Who do you blame?

God ...
Designed man, to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.
-- Man became proud, and chose to disobey God and rely on his own judgment apart from God ...

So that the earth ...
Which God made that man may enjoy it and praise the creator --
-- Was made by man into an idol, the center of all kinds of carnal desires and false philosophies.

So that sex ...
Which God made to be enjoyed by a man and his wife, and to be fruitful and multiply,
-- Was taken out of context by man for the purpose of all types of immorality -- fornication, homosexuality, pedophilia, bestiality ... Whether the realisation of such things or fantasies thereof.

And so that marriage ...
Which God made as a covenant to reflect the relationship of mankind and God,
-- Was made into a "contract" of the world, to be ignored, trampled upon, and manipulated at man's discretion.

So that animals ...
Which God made to serve man and be ruled and cared for by man ...
-- Were brutalised for the pleasure of some, sodomised by some, and worshipped by some, all against the will of God.

So that art ...
Which reflected the creative nature of man, who was made in the image of a creative God,
-- Became the productive tool behind all kinds of idolatry and lust and expression of a very selfish and deluded humanity. (Just look around. Women are sexualised; men are made into beasts; humankind is demonised. Every pinup, every furry/werecreature, every zombie/vampire/sorcerer -- you name it.)

So that music, likewise ...
Which was a most pleasant way to worship and praise the creator God,
-- Likewise, became an expression of man's sinful depravity, of immoral sex, and drugs, and selfish woe, which he so enjoys.

And so that His own creativity in His creation ...
Which should hint to us the intricate and fascinating and beautiful power of our dear creator, that we might worship Him,
-- Instead gave way to delusions like evolution, freudian psychology, idol worship and false religion.

So that emotions,
Which also reflect the image of God we were made in, Who is, and Who feels, and Who knows,
-- Become man's central system of function, replacing logic, replacing rationality, replacing even righteousness, doing only what "feels" right to his flesh! (Thus the heart became man's greatest deceiver.)

So that love,
Which God designed, gracious and unfailing and willing to do all things for that which is loved unconditionally,
-- Became a word deluded and misused, confused with temporal emotion, and lust, and all things selfish -- contrary to the very definition of love !

So that possessions,
Which are to be enjoyed and acquired righteously, and shared, and acknowledged as temporal,
-- Are rather ignored, abused, coveted, stolen, misused, and wind up consuming the lives of the greedy.

So that parents,
Who raise their children and care for them, whose parenthood reflects our own Father in heaven,
-- Turn around and strike their children in anger; their children spurn and dishonour them in hatred.

So that speech,
Which was made to call on God, to praise Him, to encourage and uplift and love one another,
-- Turned to empty flattery, to lies, manipulation, to curses and spite.

So that food,
Which reflects that as the body is dependent on food and water, so the soul is dependent on God,
-- Man, lacking spiritual fulfillment, fills his belly instead, and culture upon culture is given either to gluttony or to famine.

So that health,
Which was initially never the issue, because man's body was not made to die but to enjoy God forever,
-- Became subject to every illness, disease and cancer, brought on by every kind of immorality and simple carelessness, of the afflicted or of another; reminding man of his futility, his mortality and inevitable death that results from being a man turned away from God...

So that wealth,
Which was never in earthly things but in spiritual, in goodness and charity and compassion, in knowing God,
-- Became a means of greed, but also of the love of ease. So that eventually, man would spend what he did not have, receive what he did not earn, and govern what was never his to govern.

So that the body,
Which was made for every function, designed and God said that it was "good,"
-- Became man's obsession. Men lust; women struggle to be objects of that lust. Spurning work and loving ease and pleasure, he lives to abuse the very vital systems by which breath remains in him, that he only might have a little more time to repent, to believe, to glorify the God who made him --

And so that you,
Seeing all of this, would be remorseful, and know your inability to live in righteousness, would desire God instead of yourself, would give up your life and believe in the only one who can redeem us from ourselves! --
-- Yet you look. You overlook the intended purpose of the world as God designed it, and you instead blame God for the problems that you caused! Or you deny His very existence. In any event, you continue in your ways.

