At the Master's Command

New journal was a long time comin'

I realised that I haven't updated you guys on my own situation since I've been back in Wisconsin (where I did get back safely, indeed!) Arrived the morning of the 10th, got a ride back to Waukesha from a friend and was in church the next morning. The gist of things since then: I returned to New Tribes Bible Institute as an auditor since I am broke, with 2-3 weeks "grace-time" campus to find a place to live. (I say "grace time" lightly because I now owe them $350 for the stay, which I just don't have.)

If you're doing the math, you've probably figured that February 7th is a bit more than 3 weeks beyond January 10th. I've since gotten off campus. I am still presently jobless because it is hard to get around here. The bus system isn't the best since most people drive, and I just don't drive. (Recall that last year, my car was totalled in an accident -- I wasn't in it at the time.)

So I am presently staying about a 20 minutes' drive north, in a place called Menomonee Falls. A young couple from my church named Aaron and Carrie have graciously taken me in until I can get on my feet, which should hopefully be soon. I'm considering, if I can be hirede, a live-in care position in Waukesha where I will take care of the elderly in a small group home. If all goes well, I will be trained and paid to be available to wake up at any time during the night to respond to emergency situations or whatever else may come up. They also have other positions available during the day. There are a few other possible jobs and things, but completely it's up to God to open those doors. I pray that I be used by Him whereever He will have me.

I said I am an "auditor" at New Tribes. The truth is, I have not actually audited classes for over a week now. The last week I was there, I spent much of my time packing and searching. Now I can't even get back there. (Well, I 'could' -- but it would require about a two hour fiasco on the bus every morning.)

I want to speak with caution because I know that a lot of people read this ... But I'm really beginning to question whether New Tribes has any part in my future apart perhaps from some good friends I have there.

I am actually content focusing on my church, CRBC. If I can come to support myself and make a living here, I will be content with that -- and God can take it from there how He will use me and where He will direct me. I am certainly enjoying my current company. Perhaps for the first time since I've been saved, I am finding myself in the consistent fellowship of believers who I match well with on a doctrinal level. (I did not have this so perfectly in Pittsburgh or even at school.) It is a burden lifted, and I find that without stressing so much I can finally rest my soul and focus ultimately on the worship and glory of God. I know that the road will continue to be difficult (as it is for every Christian) but for a pilgrim to finally find the body to which she belongs, it is a time of rejoicing!

Keep me in prayer, as there is still a lot of labouring to be done. I am without car, without job, and the roof over my head has only been graciously lent. It will not be easy, but I know that it is not God's will that I live off others but that I work for what I eat, and so God willing, I will be able to do as much to be a burden to no one, however He should grant the way.

They have a dog here, a dobermann named Rocky. I'm not used to living with dogs, but Rocky is a sweetheart. It's funny, you know? When I let him out, I have to make sure his paws are clean before he comes back in. The first time I attempted this, it was so hard because he just wanted to go his own place, do his own thing. Then Carrie told me that all I need to do is tell him "On the mat!" and "sit!" ... He is so perfectly trained to respond to command.

I am reminded of the Father. Indeed, my Master is of far greater authority over me, than I over any dog. And the day is coming when He will speak and all of creation will fall to its knees! What it is to serve a Master like that ... It repents me to be anything but a faithful, obedient servant to Him!

Pray for me, that I may respond like Rocky to his own masters -- that when God speaks His command, I will be quick and glad to follow through.

In Spirit & Truth

We know that the chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever. We know that our heavenly existence will be one of eternal worship and revelation about our Father in Heaven, and in this our purpose is fulfilled.

The issue doesn't seem to be whether we should worship our God in heaven, but how. I've been studying into this matter lately, and I want to lay out a few points for consideration. On one side, we have what seem to be the staunch formalists, with hymnals and organs and all of the things the present world deems "boring." On the other, we have those desiring a more liberated worship, where you find your overheads and worship bands and whatnot. To the person who gives it little though, there seems no issue. "People should worship how they want," is the general sentiment. "As long as it doesn't go against God, anything's fine. You need to be pouring out your heart to God." The idea here is that we should come to the altar in a way that connects us emotionally with God. We have imagined that this fulfills His glory and Our enjoyment.

It is that very heart in this issue that has become a concern to me, however. Because in scripture, Old Testament and New, God never was worshiped so that man's earthly enjoyment could be fulfilled. Not to say that we shouldn't enjoy worship, but it seems lately that the focus of our worship has come less away from God's glory and more upon how much we enjoy what we're doing. In "With Reverence and Awe," authors D.G. Hart and John R. Muether make this point: Because we think we are more sincere when we are spontaneous and liberated from restraint, we are tempted to conclude that informal, casual worship frees the emotions and that formality or restraint represses our emotions. Somehow we can't enjoy God if we can't offer up all of our emotions, including our desire to be casual. The problem with this thinking arises when we consider how easily our feelings can fool us. We can all too easily fake sincerity and zeal. What is more, we are fallen and do not always feel the proper emotions. So by themselves, emotions serve as no standard."

