to add.

Consider your life. The most crucial points of your existence today can be summed up as this -- God thought to create you, your parents concieved you, your mother gave birth to you. Of these three, did you so much as have a say in any? In His omnipotence, I do not think God put much effort into it. I do not think, unless you are a special case, that any effort took place at your conception that was not rather welcomed, ... And as for your mother, well, that involved a lot of effort -- but that's Eve's curse in effect, not life as it ought to be.

Nevertheless, all of these things that came about naturally for others in the course of your existence somehow did not require, need, nor so much as desire your input. The most crucial points of your life relied fully on the actions of others. They were natural, and in some cases even easy for those involved, yet you were absolutely incapable of carrying it out. And had someone -- unless it were God Himself -- told you "just exist!" I do not think you would have been any more capable to obey.

So if the very fact that you are alive came by the choices and efforts and love of others, what should keep you from doing much smaller things for brothers who are lost and incapable on their own? The things which are easy and natural to you may not be so for another, but that pendulum swings both ways, and you have handicaps of your own. The brain would not perceive sight without the eye, nor the eye conceive what it sees without the brain. That we would appreciate this balance, cast away our pride and self-certainty, and look rather with patience, perseverance, and all of the virtues that comprise of Godly love, for we ourselves are only the product of sheer and utter grace.

A controversial perspective on "kissing"

Forenote :: This journal is directed at Christians. Non-believers may read if they like and glean wisdom if they find it; I would only suggest that without such a Christian perspective, all I have to say here can only be recieved in vain.

This article showed up in my "updates" feed on Facebook, recently: [link]

I both share many views with Mohler, and I differ with him in a few areas. On this, however, I find him spot-on. I do not know what the rest of you think about intimacy in non-marital relationships, even normal "kissing," but I wanted to share my own thoughts and experience on the matter.

I've been forgiven for much. The last relationship I had before I was saved, (though I was an unconverted "professing Christian" before that,) failed miserably on many fronts, including going *too* far. I did come away not only redeemed by God, and that is most important, but also wiser to many of the subtleties behind lust, both in heart and living flesh. Without any inspiration from any article (though I deeply appreciate Mohler's input, reading it,) I decided for myself never to kiss again until I'm at an altar. Two years later, I am in my first relationship since I've been saved, and I'm following through with that commitment. In both thought and action, it proves to create an amazing boundary that keeps minds more focused on the glory of God and less on physical intimacy.

Here's a thought. By simple observation, I've noticed that a lot of couples who kiss don't just kiss once. They like to bombard each other with kisses. Seems cute, maybe a little annoying to those of us who aren't lace and floral; regardless, it doesn't *seem* at all wrong.

The problem is in the doors that it opens. I recall doing as much in my last relationship. A dozen pecks on the lip can only remain pecks for so long before lips -- and tongues -- draw closer. An intimate kiss like that is as good as foreplay; if you disagree, then admit that it most certainly leads to it. As innocent as kissing seems, it is the marijuana of lust. Everyone claims it's no big deal, but it's led too many people to go that "one step further" -- over and over again.

And we all tell ourselves we'll "resist that next step" -- but it's not nearly as easy as we think. This isn't a matter I think anyone ought to trust their flesh on, because even if by some miracle we *are* capable of not being tempted, what are the chances that our partner has that same ability?

So it is better not to even take that road unless we know for sure that you will be married someone -- and trust me when I say that you can only know this for sure when you've both said "I do." Just as it grieves a Christian, a part of the Bride of Christ, when he remembers his pre-conversion idolatries and other sins, it grieves the hearts of those in love when they remember what they've shared in past relationships that were never destined to last. Though committed in ignorance and weakness, it nevertheless guilts our mind with a sense of unfaithfulness. Even an "innocent" kiss.

Normally, I have a general rule of thumb about acceptable intimacy and it is this -- if you would cringe to see a man do something with his daughter, don't do it with a person you're not married to. For instance, it would not be off putting, I think, to see a father put his arm around his daughter, or to hug her; this body language communicates a sort of protectiveness which I'm not opposed to at all in non-marital relationships. Obviously, it is not a perfect rule and it fails on this particular matter: I would neither cringe to see a father kiss his daughter on the lips, and yet here I am cautioning unmarried couples not to do it. It is because there is a *difference.* Because whereas some things communicate protectiveness and bonding, no matter the relationship, a kiss communicates something vastly different between happening between family and between a couple (at least in American culture.) Between family, a kiss is sign of deep familial love; between a couple, it is impossible to remove a romantic connotation.

This is never a popular topic, mainly because those who are in relationships already and enjoy kissing have no desire to stop; I always catch fire from these particular folks when I talk about this. Yet I stand where I do. I've got to. In the end -- and we've all heard this before -- I think it comes down to one important thing to remember. It is not and was never about "how close" the Christian couple can get, but how much they can honour God in thought, action and appearance.