... Oh, but if there were just an ounce of remorse in you, just an inkling of desire for God, wouldn't you turn away from these things and cry out for His mercy, that He might set you apart from this world and make you a light to shine in darkness?

Will you even consider these things?

... Or will your pride get in the way and hate me for the truth I am telling you?

...Tagged?

I hate doing things like this, so I'm going to try to make it worth it.

<sub>Rules:
1. Post these rules.
2. Each tagged person must post 8 things about their self on their journal.
3. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people and post their icons on the same journal.
4. Go to their pages and send a message saying you tagged them.
5. No tag-backs.</sub>


1.) I did this once before ... over 3 years ago. There were 20 questions instead of 8. And looking back ... there is a staunch difference between who I was and who I am. :: [link] ... A lot has changed.

2.) "Chrishankhah" is the name of a fictional character I once had. Came up with the name when I was about 7 or 8 -- It was a combination of the words for "Christian" and "Ankh" -- "Christian" because she was a "good" vampire, and "ankh" because she was Egyptian and had eternal life. (Ah was just to feminise it.) Wrote about it for years ... Then I got saved. I had to deliberate for a long time before giving it up. It wasn't easy and still isn't, sometimes. But the combination of dark fantasy, demonic things, unbiblical things, convicted me. It bothers me to this day that there are Christians into series like "Twilight" and whatnot, because there's nothing holy about romanticising something demonic like a vampire.

3.) I am a true Christian, a grave sinner who was blood-bought and redeemed -- and given great doctrinal convictions. I am (as the Christian community labels,) "Calvinist," "Lordship," "Baptistic," "Trinitarian," "Regulative (Worship)," "Complementarian," "Covenant." (Note that "legalist" isn't in that list!) Saved for 2 1/2 years. I live my life for God, now. If it is His will, I would like to enter the missionary field. Not to "earn" points with God -- it is simply my conviction and He has made me to desire all things for His glory.

4.) I'm living in Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin (about 20 minutes out of Waukesha,) with a couple from my church. I do my best to help -- do whatever I can -- so that I'm not completely "mooching." Nor do I drive or have a job, but am working on both. I was previously going to school here at New Tribes Bible Institute, but distance and some other personal things cut that short. But I am becoming a part of an amazing local church which shares the same doctrinal convictions that I do. I'm not completely sure what God has for me here yet, but I pray His will be done.

5.) I was almost married, once. The wedding was cancelled literally a night before it was to take place. Everything in that relationship, ranging from selfishness to sexual sin broke the relationship -- and also me. This was the thing God used when He saved me. I like to wear my engagement band on the opposite hand as a reminder of a) the fact that I am the bride of Christ, and b) that I must never again be the woman I was (lustful, disrespectful, overly sensitive, etc,) if God so wills that I do marry, one day.

6.) I don't seem to have an ordinary way of thinking. For instance -- I'm told I'm "book-smart," but blonde and braindead when it comes to social street-smarts. ... In general, I pick up on a lot of odd things that most people don't, and yet I miss a lot of obvious things that most people get. (and Sometimes, I just like to pretend to be dumb. ) I'm also intensely overanalytical. Doh.

7.) I still love art. I love photographs for capturing God's beautiful creation. I love artwork because it is an expression of our creativity (which I firmly believe is a reflection of the image of God that we were made in,) I love literature for the amazing truths it can inspire and convey ... And music, food, and soforth. All things in their proper context are beautiful, they are gifts of God. All the more, it is why I become so deeply sick when these things are misused to satisfy human lusts and selfish desires.