I have to agree with this point. Remember that I said, our focus has become our earthly enjoyment? When we say that man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever, I do not think it will be because heaven will include airy, lulling chords and hazy, dimmed lights or a pumped up atmosphere where we will jump and clap our hands forever -- if my saying this offends some of you, forgive me. I only ask you to hear my point here. Our eternal enjoyment of God will have nothing to do with a "style" of worship. I think our eternal enjoyment of God will have much more to do with His divine attributes -- His holiness, His righteousness, His love, His abounding mercy and grace. This seems most in line with scripture to me, which boasts so frequently in these things! Compared to these traits, it seems unfortunate to me that we have made the pendulum of what defines worship swing not on the attributes of God, but on the fleshly appeal of the service. We've somehow gotten to thinking that worship is how much we enjoy the worship, and that this in turn glorifies God, rather than considering that perhaps worship is about the divine attributes of God which do glorify Him, and that our response -- our fulfillment of the worship -- is to enjoy these things.

Again, and more simply, think about everything the Bible says about this temporal world and the desires of the flesh. "Everything is lawful, but not everything is expedient." Likewise, it is not wrong to enjoy things in this world, do not think I am saying that. It is not wrong to enjoy your spouse, your home, your pets, your foods. It is not wrong to even enjoy a bit of entertainment. What is wrong is to esteem these things above the things of God. Knowing that the things of the flesh were never the focus of our heavenly existence, why do we think that what immediately appeals to our flesh must be the best we can offer to God? If this were true, then worship could also be taking a second honeymoon, Christian fellowship could also be playing football with church buddies, and preaching could also be telling a joke about what happened at work the other day. If we've somehow come to the thinking that our worship of God is no different than our every day life, then we have every excuse to look no differently than the world. Worship was never about appealing to the desires of this world. We can enjoy the things that God has given us and He receives glory in this, but worship in scripture was always something peculiar and set apart from all worldly activities.

When your focus is on how pumped up you could get or how the chords and atmosphere could make you emotional and tearful, it is easy to think you have repented and committed our life to God. Yet the very same mechanisms hype us up and make us cry in a movie. How do we really know whether we have truly brought our heart before God or whether we've just fed and manipulated by an emotional experience? How do we know that those things we felt and thought during the service will last and make a difference in our life? ... What about those who are coming to Christ for the first time, when they respond to an altar call? How do they know that they've truly repented and believed on Christ -- or whether they were just so emotionally susceptible that anything felt right to them in that moment?

Why then for the hymnals and the organs and whatnot? Are we intentionally trying to make it "boring" so that we might legalistically impose against these "fleshly" things?

Heavens no! In fact, I would submit to you that if you could come to church with your mind on the right things, these things would not be boring to you even despite the simplistic form of worship. It's one thing to be tearful because a song hit the right chords; it's another to be tearful because you've truly realized the meaning of "It was my sin that held him there, until it was accomplished; His dying breath has brought me life, I know that it is finished!" Our reasoning is that we simply do not want to distract or detract from these foundational truths. We minimalise the music so that the words can be emphasised. We minimise the volume of the accompaniment so that the focus can be on the congregation singing together. We keep the words in a book so that they can be read and considered and dwelt upon at the pace of the reader, not the pace of the song. We don't have a problem making these compromises because the focus was never on the entertainment and emotional satisfaction of the people but on the worship of God and the enjoyment of His attributes. When you come to church with your mind on the right things -- the simple truths of God -- there is much more assurance that your convictions and your commitments will be true. I fully believe that the truth of the scriptures has a life-changing potency, because it is the inspired and holy word of God.

Think on this: the intense emotional atmosphere that some churches provide, they are certainly not there all of the time. When you are serving the homeless on a cold night, it will not be there. When you are amidst a tribal people for years and years, you will neither find it there. And you will not find it when you have gone to be with the Father in heaven!

But on those nights, and in those years and well into eternity, even, you will still have His eternal attributes. You will have His glory and omnipotence and immutability and grace and righteousness and holiness and love. You will have His forgiveness. It is not simply for "doctrine" that we emphasise these things -- they are what the Christian life is about: not our earthly enjoyment but on these heavenly things. And if you truly grasp these things -- even a taste of them -- there is nothing more you could possibly want! Having these things, what can be compared? Having the grace of God, what more could you want in a song? Having His holiness, what could you possibly add?

Truly we say that He is sufficient. We do not need to make our worship of Him overelabourate. Let the truths of His divine love reign over the music. Let the atmosphere be one brought not by technical advances but spiritual ones, made because of what the Spirit has communicated in the reading of His word. Let our earthly desires succumb to the will of our Father in Heaven, who calls for a worship made in spirit and in truth. Amen?