8.) ... Oh, yeah. A lot has changed in 3 years -- but a lot hasn't:
- I still have goofy sleeping patterns (but I can control them better,)
- I still hoard (but I hoard less,)
- I'm still easily distracted (but I have a better time controlling it, ... unless you give me coffee!)
- I still love cats (but I don't spaz as badly at people for being mean,)
- light still gives me headaches (but they are less severe,)
- My accent still adapts to its surroundings (and it pretty much has,)
- and I'm still a conservative (but a Christian one, now.)

... I'm going to break the rules and not tag anybody. Instead, anyone who desires to do this, may.

At the Master's Command

New journal was a long time comin'

I realised that I haven't updated you guys on my own situation since I've been back in Wisconsin (where I did get back safely, indeed!) Arrived the morning of the 10th, got a ride back to Waukesha from a friend and was in church the next morning. The gist of things since then: I returned to New Tribes Bible Institute as an auditor since I am broke, with 2-3 weeks "grace-time" campus to find a place to live. (I say "grace time" lightly because I now owe them $350 for the stay, which I just don't have.)

If you're doing the math, you've probably figured that February 7th is a bit more than 3 weeks beyond January 10th. I've since gotten off campus. I am still presently jobless because it is hard to get around here. The bus system isn't the best since most people drive, and I just don't drive. (Recall that last year, my car was totalled in an accident -- I wasn't in it at the time.)

So I am presently staying about a 20 minutes' drive north, in a place called Menomonee Falls. A young couple from my church named Aaron and Carrie have graciously taken me in until I can get on my feet, which should hopefully be soon. I'm considering, if I can be hirede, a live-in care position in Waukesha where I will take care of the elderly in a small group home. If all goes well, I will be trained and paid to be available to wake up at any time during the night to respond to emergency situations or whatever else may come up. They also have other positions available during the day. There are a few other possible jobs and things, but completely it's up to God to open those doors. I pray that I be used by Him whereever He will have me.

I said I am an "auditor" at New Tribes. The truth is, I have not actually audited classes for over a week now. The last week I was there, I spent much of my time packing and searching. Now I can't even get back there. (Well, I 'could' -- but it would require about a two hour fiasco on the bus every morning.)

I want to speak with caution because I know that a lot of people read this ... But I'm really beginning to question whether New Tribes has any part in my future apart perhaps from some good friends I have there.

I am actually content focusing on my church, CRBC. If I can come to support myself and make a living here, I will be content with that -- and God can take it from there how He will use me and where He will direct me. I am certainly enjoying my current company. Perhaps for the first time since I've been saved, I am finding myself in the consistent fellowship of believers who I match well with on a doctrinal level. (I did not have this so perfectly in Pittsburgh or even at school.) It is a burden lifted, and I find that without stressing so much I can finally rest my soul and focus ultimately on the worship and glory of God. I know that the road will continue to be difficult (as it is for every Christian) but for a pilgrim to finally find the body to which she belongs, it is a time of rejoicing!

Keep me in prayer, as there is still a lot of labouring to be done. I am without car, without job, and the roof over my head has only been graciously lent. It will not be easy, but I know that it is not God's will that I live off others but that I work for what I eat, and so God willing, I will be able to do as much to be a burden to no one, however He should grant the way.

They have a dog here, a dobermann named Rocky. I'm not used to living with dogs, but Rocky is a sweetheart. It's funny, you know? When I let him out, I have to make sure his paws are clean before he comes back in. The first time I attempted this, it was so hard because he just wanted to go his own place, do his own thing. Then Carrie told me that all I need to do is tell him "On the mat!" and "sit!" ... He is so perfectly trained to respond to command.

I am reminded of the Father. Indeed, my Master is of far greater authority over me, than I over any dog. And the day is coming when He will speak and all of creation will fall to its knees! What it is to serve a Master like that ... It repents me to be anything but a faithful, obedient servant to Him!

Pray for me, that I may respond like Rocky to his own masters -- that when God speaks His command, I will be quick and glad to follow through.